Need to tell Husband about running up secret debt again 8 years after the first time.

alibat_2

Also I've noticed a couple of other things. When I've had more work (and therefore more money) I've been more generous than usual. I always had a habit of overspending on Christmas and Birthday presents, but even at other times I've tended to buy stuff for those closest to me, even if it's only a bar of chocolate, a beer or a cake. Also, when I've been out with friends (not that I go out often before you ask, usually once a month at most apart from a couple of drinks with my husband most weekends or at Christmas) I have tended to be generous, not wanting to appear worse off.

A lot has been spent as a result either directly or indirectly of my medical condition. Eg, one of the medications I am on is a low chemotherapy dose drug, the effect being my hair has gone from very thick to very thin. I have spent a fortune on stuff to hide this, as I find it so embarrassing and otherwise I feel ugly and too unattractive. The steroids I have to take have made me put weight on, so I have bought stuff to try and lose some of that weight as it makes me feel so unattractive.

On another note, I felt awful last night when speaking to my mum about the house sale. All the time she was telling me to make sure I put the money I would get away safe and not fritter it away, yet knowing most of it would be used to pay my debts off. Strangely) in good way) I found myself thinking about the best savings account to open once the debts are paid. Can't wait to start saving Firstly though I've that appointment on Friday!

zippygeorgeandben

Yup - good to hear Alibat about the appointment. Good on you.

EssexHebridean

well the more you can hammer off the debts in the meantime, the more you will have to save when that money comes through Alibat - that must be a great incentive!

Good luck with the appointment tomorrow - remember to write things down in list form if you're worried about not remembering to bring up everything you need to!

Fen1

Quote:
But, things got really bad last night. Came home late from work, yelled at me and stormed off to bed. Not speaking. Triggered by me buying some fresh veg on my way home, which went to waste as he didn't eat his tea.

Alibat. How much food do you buy and how much of it goes to waste? Have you been taught how to reuse food from one day to make the next day's meals? Do you know what to do with leftovers so that nothing goes to waste?

Whatever vegetables your OH didn't eat could have been repurposed as a pasta bake or blitzed into soup. Have you been taught those thrifty skills?

If you are constantly buying fresh food for every meal it is no wonder that your domestic budget is in disarray. Acquiring those thrifty skills could save you a lot of money and reduce your stress levels.

Good management requires both carefulness and canniness.

alibat_2

OK. Quite a bit to report on. Some good, some not so good. Firstly the appointment went well, waiting now for an appointment with a therapist. Feeling more positive about things.

Then at the end of last Friday afternoon, the hammer blow. Job finished for the time being due to reorganisation of staff to save money. Didn't see this one coming and people I was working with were really upset about it. Been told I'll probably be back soon, but how about being treated like that:( On the positive side, I've missed Ofsted today and tomorrow.
Next bad thing that happened was I get work yesterday morning for a few days at another school, but don't get there as I end up spending the day in A&E after falling head first down the full flight of stairs after slipping at the top on my rush to get out of the house. Luckily nothing broken but feeling very sore. As a result off work for a few days (with no pay)
Finally today, some good news regarding the debts. House went up for sale last Wednesday, and today we have an offer for the asking price. I could be debt free by the end of the year

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry about the job finishing. That is a pain but hopefully something else will come along.

Good news on house sale. Hope it all goes through soon.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

alibat wrote: »

My husband was on about wanting my debit card from my own account, we have no joint account at present. (something to look into when I'm more sorted). He's wanting to control what I'm spend from my own account, presumably so they'll be more to put towards the debts.

I have to be honest - this is a massive red flag for me, and I'd no more give you access to my account than fly to the moon and I'll be amazed if your husband does.

You've demonstrated that for whatever reasons you're crap with money. Don't get offended - I am as well - currently in a DMP - but I would never, ever ask my husband to a) clear my debts or b) let me access his account. He has a healthy attitude to money and saving and so does your husband. Leave his account alone and get your own house in order. Then develop your own good habits.

alibat_2

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

I have to be honest - this is a massive red flag for me, and I'd no more give you access to my account than fly to the moon and I'll be amazed if your husband does.

You've demonstrated that for whatever reasons you're crap with money. Don't get offended - I am as well - currently in a DMP - but I would never, ever ask my husband to a) clear my debts or b) let me access his account. He has a healthy attitude to money and saving and so does your husband. Leave his account alone and get your own house in order. Then develop your own good habits.

Sorry if you misunderstood. What I mean is that once I have my house in order to have a separate account that we both put money into for household related things. I am not saying I should have access to his account, but I'd be seriously screwed with the way things are at the moment if he was ill or worse and I had to sort the bills out and stuff. I also feel that knowing he would see the transactions I did on this account would help me learn better money management.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

alibat wrote: »

Sorry if you misunderstood. What I mean is that once I have my house in order to have a separate account that we both put money into for household related things. I am not saying I should have access to his account, but I'd be seriously screwed with the way things are at the moment if he was ill or worse and I had to sort the bills out and stuff. I also feel that knowing he would see the transactions I did on this account would help me learn better money management.

You do understand though, that by getting a joint account your husband will be financially linked to you? So if you screw up again he'll take the hit alongside you.

alibat_2

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

You do understand though, that by getting a joint account your husband will be financially linked to you? So if you screw up again he'll take the hit alongside you.

Yes, which is why a reasonable amount of of time will need to pass to both ensure I've sorted my underlying issues out which have led to the overspending and also to make sure that my credit report will be good enough not to negatively affect his. In the long run however, I do think this is the way to go. It will take time and we will both have to be sure I'm sorted out fully so the problem won't reoccur.