Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

Eidion

I recently got my own place after years of living with my mother and brother and since my first after college part time job I was paying something to towards rent (we did rent the house) I was unemployed for a while and 75% of my income was for the household then....

But in my 20's with fulltime job I earned less than 20K a year we split the bills 3 ways equally and I was paying between £500-£750 a month for bills (to my mum) plus some extra contributions to food.

I must admit my circumstances are more extreme than most as my mum was poor and bad with money and we lived in an expensive rented house in the last few years.

FilmNerd1989

_nate wrote: »

Yes, sure, bring her into the world and then when you're fed up of looking after her, screw her for the same kind of nonsense private landlords would demand. She'll love you for that. Did you plan what this extra money would be used for? Did you pay your parents?

(And how old is she, and where does she live? And earning 20k is nothing in most big UK cities.)

I write in a rude fashion, I accept. But I've been able to save up enough to move away properly through my parents taking the exact opposite approach to you. It's made me regain my independence that was otherwise at the mercy of London landlords' whims.

I can't decide if you are serious or not ( but I really hope not)

Do you actually believe this grown woman should be able to live rent free, sponging off her parents after moving out and deciding that she didn't have enough money to go out regularly and buy new clothes whenever she feels like it? She wouldn't be able to live rent free anywhere else, it's not like she could turn around to a landlord and say 'I'd love to pay my rent this months but then I won't be able to go out with my friends and buy the things I want'

Why should she get away with living rent free? Her parents are absolutely right to expect a contribution for living there - their bills, expenditure, and grocery costs have all risen to accommodate another person, so she should AT LEAST cover the deficit, if not more. She will never learn to be a responsible adult if she isn't held accountable for her actions.

As for your comment about her parents 'planning what this extra money would be used for' - WHAT extra money???? Like I said, the cost of living for the household has risen by one whole person, and if she refuses to pay her own way then her parents are having to cover the cost.

Quite simply, this woman needs to grow up, take responsibility for herself and stop being so bloody selfish.

FilmNerd1989

Jupiter4 wrote: »

You chose to have kids out of love so don't switch that off just because your offspring's grown up and earning, or make parental love conditional on her paying you for living at home! Reducing relationships to a financial consideration isn't loving or encouraging your daughter to see beyond pound signs. Encourage her to save eg for a deposit instead with any spare cash :A

I don't know what a 'manufared dilemma' is, but I am happy for you that you live in such a idyllic world where food, bills and electricity become free if you decide to move back with your parents so you have more money to spend on frivolous nonsense.

I hope someone has told the (grown woman's) parents this, else they may be living under the delusion that with an extra person in the house they will have to pay for while she buys clothes, and goes out with friends, that they will be out of pocket. :cool:

LesD

I'm not sure any of our advice is all that relevant. As someone has already said, this question or similar has been asked many times and most advice is already available around here somewhere.

What is relevant is why the question keeps reappearing.

ML's pleas for so many years for better financial advice to young people has either fallen on the deaf ears of educators, or the deaf ears of young people.

When we asked our 15 y/o grandson what financial advice he got at school, the answer was a blank look. And he didn't seem to think it an important issue.

Maybe the 'benefit society' which has developed in the past 20 years, is the cause of this. "Someone else will pay!"

mjj1974

You never do your children a favor by letting them believe that it doesn't cost a lot to run a home. Unless your daughter is really good at saving her excess income I think you have to ask for some contribution to the bills, even if you choose to put some of this to one side for a deposit at a later date. I would think the minimum ought to be £100 a month but could be more like £200 if it has any chance of covering the costs of having another person in the house. I presume she uses all of the facilities including electricity, gas, water, toilet rolls, etc so your bills will be higher as a result of her being there. My daughter is at Uni in a shared house and is paying about £350 a month on rent and bills, food is on top. Having a flat of her own would be much more costly. A bit of tough love is in order I think. If she left and moved out she would soon realise what a good deal she is getting.

Mojisola

MSE_Sarah wrote: »

Our daughter has returned home after flying the nest as she found the cost of independent living too expensive.

mjj1974 wrote: »

You never do your children a favor by letting them believe that it doesn't cost a lot to run a home.

A bit of tough love is in order I think. If she left and moved out she would soon realise what a good deal she is getting.

She has left, decided that she didn't want to spend her own money on things like rent and utilities and wants to have her financially-struggling parents pay them for her instead!

Trebleclef3

My daughter at aged 16 started an apprenticeship earning £150 per week. Out of this she gave £30 per week as board. She soon realised the cost of items and managed her own budget well before deciding to go back to college full time and get a part time job to fund her own leisure activities!

Decide what it's costing you as extra to have her back at home and round this up for any other bits and bobs which may arise. IF SHE MOVED BACK IN WITH YOU AS IT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE TO LIVE ON HER OWN SHE KNOWS THE COSTS OF LIVING and should be willing to contribute to your household costs.

Floss

Sit down, show her your household bills and food costs (and the increase since she moved back in where possible) and suggest that she coughs up to cover the increases at least plus anything special she wants to eat / shampoo etc.

Precisely why did she move back home? Does she maybe have debts that she could pay whilst paying her own housing costs? She needs to be honest with you

skull

How much does she earn? £20k and she's dodging paying her keep? She needs to wake up and pay her way. Divide the household expenses by the number of people living there, eg if mum, dad and daughter, then by 3, and she pays that amount, anything less is going to be unworkable for you all. She needs to realise that she is your lodger now not a dependant. Your house, your rules. Call it tough love if you like, you are not made of money and she can't expect to get a free ride. Some people don't earn £20k on a joint income, even with tax credits, so she is doing very well.

Shreddie

OMG what a greedy girl. She really should feel obliged to pay towards her board considering she already KNOWS how expensive it is to live alone. I don't understand why everyone assumes that it is a parent's responsibility to keep a 'child' into adulthood when the said child probably has more disposable income than the parents! If this was my child I would be really disappointed and wonder where I went wrong. A frank discussion on the realities of life is required....