claiming DLA?

iammumtoone

I will keep this thread updated with how I get on. It might help others.

I am terrified of sending it off, I don't care if I don't get it for the money whilst it would help we will survive like we always have. Its more how it will effect me and my health I have been through so much (and still am) fighting all the time with the widely held belief "no issues at school its parenting" I am not sure if I can take another "official justification" this must be the case.

I struggle with myself everyday "why is he like this?", "what have I done/doing wrong?" people keep asking me "why is he like this?" I don't know I am not him I do not know what goes on in his head (wish I did).

As he gets older it get more embarrassing its like having a 10 year old toddler. Even when hes not having tantrums that is how he behaves last night I dared to leave him in the bathroom whilst I put some washing in came back and he had emptied the water out put the whole bottle of bubble bath all over himself and bath and was wiggling about in it, took half hour to clean him up as he didn't want to be. Then had to clean up the bathroom which meant leaving him alone downstairs he was supposed to be watching tv but got bored so caused havoc downstairs as well, paper torn up and screwed everywhere. This is a good moment as at least he was calm ish and no tantrums (although he had had one earlier in the day)

We were out the other day someone asked if he was foreign, they had spoken to him but he looked at them blankly and didn't answer - they thought he couldn't understand English When people speak to him with me there he doesn't normally answer leaving me to speak for him - why doesn't he display this at school? I don't understand it myself, perhaps it is me, but I just don't know what to do to change it believe me I have tried my best.

Alice_Holt

Put the above on the DLA form.

Don't worry about the small spaces on the form - add you own additional sheets and attach it to the form (per post 8's helpful comment). If you word-process these sheets then it makes it easier to build a consistent picture. Make sure you emphasise the need to oversee / keep your son safe; also focus on developmental needs. Add your son's name & NI to the top of these sheets.
Make the case repeatedly that his care needs are substantially more than other children of his age.
Don't be afraid of repeating yourself in making the strongest case you can.

You can also keep a diary and enclose this. If you son needs nighttime care - include this.
If you have family members / friends willing to add evidence by way of a written statement, then include this.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/disability-living-allowance/

Only include medical evidence that supports your case.
Unlike PIP, the DLA decision should be based on what is written on the form and reports from GP's / HCP nominated on the form. So be careful about enclosing reports which could be used by the DWP DM to justify withholding an award.
Let the GP / other nominated HCP know about your application, that they may be contacted by the DWP, and make them aware of all your son's difficulties. They may not be aware of his behaviours at home.

https://www.cafamily.org.uk/advice-and-support/money-benefits-work-and-childcare/benefits-and-tax-credits/disability-living-allowance/

iammumtoone

Alice_Holt wrote: »

Only include medical evidence that supports your case.

So do you think I should not send the Psychologist report? Even if I put my notes/comments along side it? I would rather send it myself where I get chance to add my comments than the school supply it as I appreciate it is quite damaging to what I am trying to convey.

Does the fact it is done by an Educational Psychologist not Behavioural Psychologist make a difference?

Alice_Holt

If you do include it then putting your comments alongside it is a good idea.

There does not need to be diagnosis for an award of DLA. It is around the care needs of the child, and if those care needs are significantly more than other children of the same age. If the report documents those additional care needs, then I would include it. If the report doesn't then, I probably wouldn't include it with the form (it will only provide grounds for the DM to refuse an award). As you have said, if your child acts differently at home to school - then it is this behaviour at home that you need to document. Don't get too hung up on the actual condition, use the form to show his care needs, and additional attention / supervision required over other 10 year olds.

Also, think about who is the best person at school to be included on the form as the DWP's contact.
Make them aware that you are doing the application, and your son's behaviours outside school. Perhaps give them a copy of the form? So, that if they are contacted (usually a phone call) by the DWP DM, they are aware of the grounds for a DLA award.

iammumtoone

Thank you thats a good idea I will speak to the school and explain what I am doing first.

I told them once of his actions at home as they were due to the actions of the school - never again it was a big mistake on my behalf.

The problem is they didn't believe me, they spoke to my son about it and asked him what happened (without my knowledge) then they spoke to me and said "oh yes we asked him about that and he said he opened up a drawer!!" opened up a drawer?? he opened all the drawers tipped everything out, pulled over over the cabinet, took everything off the bed and out of his room threw all it downstairs. took off the mattress, tipped the bed frame (its heavy) on it side trapping himself in his bedroom so I couldn't get in!

To be fair to him he knew what he had done was wrong I don't think he could help it and when a teacher asked him about it of course he is not going to tell them, he wants them to think good of him. What child would admit to doing all that? I don't understand why the school expect a 10 year old to do so?

Then the same thing happened the next day as he got extremely upset due to the fact he was asked about this of course it was all my fault as I had told them!

I have tried to change his school there wasn't any we could get to in time to enable me to get to work (which is irrelevant now) but I don't know if that is the answer at least he does have one friend here. For him to have to start again in a strange environment and to make new friends at this stage will be really difficult for him.

Alice_Holt

As an addition.

Often reports will say something along the lines of "X is a delightful child, who is coping well and learning how to ......etc,etc".
The psychologist is not going to write that "X is a horror, and causing great difficulties for the parents / carers...." (even if that is the case).

At my CAB we often see clients who have included all medical reports without fully considering if the reports strengthen or weaken the case for an award.
I have also seen DWP DM reports quoting "X is a delightful child" as a reason for refusing an award! (and ignoring the general thrust of the overall report). Eventually, at appeal - when the parent can speak to the tribunal panel this nonsense does get overturned, and the award that should have be given in the first place is finally awarded.

But, make your DLA form as persuasive as possible.
Only include evidence that supports the case for a DLA award - to quote an excellent CPAG trainer (only partly in jest) - ensure the form is to a weapons grade standard!!

[Deleted User]

I don't want to be nasty and will try very hard not to be, but why do you think he's so well behaved at school and not at home? Our son was a little like that as are many looking back I think we were just bad parents in some ways. As for teeth brushing I have only ever cleaned my teeth once a day and they perfectly healthy for my advancing years. DLA for kids is not really about the extra cost but if they need/have additional problems to others of the same age.
Having said all that if you go ahead with the claim which you could have made whilst working good luck

poppy12345

I would imagine there's a lot of children that would need to be told to brush their teeth. I know mine always did.

iammumtoone

venison wrote: »

I don't want to be nasty and will try very hard not to be, but why do you think he's so well behaved at school and not at home? I do not know trust me you are not asking anything I have not asked myself - loads of times. All I know is I try my very best, I don't think I am a bad person why I am unable to parent I just don't know wish I did then I could correct it Our son was a little like that as are many looking back I think we were just bad parents in some ways. Trust me I am not perfect far from it, I just don't understand how I can be this bad at it and get it so wrong As for teeth brushing I have only ever cleaned my teeth once a day and they perfectly healthy for my advancing years. True this is why I don't go through the hassle of it twice a day, once is enough for him DLA for kids is not really about the extra cost but if they need/have additional problems to others of the same age. Yes I know its not about money or the extra costs but he does have additional needs compared others of his age.
Having said all that if you go ahead with the claim which you could have made whilst working good luck I know I could have tried to claim whilst working but what would have been the point? There was no advantage for me to do so, now I could do with the advantages it brings, mainly "proof" to the JC I do have caring needs I want them to take into account.

You haven't been unkind. It is an open forum everyone is entitled to post I appreciate that you put point your point across respectfully and tactfully.

At what age did your child start to get better behaved? And how did you help with this? I have been having issues with him for years when he was younger I would cling onto what everyone told me "it gets better as they get older" but it doesn't it gets worse. When he was younger I could dress him easily (have you ever tried dressing a strong 10 year old that doesn't want to be) I could pick him up and carry him kicking and screaming where we needed to be, now I no longer have that option.

iammumtoone

poppy12345 wrote: »

I would imagine there's a lot of children that would need to be told to brush their teeth. I know mine always did.

Yes I appreciate that. My son needs telling (more than once but I appreciate this applies to other children as well) then following to make sure he does so (he will forget on the way up the stairs). I then have to make sure he remembers to put toothpaste on the brush and stand outside the bathroom whilst he cleans them as again he will get distracted and start doing something else.

If we just had this issue with cleaning his teeth and none others great I wish it was just that.