I want to leave my partner but don't know how

bexxie90

Oh come on SarahBB he is obviousley a caring bloke to post in the manner he did.

Good luck to OP just end it now and she will just have to accept things.
Bex.x

BWZN93

Hi

From your post I think she already knows the inevitable is happening as you have already expressed your point of view, and her emotional blackmail etc is is a very clear signal that she understands, but wont accept it. You unfortunately have to make her understand, when you tell her that you want to break up you cannot accept it when she says she doesnt want to, and then tell her what you expect of her from then (be it move out by x date, this is over and we cant go back etc). Be as absolutely clear as you can so that she cant try and wriggle out of it, and if she tries to emotionally blackmail you then leave the room/house immediately so she is clear it wont work.

I know this is excruciatingly hard for you (im sort of in a similar situation - except my OH did nothing wrong and is still unaware of my feelings at this stage, this is all about me not being happy and wanting to be alone for a while, and I havent actually done the deed yet - and I feel like a complete !!!!! and sick at the thought of it because I do love him, but as a frieind rather than anything else now) but you have to do whats right for you - it was my colleague who said to me last week that I dont owe anyone my life and if I was unhappy then its my right to change what makes me unhappy.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Jo x

Chollita

Do not let her manipulate you - make it clear that you will not respond to emotional blackmail. Just be prepared for her to publicly make you the villain, though.

On a more practical level, get legal advice on whether she is entitled to anything (if you are not married, I think her rights are much less?)

elaine373

I think she sounds depressed. I also think you sound like a typical bloke.You obviously dont love her so do the honest thing and finish it.

tiamaria

I was in this position only we were married with kids, not an easy situation.

you try to end it as nicely and fairly as you can but the injured party won't see it that way and will usually be very unpleasant! There's no easy way to do it.

Personally i think life is too short too spend with someone who makes you unhappy & it doesn't do the other person any good either who also deserves to be with someone who really wants to be with them.

It took a year out of my life to remove myself from this relationship,but a year is nothing compared to a lifetime of regret.

celyn90

tiamaria wrote: »

I was in this position only we were married with kids, not an easy situation.

you try to end it as nicely and fairly as you can but the injured party won't see it that way and will usually be very unpleasant! There's no easy way to do it.

Personally i think life is too short too spend with someone who makes you unhappy & it doesn't do the other person any good either who also deserves to be with someone who really wants to be with them.

It took a year out of my life to remove myself from this relationship,but a year is nothing compared to a lifetime of regret.

My OH is in a similar situation, he tried to leave nicely and his ex-wife is still behaving in an appalling fashion, blaming him for all the problems in her life. The divorce has been dragging on for ages and is quite painful. I agree with your points above very much. It isn't easy at all, but a lifetime of regret and pain is far harder.

Sometimes I feel that relationships go from being a bond between two adults to almost being similar to the relationship a parent or carer should have for a young child, where one gives and the other takes. If you are used to being the peaceful one that would do anything to avoid conflict and make other happy, it is hard when you finally realise that it isn't where you want to be or who you are.

For what it's worth OP, I also hope your girlfriend finds someone that loves her and hope that she can learn to return that unconditionally as both are required for a relationship. I don't think any of us on here wish her unhappiness by trying to support you and I hope you don't think that.

gt568

elaine373 wrote: »

I also think you sound like a typical bloke..

Why's that, just because he wants out? Really helpfull comment, sour grapes perhaps?:p

gt568

in_a_pickle101 wrote: »

Any advice?

Yes, just man up and get it over with fella, you'll both be happier in the long run.

Smiley_Mum

I'd end it, if you aren't happy then staying with her isn't going to do either of you any favours. Case of being cruel to be kind I'd say. She may not like the fact that you want to leave and start afresh but you'll be doing yourself and her a favour by doing so. You would then be free to get your life in order, start over and so would she. She may not consider it a good move from you and plead with you to stay, or try to make you feel guilty etc but you staying with her because of that isn't going to help. Pull the pin and make it a clean break, none of the staying friends etc etc. Get on with your life and do what makes you happy. Don't be manipulated by her. Good Luck. Life is short, make the most of it. If you stay with someone who you aren't happy with you will only end up feeling resentment for them, and that's no good for anyone. Go and grab life by the B****. You will only feel guilty if you allow her to make you so. Make the break, and do it ASAP.

SPANIEL36

if you go to the CAB website and put in co habitation rights then you will see that sje is entiltled to nothing unless she has receipts for things she bought (ie furntiture, the pets, material things) bills dont count and therefore she cant say she's entitled to XX amount of money cuz she paid XYZ bills etc. Like everyone else has said, tell her and soon. Tell her straight as beating around the bush will just prolong it all and if you tell it in the plainest terms possible then she can say she didn'y understand. Give her a date she has to be out by and stick to it. tell her if her stuff isn't out by X date then you will put it outside for her and do it!!!

i really hope that things go as smootrhly as certainly possible, dont let her give you the guilt trip. your entitled to be happy and have a life ya know!!