I want to leave my partner but don't know how

in_a_pickle101

Posted under a pseudo identity for obvious reasons!

Long story short, I am in an unhappy relationship and want to get out.

I am living with a girl, in the house I bought. We have been together for several years.

However I am finding myself increasingly unhappy where I am. There is no sex in the relationship (for over 6 months now - she has issues with weight, self image etc and so no sex. She wont even touch me in that way)

I don't think there is any love left in our relationship. At least not from my side. I don't like going home because i have to converse with her, in the mornings i can't say im glad to be waking up with her.

The really mad thing is, I say "I want to finish our relationship" and the answer I get is usually "Well I dont" I mean she doesn't even seem to realise it takes two to be happy.

I find because she is shouting more and more (not shouting shouting, just raised voices) and my social life "what little I had" is kind of tailing off because she is wanting to know my every move. She will throw a fit because we organise a night out last minute and will have stops that last a good 12 hours or more.

I know I want to be single again, but the question is how do i do it because

a) She is an expert manipulator (uses pets as bargaining chips, ie ohh ill never see them again etc etc)

b) She has a lot of very life changing experiences coming up, and she would drop them just to spite me and make me feel bad.

c) She will make moving out as hard as she possibly can. Turn on the water works etc etc.

Regards the house, she has put v little in, but im not a bad person. I realise I should give her something.

Yes there is someone else on the scene, but we have not met yet, but even with her out the picture it is a relationship that I don't want to be in.


Any advice?

lolarentt

in_a_pickle101 wrote: »

Posted under a pseudo identity for obvious reasons!

Long story short, I am in an unhappy relationship and want to get out.

I am living with a girl, in the house I bought. We have been together for several years.

However I am finding myself increasingly unhappy where I am. There is no sex in the relationship (for over 6 months now - she has issues with weight, self image etc and so no sex. She wont even touch me in that way)..............................................................................................
Yes there is someone else on the scene, but we have not met yet, but even with her out the picture it is a relationship that I don't want to be in.
Any advice?

Wouldn't it have been more constructive to offer support and help on the weight/image issue from the start?

Don't understand the last bit!

redruby

Hi,

Reading your post was really sad, you are obviously deeply unhappy, by the sound of it your OH has self esteem issues, being in this relationship is not helping either of you, she needs to be getting herself out and about meeting new people and new interests etc, she seems to be relying on you for everythng.

Do you rent your house, or do you both own it ?
What pets do you have ?
What life changing experiences has she got coming up ?

x

duchy

If there is really no hope and it isn't just a case of the grass been greener then you need to end it for both your sakes so you're both free to find someone who you can be happy with.
Emotional blackmail is horrible but ultimately she's an adult and responsible for her own actions-if she chooses to drop something life changing that is HER decision and not your responsibility. As for feeling guilty-well if you honestly feel you have tried the best you can then you have to remind yourself of that and grit your teeth. There's no easy way to split up. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be the bad guy.
I would suggest you take legal advice before doing anything as there is property involved and it seems possible from what you say that she may be difficult so it's as well to know you are on firm ground legally.
No magic wand I'm afraid though !

niccy

come on mate, no kids involved :j

make the break ..LEAVE..just do it

she won't go , so you must

forget the pets

there is a right girl out there for you, but you won't meet/be happy with her until you've sorted this out.

No good living there,it will just drag on and on and on and on:rolleyes:

Bite the bullet and leave, then you can wake up happy,believe me life is to short for this carry on


from a man speaking with a good deal of experience:o

and 20 happy years of marriage to the right girl

in_a_pickle101

As to the grass being greener. I can honestly say that it isnt a case of this. Even before I started talking to this other person I knew that i didnt want this relationship.

As for the self image. I truely did all I can. Whatever she needed in that respect I sorted out for her or helped her.

But I guess it really is a case of grit your teeth.

As for questions re: house. I have a mortgage on the house. There are no kids, just the pets! Small mercies I guess.

mummy_Jay

This just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for either of you.

The silly things is, if she was single again and was getting the attention people try not to give someone in a long term relationship, she might even feel better about herself. (only a might)

If you know she a manipulator, you at least have your eyes open.

Have you tried asking her to write down all the reasons she has that make her believe this is a healthy relationship worth continuing? and tried writing down all the reasons you find it's not. Then try and talk it through, she may surprise you and agree with you.

If you want to take a harsh route, try throwing her out of the bedroom. Give her own room and tell her she has so long to find her own place before you will expect her to start paying rent, assuming its your house and there not joint mortagages.

You are going to have to be strong and firm but try not to be mean, try and make her understand why you thing she would be better off without you. Also be warned if you chose to tell her you want to be with someone else she may fight all the harder for you, what ever you do don't buckle or worse still sleep with her thinking that, it's a little fairwell, it will only mess both your heads up.

Sorry hun, if you no it's the right thing, it's time to be cruel to be kind.

DKLS

Whatever you do dont drag it on and on, get yourself a solicitor, and cover your back and your assets, You and her both deserve better. Do teh decent thing, and get on with it.

I procrastinated for too long, and all exploded on Valentines day, which caused much more hurt than If I had been brutally honest in the first place.

grade15

think in the long term..
will she be ur wife? if not..then wats the point wating time..think of ur future and life..not just her feelings

frivolous_fay

in_a_pickle101 wrote: »

She will throw a fit because we organise a night out last minute and will have stops that last a good 12 hours or more.

Is she taurean? I can't stand this either!

B/F will be lucky to organise a last minute night out and find me leaping for joy at the prospect... doesn't he know I've got hair to wash/legs to shave/no nice clothes ready/dinner in the oven? Grrr!

Apart from that... which might be fixable... it sounds like pretty miserable situation.

celyn90

Oh poor you, I know it must be really difficult for you and your post is very sad. I think you have to bite the bullet and just lay out what you want to happen. I know it's hard, but if your sure that it won't get any better then despite the emotional side of it you just have to do whats right for you. It sounds like she isn't happy either. You sound like a really sensitive, forgiving and tolerant person, so it sounds like it might be hard for you to break that emotional bond and see through that. You are right though, it isn't a relationship if it's one sided at all and it sounds like this is a decision you have made with alot of thought and consideration.

My first comment is that it seems like you are asking her permission to break up and you don't need it. A relationship is over when one party decides it is regardless of what the other thinks. So if you want to break up, how about just saying that the relationship is over rather than you want to finish it? All or nothing I'm afraid.

a) She is an expert manipulator (uses pets as bargaining chips, ie ohh ill never see them again etc etc)

Sorry to ask, but would it really bother you not to see the pets again? Is that all you would stay for? Is that worth maintaining a relationship for? Do you want a relationship based on bargaining for what you want and little games?

b) She has a lot of very life changing experiences coming up, and she would drop them just to spite me and make me feel bad

Okay, this is going to sound properly crass and I'm really sorry for my harshness. This isn't your problem. I'm sorry but it isn't and you should not feel bad about this. If she chooses to do this then it is her choice, not yours and don't allow yourself to be blamed for it. There comes a point in peoples life where they have to start taking responsibility for their own actions and stop blaming other people. If she is willing to drop them to just spite you then she wants to hurt you more than she wanted the outcome of the decision. Show her that it won't hurt you and the element of dropping it for spite is taken away.

c) She will make moving out as hard as she possibly can. Turn on the water works etc etc

It will be hard of course, leaving always is.

Best of luck and I hope you find your way. I'm sorry if my comments are harsh and unfeeling, they aren't meant to be. I know how difficult it is to see through the emotional side of things when you are so used to doing everything you can for someone to keep the relationship stable and avoid conflict. cel x