diary of strugglin working mum

tattycath

BartGirl wrote: »

HI everyone

Am back again albeit briefly

I keep wanting to come back on here and update everyone on how am getting on..although if truth be known am just feeling really s*** in general and on a real downer. I dont know what it is but i am very very weepy and feel so so sad about everything and I dont know why
Even as I am typing this i am crying
I have lost my appetite and I just dont feel motivated in any way shape or form I just feel fed up.
I have been snapping at DS unnecessarily and as a result he's started playing up too..which just winds me up even further
I just dont know where I am any more
I feel like a failure and like we have no future
Deep down I believe that things will get better but right now - today - this very moment it certainly doesnt feel like it
I am happy that GFNs gone but I feel like I have failed and I feel angry that my dream has been shattered
Call me pathetic and I would agree but thats just how I feel right now
Forgive me ranting
I promise in a day or two to return and I shall start again
The new 2010 BartGirl. Not this gibbering wreck

These are not unusual feelings...when I split with the father of my children I had similar feelings on and off for months. I was very lacking in motivation, and weepy-all the feelings you describe. As you say your little one is probably reacting to the tension. You're not pathetic-you're normal.
You are not a failure & things will improve - honest:p
(((hugs)))

poorbabe

Hi BG (((massive hugs to you))))

Just like TC and you, I had those self-same feelings when I had major family problems and had to give up care of a young family member. I felt a complete failure even though everyone said I'd done the best I could, including sacrificing my chance to have a family of my own - nuff said.

The point is these feelings are normal and they last as long as they last but you WILL overcome them and start the upward climb. Maybe you'll need (more) counselling or GP care or just venting on here/to family, but you'll get there. Seek support especially because of the little one, but start taking better care of yourself. Remember, if you fall he does too.

One step at a time. That's all we can do in this kind of situation.

PS: I miss the moneysaving menus you used to put on here

GeorgeUK

Hi Bartgirl, sorry to hear you're having such a hard time right now. Hopefully things will improve soon.

Don't forget that we're here to support as well as beating the debts. If you need to talk, vent or just want someone to listen, we're here for you.

Mollymop5

Hiya
I think you should go and see your GP and discuss your feelings.
Do you have a local surestart centre nearby? I found mine invaluable.I joined groups and sometimes just popped in to have a coffee with other mums while my DD played.Taking timeout can help immensely.

yoni_one

Pathetic is not one of the first words that spring's to mind when I think of your journey Bartgirl, doesn't even make it in the latter few either and I am really sorry you are feeling that way about yourself at least at the time you added to the thread. Sometimes the downers can be a bit overwhelming and it is hard to want to even attempt to focus on the positive in those moments.

I hope things have picked up for you emotionally since yesterday.

Not sure if you are aware but womens aid now have their own forum. I know you get lots of support here but I just wanted to flag up another option should you want to have a nosey you can find it here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/forums.asp?section=0001000100080020&sectionTitle=Survivor%27s+Forum

Take care and please try and cut yourself some slack. From all that I have read any 'failing' was not of your doing but down to the way you were treated by GFN.

You can still have dreams and goals and some of them may be more reachable now that the main barrier, a barrier that actively put you down and tried to keep you there is now removed.

Best wishes for happier thoughts in the very near future

xxx

sans_2

BG,

I agree with what the others have said. You were obviously having not so good a day but you will have a better one. Take one day at a time.

If you are able to focus on money saving - remember your Ebaying days? Well it is free listing auction style this Sunday. Make the most of it and if you make a profit perhaps you could treat yourself and DS to something nice from the sales or even put towards saving.

Take care and remember you have your online friends here.

**Upsy_Daisy**

Hiya BG (and all your e family)

I was up until 3.00 Fri morn reading your diary from start to end - by gum, what a roller coaster.
The early evening soaps got nothing on you
So glad you finally got rid of OH/GFN
Keep strong girl I cried when you said that DS got his toys out to try to keep GFN at home - so reminds me of myself circa 1974

I just posted this 'cos I got a system admin email at work today about a bit of xtra work and I immediately thought of you ( and your e family)

I work in local govt but the jobs are open to anyone...

google census jobs 2011

There are masses of jobs which you can go for and you can do them at hours to suit you - they're ideal for shiftworkers

when I met my DH he was doing census and some days would be out in the am, other pm and other days early evening

It would be an ideal way for you to build a little "holiday fund" to go and visit rellys back home

Anyway, I'm gong to bookmark your thread so I can keep an eye on you and your progres to a new dawn - Insallah

well done so far

UD XXX

BartGirl

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I was feeling really !!!!!! when I wrote that but am alot better today.

I had a session with my counsellor today and we're wrapping things up now in the next 2-3 weeks. She asked how I felt in terms of 'where I am' with myself and my feelings towards GFN. I started crying *again* like a real numpty and I could not really put my finger on it - except she reminded me that the end of a relationship is like the death of someone and you also go through a grieving period and an anger period too..sometimes a bit of both and in no particular order. She also reminded me that alot of GFN was about 'power and control' and that is so so true. I had blocked alot of things out of my mind - regarding our so-called relationship. It made me feel better as a whole - an affirmation of why I am where I am today..in the long run we're much much better off...:T

MONEYSAVING!!
This is why we’re all here anyway – isn’t it ?
I have made a decision to try and make an extra £100 a month by any means necessary! This’ll be a combination of ebay, mystery shopping and any extras that come my way!
So far this month I have made £50 on a focus group; £56 on ebay and am due £ 24 from mystery shopping. I am also doing a craft fair at the end of the month so whatever I make there will be a bonus anyway!
I was going to do more in terms of Ebay listings this month but am busy with work-related stuff so cant really concentrate on that too much.

Am also trying to get the house sorted and declutter in a big, big, way.
As a big ‘plus’ I have booked a 4 day holiday on half term with my DS and my bestest friend, A cheap getaway thanks to RyanAir. These are all things that GFN would turn his nose up at, (unless I footed the entire bill for us ALL) so I get great pleasure in booking last min bargain holidays and swanning off ! Hahahahahahaha

So in general am keeping busy but in my quiet moments I still feel sad.

Like Beyonce I shall learn to pick myself up and dust myself off..a day at a time

tattycath

Your counsellor is spot on-and you will get through this coz you're strong and a fighter-it's just a [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] process that has to be gone through. We're all here for you if you need to lean on us and draw strength and support from us too!! (((hugs)))

GeorgeUK

Hi BG, good to see you back.

Looks like there's going to be no stopping you on the debtbusting.
Might be worth doing a new SOA on the calculator to make sure everything's still on track as it's the start of a new year.
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Enjoy the holiday and try to keep at least some of your reputation in tact