diary of strugglin working mum

Mollymop5

good to hear from you BG.Well done on your shopping trip.Keep posting remember it's good to share

BartGirl

Thanks everyone for your support.

I'll explain everything soon - OH is around until Mon so i am always careful about what / when i post on here..but am still around for now

BartGirl

OH has been away for the last 3 days at a mates place 'up Noorf' !! And it has been absolutely Bliss!! :j

Although I've been at work for most of the time - I've enjoyed the peace and tranquility too!

I also did my monthly food shop in Lidl instead of Aldi - which cost me more or less the same - odd £30 quid.
Also popped into the butchers and got £20 worth of meat for the month although shall probably have to top that up in about 2 weeks.
I must confess to having popped into Sainsburys and spent a fiver on yoghurts for DS as well as my fave 'Smash!'..

I have been reflecting alot on my personal circumstances - financial; emotional etc and I am ever so grateful for all the advice and tips I have received from this site.
I have got to the point where I am now able to make serious savings on a monthly basis - only because i decided to tackle my debts 'head on'. I was truly living the 'rob peter - pay Paul' lifestyle:
There were often times where I'd pay Coucil Tax one month and not the following - cos the MOT was due etc etc and it was a means of getting by..i had no qualms whatsoever doing that either..
However now - I had a proper look at where i was financially and am proud to say that i started the year off with 3 CCs - a provvi loan - a personal loan - and diddly squat savings.
Now I have just the 1 CC which is being managed well (ish!!) - no provvi loan - no personal loan - and building up my savings now!! I would never ever in a million years thought this possible.
Its all been possible through your help and support and i remain truly grateful to everyone on here for that.

My hosp appointment for the colposcopy is on Thurs and I'm feeling really really nervous and teary about it. The GP told me that its moderate dyskaryosis but i am so so scared that i'll end up like Jade Goody with a hysterectomy. I am trying not to think about it but the truth is that I'm s** myself...

On a lighter note..today i'll head out to the market as usual - got a budget of a fiver-ish! And have also decided that i'm going to treat DS and i to a meal at pizza hut using the coupon from here.

Other than that have decided to start Ebaying again and am off to sort out my 'wares'... shall keep you all posted..

sisbod

BG you really are seeing the end of the tunnel and although you have a way to go - you sound SOO determined .
Well done for you having recognised your progress everyone else can see it but if you dont see it yourself it is not worth diddly squat. (take a horse to water and all that)
I am in total awe of you as to the hospital I have every confidence that you will tackle this head on and it will come out to be far worse than you are envisaging. Good Luck!
PM if you want a chat

BartGirl

Hi sisbod

Thank you so much for your kind words.

You are right - I have a way to go; but i feel very very excited and determined.

But I also feel very sad too..because as i am making progress, I am also thinking more and more about 'what the future holds' and I feel sad because when i look to the future I dont see OH by my side..and this makes me feel sad because it reminds me about how much we could have achieved together - had we been singing from the same hymn sheet..but at the same time I also feel too scared to open up and 'let him in' again..as I've achieved all of this - without his help - and he's none the wiser..

But i also feel very sad and angry because I feel that he's robbed me of my dream - my dream of having a happy home with several children - this makes me feel so bitter and sad because DS'll prob grow up without a dad and i would never ever had wanted this for my child..

i'm waffling..am gonna go now..

beckseven

Hi BartGirl-I've read and lurked on your thread for quite a while now but just thought I'd drop you a quick post to say how well you have done. In really really difficult circumstances you have reduced your debt with no help from your OH. Your son is really lucky to be growing up with a mum like you. Good luck with the colposcopy at the hospital and hopefully all will be well for you.

Ellidee

BG ((((((hugs))))) hunny. Can't put it any better than beckseven, my only other thought that you could meet someone else and have the family life you dream of, but feel sure that you will be just fine on your own for at least a while too. So proud of you XX

poorbabe

I concur with beckseven and ellidee :T :j

BartGirl

So we went to Pizza Hut on Sunday and DS got a 'kiddy meal' and i got a 1-person pizza. Including drinks and wedges - with the use of that 50%off couppon - it came to a grand total of £8.57 pence!! I am well chuffed...

Other than that had a nightmare re:the colposcopy..although I'm trying to keep my chin / head up!..

BartGirl

Went into hosp yesterday for the colposcopy. Was kept waiting about 45 mins and had little sleep the night before.

By the time i got called in i was a proper nervous wreck! Dr gave me box of tissues!..anyway they did the procedure and decided that he could treat me on the spot. I had the LLETZ treatment and that was not painful - he also said that whatever he removed he's gonna send to the lab and the results should be out in a week..other than that - another smear in 6 months to ensure 'all is well'...

Thanks everyone for all your kind messages.

Today I've decided it shall be the start of many 'days off' that I'm going to be taking. I have decided that each month I shall set aside some ££ with which i shall treat myself. Today is the first of those days - and i have arranged childcare for the day - and am off on a shopping spree into London with my best mate in the whole wide world. I cant wait cos not done this since DS was born :eek: but in light of yesterday and how much of a nervous wreck i was..i think i need some 'time out'... the budget aint huuuuge..but its still 'time out' ...