diary of strugglin working mum

BartGirl

I feel worn out and fed up..

This is going to be a real 'whingy; whiny' post from me today..you have been warned..;)

I have now made a concerted effort to try and stop talking about my OH and our issues - when i'm with my 'real' friends..cos i am getting the feeling that its becoming like a broken record and i am beginning to sound boring..so instead this forum shall become my 'sounding board' instead.

Yestreday was really rough. I spent the day snapping at DS and feel terrible about that but i realised its cos i truly have no 'me' time at all. Part of this prob is that I would luv-luv-luv to put aside even just 1 day a month to have a haircut / -mani -pedi cure / traipse round the High Street. My main issue is finances - i could easily 'book' an extra day with my childminder - but thats coming outta my pocket of course. I dont have many friends that i'd leave him with anyway - most work too and have an even bigger gaggle of kids (or none at all) so would not be ideal.. I have really sat down and thought this through and realised that my best options would be either my SIL or my neighb's daughter. My SIL is 'with child' - due in Dec - but she has 2 daughters - one 5 and 1 13 who get on with him fabulously..my SIL and i have been getting on well of late - so she may come to good use in the summer hols my neighb's daughter is also a good 1 cos she;s a v.mature 16 y'old who could mind him for an hour-ish - and DS lurves her lil bro (aged 8) who always knocks on for him after school; and her mum did say that her daughter's looking for pocket-money over the summer so that could probably help us both out.

I just feel like I'm missing out on 'me time' now and i know OH is utterly useless co why rely on someone who's never 'there'....

..time out!..rant over..

poorbabe

Hi BartGirl

I've been popping in and out but not posting here or anywhere else recently.

I'd book the young'un for a trial run one Saturday afternoon for an hour or so to see how it goes. If it's a success, then I'd try to make it a regular event, especially during the summer.

Me time is very very important, especially in a situation like yours. It's good for DS to spend time with other people also to improve his social skills.

I deliberately haven't mentioned SIL, in that if you are going to leave 'him', I''m not sure it's a good idea to 'cling' to members of his family, but maybe others can shed light on that. On the other hand, the summer holidays are looming and 'him's' family is an appropriate resource for extended family childcare. At least they can't accuse you of deliberately keeping little'un away from them :rolleyes:

Book your mani/pedi/shopping trial run for this weekend :T :T then you can come round and blitz my place as I'm having a very lazy streak at the minute :cool:. Only two bedrooms too :rotfl:

BartGirl

Hi poorbabe

Thats a really good suggestion about the 'trial run'..however my DS often is at my neighb house playing - its just that i'm usually there too with him having coffee with the mum etc.

I have left him there once before - the 1st time i saw my counsellor and that was cos my babysitter didnt turn up and i was desparate. He was there for about 1.5 hours and she said she didnt have a peep out of him - he was stuck in the boys bedroom the whole time! So i know he'd be just fine..;)

Re: the SIL..she knows a little about her horrilble brother. I just told her he doesnt help - is always out etc etc and she said to me 'what are you hanging around for??'. :T i was rather surprised but then again she has booted out her fair share of men and Will Not put up with any carp! She is also fed up with his disgusting behaviour towards his own family members so...

I'll explore this avenue anyway..thanks again..

Keeping_Positive

Just spotted your latest sig £794 :j

Taking time out for yourself is a good idea. Hope you get some time off ASAP.

Mollymop5

Morning BartGirl, me time is so important!!!!!!!!!
you should definately try to sort something out with your neighbours daughter.Remember you don't need to do something that costs everytime.Even booking her so you can go for a walk or sit and read a book in the park would be well worth it.

BartGirl

URR!!!
Am having serious financial battles..but am being spurred on by my growing savings account!

I went into Aldi and spent £12 on 2 duvet sets. I'd only intended to buy 1 but i sat and thought about it and realised that the last time i bought a decent duvet cover was when DS was born; summer 2005..:eek: so i thought 'sod it..'

I also have been so so tempted to splash out on take-aways; in OHs absence - but i have paused many a time and decided against it. Although the other day i did treat DS to a Happy Meal. The lady charged me £2.19 or something like that and when i questioned her saying its usually £2 she smiled politely and said 'whens the last time you were in here?' which admittedly was a while ago that made me feel tons better..

Took DS for his footie class this mornin; and bought fruits from the market once we were done..my dad'll be staying a few days and had bought some fish from Tesco that i'll pop in the oven this eve with fish fingers for DS. Yesterday i badly wanted pizza but i just felt loathe to spend a tenner at my local yummy pizza place - but remembered that i had loadsa potatoes in so i made a tuna & sweetcorn jacket potato instead. Feel so relieved i didnt 'just spend it'. Also have done a laundry load thats on the line as i type!

Aside from all that i'm starting to fee down now cos OH'll be back at the crack of dawn on Wed..:( i cant believe how chilled and less-stressed I've been feeling - not on edge - cant put my finger on it...

Anyway - gotta hoover before daddy dearest arrives..yippee :j

Mollymop5

Hi Bartgirl hows it going? Is your dad still with you?

Buzzbox

There has been little activity here in the last few days.... hope your doing fine Bartgirl!

basketcase

Hi BG!

How's it going?

BartGirl

Apologies for having disappeared for so so long but as usual alot has been going on.

Lets start with the MSE / DFW side of things..

I have done 1 mystery shop with another 2 booked for this weekend. I've also done no ebaying whatsoever unfortunately but i did do a stall at our local fair this weekend-which made me £90. £30 was the fee for the event then OH 'helped himself' to £40 - says it'll be paid back but i'm not holding my breath..thats another story.
Also, I have been trying to get my charges back from the 2 CCs that I had. I have heard from one - I had asked for £180 back; they have offered £72. I've just sent them the letter saying that i decline that offer. I have also written to the other one since they have not bothered to respond - threatening court action..Lets see. Between them I could get a potential £400!
I have also managed to add another £100 to my savings - so i'm feeling pretty chuffed about that at the moment.Now that I am finally on top of things financially - I have been able to splash out and treat myself to a few bits and bobs - and got DS some bits for a tenner in Mothercare; then i treated myself to some moccasins from an Ebay shop; plus beautiful clog-type sandals from TK Maxx which were only £20. I find it very very difficult though and always feel guilty that I have 'treated myself' but i suppose I need to learn how to 'undo' that silly feeling..:rolleyes:

OH has been back about a week now; and although it was good to have some space - it was not enough! My dad was here for alot of the time and unfortunately while he was here we experienced a break-in (another story). My dad was pretty shaken up and i had to take time off work to help sort that out. Meanwhile my dad - bless him - can be quite demanding and was expecting alot of me so it was tiring trying to juggle him, DS, work, home etc..Also while he was here, he explained that my mum's health has seemed to have taken a turn for the worse; she's self-diagnosing; not taking her meds properly etc. I just felt that with all of that going on - I couldnt lumber him with my own issues too. I was so keen to get it all off my chest but after the way he reacted to the break-in; it made me realise that he actually is sort of an 'old' man now..in his early 60s..I dont know how much he's capable of 'taking on'..so i decided to leave it for now..

Anyway - OH returned last week, and I didnt see much of him on Day One cos he was asleep alot. Jet lag etc. That evening I decided to take us all out for a meal - which was nice; he was telling me all about his journey etc and it was raining quite hard so he offered to drive home. Civilised! However; on Day Two he slipped into his usual moody self - and just when I was about to slip into my 'disappearing mode' (where i either and up tidying bedroom / bathroom/ early night etc) to avoid him - he came up to me and told me to ignore is moods! Then left the house. Day Three he shocked me by coming home early and staying home too! He remained civil throughout and i told him that I'd be doing a stall on Sun - asked if he'd like to help out with DS - he said he would as long as he had a decent brekkie beforehand..but i told him he'd have to contend with what we had indoors. He started whinging about 'not the bread I like; no eggs' but I put my foot down. In any case; the event started at 11 and he turned up just after midday with DS in tow. He actually stayed with us the whole day! DS was visibly shocked and kept mentioning it too! I could see him getting wound up by DSs antics; but nothing he could do about it.

So all in all he seems to have changed somewhat but I'm not sure how long he'll be able to keep it up for..he's still spending alot of time on his mobile - but he's home early and stays home - which is unusual. So lets see..watch this space..!