diary of strugglin working mum

SarahNeedle1872

I'm so pleased for you! Your posts sound so positive!
Having never been in you situation, I can't offer too much practical advice, just lots of moral support and (((hugs)))

Sarah x

BartGirl

shell_girl wrote: »

Hi Bart Girl
Most perpetrators are described as ‘charming’, or ‘so lovely at first’. The fact is that if they were abusive all the time, or from the moment we meet them, then we wouldn’t get into/stay in a relationship with them. Abuse is about nothing but power and control- /quote]

Its interesting that you should say that - but this is what the lady kept saying to me: power and control is all that its about. And I know this prob sounds really stupid but this never really dawned upon me until she pointed it out! She told me alot about him / his behaviour - without knowing him; just that his behaviour is typical of many men etc She also gave me alot of advice on what things to look out for, how to manage my current situation etc - she was so so informative i wanted to give her a massive hug at the end. It was overwhelming but this morning i feel ab-fab and havent felt like this in a long, long time :j


BTW Shell - just wanted to say that i love your signature..looks like we're both on the same page!

pavlovs_dog

glad to hear that you're getting support hun xx

BartGirl

Yesterday was just too weird a day..

Was in the house most of the day - felt really drained after Fri's session; alot had been going thru my head and cos of all the sleepless nights i've been having I guess it took it caught up with me and i felt truly tired and run-down.

OH woke up in a foul mood as usual and like the WA lady recommended - i stayed out of his way.He wanted to know why i'd not been to the market cos we had no fruits in, and he likes his fruit in the morning. I told him it was far too cold and windy to take DS with me so i'd go once DS had his nap - and OH can keep an eye on him. He muttered that it'd be too late then cos he was going out shortly. He was also upset with the food i'd prepared - spaghetti isn't filling enough apparently so he stormed off muttering he had no choice but to get a take-away.
He stormed back in about 1 min later saying he's got a flat battery etc so he cant go anywhere - he's on his last £70 - thats all he's got to last the month etc etc all of this is going on while he's marching up and down in a real state.

I offered to call a local garage across the road who sell batteries - but did he want to let me drag the Yellow Pages out to call them etc? He was so het up he was talking a-mile-a-minute about "where's the flippin garage then. Where? Where? Whats the number? Where's the number? Call it. How much do they charge" without breathing in between his grilling. I just had to tell myself to count to 10 and breathe! He was so het up that he dialled the wrong number and snapped at the poor other person on the end of the line! He finally got thru and the garage man came and sorted him out within less than 15 min.

He returned home and then continued banging on about how he truly is broke - the battery cost him £70 - now no money for petrol to get to work next week etc etc. I offered him £20 for his petrol (an amount i know he can afford to repay when paid). He continued marching up and down and the usual "I'm sick and f*'in tired of having to live hand to mouth; we have no savings; cant take of ourselves when emergencies like this happen; life isnt fair; i work all the time - but for what? blah blah blah" the voice got raised; he stormed Off; slammed door behind him and jumped into the car and took off at high speed screeching all over the place..:eek:

Luckily DS was having a nap while all this was kicking off.

Once he woke up, i wrapped him up all warm - even though it was raining I just needed to get out of there. OH turned up as this was going on. Asked where I was going - told him market - and despite the fact that he knew it was raining etc and my car knackered etc he just pushed past us and went into the kitchen to sort his food out. I was about to tell him to keep an eye on DS while i nipped out but one look at his face and I changed my mind.

It was 6pm by now so market was shut, and as i was walking along i just felt 'despair' and really really down about the whole situation. So i just walked around the shops pretty aimlessly and at a mega-slow pace; just to kill time..it just made me realise how messed up my situation truly is and how i really need to get out asap.

So came home, ran a bath for DS and OH muscled his way in and said he'd do it (this happens about every 6 months)..so he bathed, dressed and fed DS while i watched telly! I decided not to make any dinner and helped myself to the rest of his take-away.. the whole time he wasnt talking to me At All.

Until later that night I produced the £20 for his petrol..needless to say within the hour he'd 'thawed out' and found it within himself to conversate with me.
So - that was yesterday. I was secretly hoping that he'd go out with his mates and use that £20 so i could have some 'space'..but he didnt.

Still, today's a new day - I pop into Lidl, market, and Ebay listings end. Shall also work on that SOA as well..
Fingers crossed for a better day..:T

Mollymop5

I can totally sympathise with you BartGirl.Yesterday was a horrible day but you mustn't let it get you down or he will win!
Today is a new day and one day closer to getting out of there.You did really well yesterday getting out of there for some space and for keeping ds out of it.I used to let me other half rant and rave at me as I found it easier not to argue back.Things calmed down alot quicker.
Just use the coping mechanisms womans aid talked about and keep you focus on getting out of there

~Yorkshire_Belle~

Good advice from Mollymop. Really feel for you and understand how hard it is. Never liked it when people say 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' but it is true, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep being strong, you are doing so well.

BartGirl

~Yorkshire_Belle~ wrote: »

Never liked it when people say 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' .

Hi Y Belle

Its ironic you should say that - cos thats one of his favourite phrases :mad:

~Yorkshire_Belle~

Oh dear! Sorry to remind you!

Ellidee

:kisses3: Hun sorry you had such a carp day yesterday after sounding so optimistic first thing. Big hugs ((((())))) XX El

yoni_one

((Bartgirl))

After your WA appointment you will be looking at what happens at home with new eyes and that takes some getting used to. As horrible a day as you had yesterday you handled it really really well keeping both yourself and DS safe.