diary of strugglin working mum

pavlovs_dog

you know your no spend on food/drink in work challenge? i have a suggestion for you if you have a locker. spend a couple of quid on cereal bars, drinks etc from the supermarker to store in your locker, and voila, you have your very own cost effective vending machine

mine currently houses a bottle of squash, some cup a soups, hot chocolate powder, aldi own brand nutri grain bars and a box of own brand cereal bars. if i can find mini individual sachets of ready brek cheaply i will be buying some of those too, as there is always milk in work for us to use free of charge. porridge = cheap and filling. (my locker is probably 1foot by 1 foot square - you'd be amazed what you can fit in such a little space if you pack it well )

best of all, its all less calorific than the rubbish that comes out of the vending machine, and i dont have to faff trying to find the right change!

BartGirl

CarolynH wrote: »

Bartgirl, don't beat yourself up over £20 quid. You are doing SO well. Look at it in context - i.e £20 compared to everything you have saved, everything you have E-bayed and every penny of debt you have paid off. It's is a tiny, tiny blip and you are still heading in the right direction.

Thanks Carolyn

I never thought of it in this context before - thats a really truly supportive post! You lifted my spirit a whole lot there..cheers!

BartGirl

pavlovs_dog wrote: »

think of it as an investment. you can take it with you when you leave, cant you your lad will need a nice room in your new home too.

Precisely what i was thinking

BartGirl

pavlovs_dog wrote: »

you know your no spend on food/drink in work challenge? i have a suggestion for you if you have a locker. spend a couple of quid on cereal bars, drinks etc from the supermarker to store in your locker, and voila, you have your very own cost effective vending machine

How interesting Pavlov - we are truly on the 'same page'..what you;ve just described is the exact method that i have been using to maintain my minimum 'work food spend'..I had mentally decided that as long as i've provided for myself - either make a sarnie at home or bring in leftovers, I too have a huge 'stash' at work its worked out perfectly; and i had also decided that i'd aim for a max £5/month 'work food budget' so that on the odd day when i fancy something different - i wouldnt feel like i'm beating myself up..i also take in fruit, tiny Tuna tins (from Aldi) - these all work a treat..

So thanks again!

BartGirl

Have had a fairly DFW day today. I've:

• done a small shop in Aldi for £13; bread, milk, eggs, cereal, yoghurt, fruit, veg, frozen fish fillets, juice
• went to the local refuse place and ditched broken DVD,blender,hifi
• posted 2 ebay items which were paid for last night :j
• bought a small chicken which shall roast tonight - intend it to be a rubber chicken altho its only a small one..
• called old car insurance company for £30 refund..on its way apparently
• taken DS to park

I'm off to sort out extra Ebay items..see ya!

BartGirl

Started off with another MSE/DFW-type day today..

• had early app at Boots opticians for a contact lense fitting - had a coupon for 1 month Free Trial :j
• got free tub of Lurpak from supermarket - using MOC
• deposited £2 worth of coppers into my savings acc
• spent £6 on curtain pole for DSs room - just need OH to put it up. This year hopefully..

And now i'm off to work - shall make sarnie first..

BartGirl

Been away from here for a few days..

Good and Bad has happened. Shall start with Bad first and get that out the way..
Bad -

• my car's broken down. Had the AA rescue me etc and were really helpful. Been ringing round garages and best quote i can get is £299 from Mr clutch - which can be done by Mon a.m. My local guy would maybe be cheaper but he has no slots till April 30th..the unfortunate thing is that i'd have to use up my savings to do this - and thats a huge chunk of it..but at least i have the money available. This time last year ?? No chance..I really need the car done asap cos no other way to get DS to childcare -in car is 15min but on bus its 2 buses about 45min in total. And when i have a 8 a.m.start thats just not reaslitic..
• I also havent paid my council tax this month - £170 (incl arrears) so that also'll come from my savings because my current account has v.v.little in it at the mo.
• No Ebay bidders / watchers - but it ends tomorrow so lets see..

The Good is that I had the first session with the Women's Aid lady. It was an extremely useful appointment and she's referred me to all sorts of different facilities for people in my position. I wept throughout the whole session because I had to be honest and tell her everything but she was so so knowledgeable about my situation and she also taught me a few coping mechanisms that will definetly come in handy..I also wept all the way home (in the wind, rain etc cos car knackered!) but more from relief and happiness knowing that there's someone out there who understands what I'm going through and also that there's support for me 'when the time comes'...It was weird cos deep down i feel abit frightened that i've revelaed to someone 'official' about whats been going on - but i also know its 100% confidential so i have nothing to worry about..OH been rather nice of late but i dont know what thats about ??if he had any inkling that of that meeting - that would be the end of me.I slept well for the first time in a long time, and this has meant that , I now feel armed with the knowledge/help that I need, and so for everyone who recommended i go down this route.. i shall be taking the time out to thank-you all personally. You know who you are..

SarahNeedle1872

Nice to see you back BG, had wondered where you had been.... I am SO glad that you went to WA, and that it has helped you... You certainly deserve some good to happen to you (damn you car!) so this is like a new beginning :T
How often do you go back to WA?

Sarah x

shell_girl

Hi Bart Girl
I’m so glad you went to the appointment with WA. Sometimes it can help so much to know you’re not the only one out there going through this can’t it?

With regard to what you mentioned about your OH being pleasant at the moment- you probably discussed this at your appointment but I’ll say it anyway! Most perpetrators are described as ‘charming’, or ‘so lovely at first’. The fact is that if they were abusive all the time, or from the moment we meet them, then we wouldn’t get into/stay in a relationship with them. Abuse is about nothing but power and control- and by showing you his ‘nice face’ every now and again your OH is making you question yourself and wonder if it’s as bad as you thought.

You’re doing so well and I’m really pleased that you went to the WA appointment. Some WA groups can refer to the Freedom Programme free of charge and it’s a really good course for women who have been through a relationship like yours- it really helps to recognise abusive behaviours and build confidence back in the fact that it’s your OH’s problem and not caused by anything you’ve done.

I’ve been reading your diary with interest for a while now, please keep posting because you’re doing an amazing job.

BartGirl

I wont be going back to this particular lady unless i need specific assistance from her (legal; support etc) but i shall be going to a drop-in centre she's recomm to me, as well as seeing one of her counsellors specifically for the issues i'm dealing with; for practical advice;how to handle him, DS, etc..i cant wait!