Working Away is hazardous

racer991

Hi All.


I'm a new poster on here but I'm reliably informed that this place is populated with rational level headed types (hope they are right).


Its a bit of a heavy topic for my first post but here goes.


A co-worker of mine has been on Twitter and other sites 'seeking' with mixed results. For fun I told him I would set up a profile and find someone for him. I told him this and he agreed - I don't think he was expecting much of a result.


Did a search - and found my wife's profile.


It dates back a couple of years.


Cue the reason for the post title, I have always 'worked away' in various roles. Some have kept me in the UK and others have been abroad. Generally I enjoy what I do (and quietly accept that I have to travel to do it).I realise that spending time apart does place a strain on a relationship but I hoped that if it was becoming too much that she would have said something rather than seeking solace with another.


I am not angry with her - I am angry with me that I have allowed this to happen and haven't noticed. I have no desire to end things; I want to talk about it and move on but I can't seem to decide how. She means everything to me.


Racer991

Robisere

racer 991, that is saddening. I spent 12 years in the Army and saw marriages wrecked by young wives 'playing away' when their husbands were on exercise or detached to places like Northern Ireland. It happened to me, although my circumstances were different: my first OH was German, we had two children and I was posted to NI 3 times for 3- and 6-month tours. It all blew up in my face and I still recall the pain, over 40 years later.

You are spot on when you say you are angry at yourself: that is exactly how I felt. I also felt guilty and still feel guilty today. Even though I have a family now that I love, I still wonder from time to time, why I did not see it earlier and talk about it. My 'solution' was forced upon me by being ejected from our home (I 'lived - out' in the Gasthaus she owned) and eventually left Germany and the Army. I moved on, but was off the rails for over a year.

I don't have any advice to offer you, except to consider the fact that your wife's profile " dated back a couple of years". Does that mean that her profile is no longer active? If that is so, you have two stark choices: ignore that you ever saw this, or face your wife with it and listen carefully to what she says. If she really does matter that much to you, perhaps the first option may be best for now.

There is no simple answer, but I do feel for you. We blokes are not supposed to be sensitive enough to be hurt, are we? Nonsense, it is bloody painful. Good luck.

selement

There's a chance she made a profile but didn't take it any further. I don't know if that's a helpful thought or not. Talk it over or let it go

seashore22

I didn't know Twitter was used as a dating site.

Angry_Bear

seashore22 wrote: »

I didn't know Twitter was used as a dating site.

^^ This.
Twitter is not primarily used as a dating site, so if you've found her twitter profile then perhaps you've misunderstood?

gingercordial

Do you mean Tinder, which is a dating site?

Fosterdog

As above Twitter is not a dating site but in case you found her on another instead and it is a few years old it could be more innocent than you think. When a number of the modern day dating sites were first starting out they were linked to things like Facebook purely as an extension to social networking and they developed and evolved over time into actual dating sites. I always remember Zoosk starting out that way and I added it to my Facebook because a large number of my friends had it, it wasn't a dating app or at least wasn't advertised as such, I was single at the time but not looking for anyone so had no need for a dating site. These days it is a very popular dating site. It is possible that your wife did something similar.

trailingspouse

Maybe she did it for a friend??

How will you feel if she searches and finds you? How will she feel?

I would remove your profile asap, forget you ever saw hers - and treat her the way you wished you had.

racer991

Sorry, as Fosterdog says, it was probably tinder. The profile I set up for him was on another site

racer991

Why would she post her own picture wearing 'not a lot' if she was trying to attract for another?

SaLoGo

Robisere wrote: »

I spent 12 years in the Army and saw marriages wrecked by young wives 'playing away' when their husbands were on exercise or detached to places like Northern Ireland.

It also happens the other way round... I was married to a soldier for 8 years. He had transferred to the Royal Signals from the Infantry but had to complete his phase 2 training which meant living apart for near on 6 months. Despite only being 27 miles away and coming home most weekends he still managed to find time to meet someone new and get her pregnant. Not always the wives who played away. Both sexes can be as bad as each other!