My child is a thief

iammumtoone

I have a child with diagnosed ADHD and can confirm that it is not the magic answer people on here are seemly thinking it is. A diagnosis is just that, I have found it doesn't lead to help needed, you still have to push and fight for everything which is hard especially on top of having a child that is difficult to parent anyway.

OP I know all about the guilt you feel yourself about not being able to manage your child plus the fact that others seems to re-enforce that, they can parent their child(ren) so why can't you? Then of course the other guilt you feel that ADHD is not a condition just a label for bad parenting as you have read and had this re-enforced by others that it doesn't exist.

Why do you think your child had ADHD? Steeling is very common for a child to do for all sorts of reasons. I did it and grew up to be a hopefully respectable person. I have lots of friends whose children have done the same and they turn out fine.

You are welcome to PM me about the ADHD and process of getting a diagnoses if you like. I think you have taken alot of stick on this thread which is not deserved.

Good Luck

Caroline_a

I think if it was me I would get the whole family together, having bought a safe, and say something like 'Right, we have a thief in this family as I've got money missing. Therefore we can't have/do xyz. My purse is from now on in living in this safe so whichever one of you has done it won't be able to do it again.'

LadyDee

Nicki wrote: »

The school leaving age is now 18 so children need to be in education or formal training (e.g. apprenticeships) until then. I assume when the OP was referring to the child getting a job she meant a paper round or part time work which fits around school for spending money not full time employment.

My 17 year old who is starting his last year at school in September doesn't have an external job though he is happy to babysit his younger siblings when needed, and has an allowance. He works hard at school and personally I think this is OK. He'll have plenty of time working for a living before he retires!

18? Really? https://www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school

Spendless

LadyDee wrote: »

18? Really? https://www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school

Yes. From the link

You can leave school on the last Friday in June if you’ll be 16 by the end of the summer holidays.

You must then do one of the following until you’re 18:

stay in full-time education, for example at a college
start an apprenticeship or traineeship
spend 20 hours or more a week working or volunteering, while in part-time education or trainingWhich is exactly what Nicki said, stay in education or some kind of formal training such as apprenticeship.

Staying in education doesn't have to mean doing A levels and doesn't mean you have to be in a school or sixth form college either. My son is the same age as Nicki's left school last summer. He's been at a FE college doing a BTEC level 3 in computing and goes into the 2nd year of this next month.

Rags2riches

There is 5% of doubt and uncertainty. You have no hard proof.. only a very good hunch.

Rather than accusing them of stealing, why not ask them the question, and put a slant on it. Has anybody 'borrowed £40' or 'seen this £40'?

You probably know the answer they will give already but give them an opportunity to tell you the truth.

ska_lover

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Seriously??:eek:

My parents were badly-off back whilst bringing me up - as my mother didnt go back to work for quite some time after having us. So I recall all sorts of stuff - like unheated bedrooms/not very healthy diet/no holidays/very few clothes. But we did have our pocket money (if not as much as I would have liked).

I've certainly read articles about how much pocket money the average British child gets and it's very much as I would expect - ie a reasonable amount of it and it goes up with age.

I find it shocking that a parent would prioritise giving the kids a few coins for sweets above putting that money towards a decent diet and heating?? Is this a joke

Malthusian

ska_lover wrote: »

I find it shocking that a parent would prioritise giving the kids a few coins for sweets above putting that money towards a decent diet and heating?? Is this a joke

Because children would be perfectly happy to receive no pocket money as they would understand that salad is expensive. Get real.

Pretty much everyone turns the heating off at night unless they're very extravagant (beds are inherently warm and you can't be cold if you're asleep) so if you're on a tight budget it makes perfect sense to not heat the bedrooms.

annandale

I think there's a lot to be said for parents trying to give their kids a bit of pocket money even though they don't have much.

ska_lover

Malthusian wrote: »

Because children would be perfectly happy to receive no pocket money as they would understand that salad is expensive. Get real.

Pretty much everyone turns the heating off at night unless they're very extravagant (beds are inherently warm and you can't be cold if you're asleep) so if you're on a tight budget it makes perfect sense to not heat the bedrooms.

When they are obese adults with diabetes / high cholesterol , I am sure they will be happy then too

ska_lover

annandale wrote: »

I think there's a lot to be said for parents trying to give their kids a bit of pocket money even though they don't have much.

I do, like they need to teach their kids that it isn't a god given right to have pocket money or that they are automatically entitled to it, when it comes at the expense of the family food budget or the families health