My child is a thief

pearl123

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Seriously??:eek:

My parents were badly-off back whilst bringing me up - as my mother didnt go back to work for quite some time after having us. So I recall all sorts of stuff - like unheated bedrooms/not very healthy diet/no holidays/very few clothes. But we did have our pocket money (if not as much as I would have liked).

I've certainly read articles about how much pocket money the average British child gets and it's very much as I would expect - ie a reasonable amount of it and it goes up with age.

I never had pocket money.I would very occasionally get some money for washing the car.

balletshoes

pearl123 wrote: »

I never had pocket money.I would very occasionally get some money for washing the car.

I didn't get pocket money as a child, neither did my child until she became a teenager - and its not considered by either of us "as of right".

determined_new_ms

If he has ADHA then impulsivity is a aspect of the disorder and he will have no control over it. My daughter has a disorder with similarities and stole from me for years. It was a nightmare because we could not afford it, I constantly then bought things on credit cards and we went more and more into debt. At 23 she has learnt to not do it, but we son't live together any longer and the last time she did I made it very clear she would not step 1 foot into our house if it ever happened again.

The only way I was able to stop it was hiding my purse/cards/money somewhere she couldn't find them.

moneyistooshorttomention

Quick google later and it is the norm to have pocket money - as I thought.

Various articles up there - basically it varies with age and there is a bit of sexism going on still:eek: (with boys still getting a little bit more than girls on average:eek:). For those 15 upwards - it's £9.50 average in Britain. Makes us pretty mean compared to some other European countries. It's £28 in Austria and £40 in Luxembourg. Britain is down at the level of Eastern European countries. 70% of parents tie it to doing chores. (From a recent Guardian article).

I certainly had some regularly from a pretty young age. Knowing the way my mother thinks - it was done because it's the norm and also to help me learn how to budget my money (in readiness for having to do so as an adult).

Morglin

Although it's annoying and distressing, many, many teenagers go through this phase and grow out of it. Some shoplift, some steal from home, some do both.

Personally, I'd buy a cheap home safe (Argos do them) and keep money etc, in there.

As punishment, and only if you know it's him, I'd remove one of his gadgets for a week, such as phone, tablet, whatever.

As I say, most teenagers, when they start proper work turn into nice, honest people - it's the 'hormone years' that are murderous.

Lin

fred246

I found giving the children pocket money very useful. We never have cash so we opened an account for each child and pay by standing order. Now up to age X £3 per child per month. They get a lot of birthday and Christmas money. I used to keep 3 desktop PCs in a row so each child had internet access for homework etc. I was really fed up when laptops and mobiles and tablets arrived so I declared all such devices must be purchased by the child. They are so careful with whatever they buy and choose wisely. If they ever want something you don't approve of you just say "well it is your money". When they were young we used to walk them to a cash point before purchase. Now they have their own debit cards.

Paradigm

foolofbeans wrote: »

I have tried encouraging them to get a job as they are easy to find around here but they have no inclination to get one.

I gave mine pocket money & when they reached the age where they could earn some money ( even a paper round) I expected them to do just that.
I made it clear that any money they earned was on top of their pocket money, not instead of. It was also made clear that an attitude like the bold above would mean pocket money was stopped.
I'm not sure I'd consider giving a 17 year old pocket money, at that age it's time you were starting to do stuff for yourself.

AylesburyDuck

foolofbeans wrote: »

I took cash from the cash machine after work, put it in a zipped compartment in my bag and came straight home apart from stopping to put diesel in the car which I paid for by card. There is a slim chance it could have gone elsewhere but that chance is VERY slim.
Child has undiagnosed ADHD I believe and I never pushed for a diagnosis as that doesn't solve the issue, just gives it a name.

So, your child has an undiagnosed problem that you cant be bothered to seek help for, that could benefit your child in many many ways with help, counseling and possible medication, YET you choose to focus on the problems this causes yourself and would rather kick your child out!
My god, i'm glad you wernt my mother, i actually feel sorry for your child, not you!

Robisere

Get a safe, as advised above. Get help for your child, by getting a diagnosis. It's NOT a "label", it's help NOW which will help the child deal with their future. That future will be one of criminality, because they keep getting away with what is actual criminal behaviour NOW.

This not all about you and what you think, it's about your child and doing what is best for that child NOW. In less than a year this child will be an adult. Do you really want to throw him/her out on the streets then, and see them develop into a full-blown criminal, or something else? All because your beliefs about "labels" are preventing a diagnosis and real help.

pearl123

You could install a small spy camera.