Staying at partners etiquette

Kirstie_

dancing_star wrote: »

Seriously, reading this and your other thread, you need to stop listening to your colleagues! Or at the very least stop worrying about what they say! Let it wash over you and nod blankly.

In fact, stop worrying full stop and enjoy the moment.

I know, I spend a lot of time with these people and they do eventually get to you!

getmore4less

Basic rules.

Don't cost money, bring/pay enough to cover your consumptions.

Leave the place at least as tidy/clean as it was when you turn up

Don't overdo the cleaning your not his mum.

NeilCr

Actually, trust your partner when he says you don't need to do anything.

I know from how me and my OH were when we started out. I tended to say sorry a lot and, in the end, she put her foot down. She said that unless she said there was a problem there wasn't one.

You sound, like me, that you are a pleaser. But, sometimes, that can get a bit irritating.

Marvel1

Advice: take what your colleagues say with a pinch of salt.

pearl123

Be natural. Perhaps do the washing up. If the place looks clean don't do much, if untidy offer to do more, but no necessarily the first time you visit.

Relax

Kirstie_

Its very clean there. I'm not trying to be annoying I just have been brought up to show thanks. His place is very clean so I wouldn't get the hoover out haha! Just either get take away, beer or cook.

Loz01

Ignore work people, I often find my work colleagues advice on life a bit bizarre lmao. Take something with you as a treat, e.g. a bottle of wine or some chocolate/sweets or offer to cook dinner. As for chores I would just go with instincts and do what seems obvious at the time, don't massively over think it....

ViolaLass

Kirstie_ wrote: »

Its very clean there. I'm not trying to be annoying I just have been brought up to show thanks. His place is very clean so I wouldn't get the hoover out haha! Just either get take away, beer or cook.

If I had a boyfriend staying round every weekend, I'm not sure I would require him to show his thanks every time. I'd just want to spend time with him.

Geoff1963

I live with my parents and they don't want us sleeping together at their house

My parents insisted my brother and his fiancee had separate rooms. Their house, their rules.

At a friend's house for dinner, I dried the dishes they were washing.
They said, "You don't have to do that".
I replied, "If I thought I had to, then I wouldn't have come".

Shopping is good. If your local supermarket has something on offer that your partner needs, you can buy it "on their behalf" ( good MSE behaviour ), but without getting reimbursed. Or you buy 8 kitchen rolls because it is a cheaper rate than pairs, but you can't store them all.

As for advice :
http://fablesofaesop.com/the-man-the-boy-and-the-donkey.html

others say I don't go far enough, they say I should offer money,

That's good, but then the amount needs deciding. Perhaps they can be asked to put a price on every activity you do there :
1) Making myself a cup of tea = 50p
2) Making my partner a cup of tea = -80p
( and hence )
3) Making both of us a cup of tea = -30p )
etc.
Ask them for at least 100 examples, so you can be sure you are properly following their advice. Maybe they can set up a firm of consultants which sells lists.
I even have a web-site suggestion for them : wepokeournoseinyourbusiness.com

maman

If this is a fairly new partner and you feel like a guest then behave like a guest. Take a gift like wine or beer, leave the bathroom clean and make the bed. Maybe offer to pay for a meal if you go out.

If, on the other hand, you see this as a long term relationship and your weekends are a sort of dry run for moving in together then I think you should share chores and cooking and maybe shop together at least for the weekend.