Staying at partners etiquette

Kirstie_

I stay over at my partners house for weekends at a time, Mostly because I live with my parents and they don't want us sleeping together at their house and I totally respect that and I'm not here to moan about that.

Yesterday at work we were discussing the whole etiquette around this, Some say you have to give back in lieu of rent others say nothing is due because you are their guest. This got me thinking, What would you do if you spent the weekend at your partners?

Personally I do:

- Offer to take us out for dinner/lunch somewhere as a thank you, or get some shopping in
- Regardless if there is something I specifically want I'll buy and bring it.
- Do cleaning if needbe round the house (Make the bed etc)

Am I wrong doing this? Some say I am, others say I don't go far enough, they say I should offer money, My partner says I don't need to do anything.I just feel its the right thing to do

lika_86

If your partner lives alone then I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't do normally (offer to help with dishes etc), but if they live with other people then I'd offer something towards house bills generally (not just to mitigate your partner's contributon) as a sign of good will and to ensure that people don't get annoyed by the presence of a housemate they never agreed to.

belfastgirl23

Definitely wouldn't offer money (that would be weird imho unless you're bringing all your washing or something very energy consuming lol!) but definitely helping out/cooking/bringing a bottle of wine and dinner. If there's an occasional one off cost (e.g. replacing a gas cylinder for cooking or something) you could offer to pay for it though. You don't want them to shoulder additional costs due to you being there but I don't think you should be covering their basic living costs unless they are struggling to make ends meet.

*edit* I'm presuming they live alone, if not then Ilka above is right

System

i wouldnt go as far as offering money but i think it would be nice if you cooked you both a meal or did the vacuuming before you left.

Mojisola

Kirstie_ wrote: »

I
Some say you have to give back in lieu of rent others say nothing is due because you are their guest.

Some say I am, others say I don't go far enough, they say I should offer money,

My partner says I don't need to do anything.

Are you staying with your workmates or your partner?

Surely you should take your lead from your partner?

If he/she doesn't want you to start doing housework or buying shopping but you feel uncomfortable not contributing, go with the meal out or similar.

Kirstie_

My partner lives alone, I just don't feel comfy not bringing something because I feel he has additional costs with me being around

Jackmydad

Money would be weird.
Help with the normal domestic jobs while you're there, and chuck some wine / beer "treat" type food in the fridge?

Mojisola

Kirstie_ wrote: »

My partner lives alone, I just don't feel comfy not bringing something because I feel he has additional costs with me being around

Then talk it through.

He might not need any financial contribution but he's going to be sensitive to your need to bring something - isn't he?

comeandgo

I would bring some food and cook an evening meal, buy wine or beer but not give money, this changes the weekend from friendly to commercial.

dancing_star

Kirstie_ wrote: »

Am I wrong doing this? Some say I am, others say I don't go far enough, they say I should offer money, My partner says I don't need to do anything.I just feel its the right thing to do

Seriously, reading this and your other thread, you need to stop listening to your colleagues! Or at the very least stop worrying about what they say! Let it wash over you and nod blankly.

In fact, stop worrying full stop and enjoy the moment.

Kirstie_

He understand why I bring particular things because I am coeliac.