Sharing household chores

theoretica

indiepanda wrote: »

By all means encourage your children to share in jobs around the home on the grounds of fairness, but making out you are doing them a favour in teaching them life skills I think is a bogus reason.

I interpret teaching life skills completely differently - it is not just that they need a bit of learning how to do them, whether they are fairly rapid to learn (how to sort laundry into loads) or more involved (such as becoming a good cook). But it is also about being responsible, learning to pull your own weight and not always do whatever you most want to at that moment. Part of growing up really, which for many people doesn't come in one easy flash when they reach 18 or move out.

indiepanda

theoretica wrote: »

I interpret teaching life skills completely differently - it is not just that they need a bit of learning how to do them, whether they are fairly rapid to learn (how to sort laundry into loads) or more involved (such as becoming a good cook). But it is also about being responsible, learning to pull your own weight and not always do whatever you most want to at that moment. Part of growing up really, which for many people doesn't come in one easy flash when they reach 18 or move out.

Perhaps I find it hard to judge from the perspective of someone different to me. I think I was prone to being excessively responsible as a child.... I even went to university and spent the first term cleaning up after my 12 housemates. (Eventually went on strike and some of the others started pulling their weight.) Even as a thirty something I had to learn being overly responsible at work was a failing and I had to know when to escalate to someone with more power to fix the issue. Not sure why I was like that but I had a fairly strict upbringing with few indulgences so I don't think I ever was under the impression I could just do whatever I wanted in the moment.

Batman2017

I know somebody who was pandered to all of his upbringing, even as an adult child living at home, he had his cup of tea brought to him in bed every morning, sandwiches made for his work, dad coming round to change a lightbulb, the list goes on.

He has been moved out with his girlfriend for years now. No diy is done in the house without his dad coming round to do it. Not even putting up a shelf. His girlfriend has got tired of doing all the chores so she gave up. Whenever I go round the house is a complete mess, from laundry everywhere to dirty kitchen work surfaces with old food spills and clutter everywhere around the house. Everything maintained to a poor standard. I dont think he even notices.

I disagree with some of the comments that it will all be fine when they move out and learn for themselves. You should be proactively getting them to help with the housework, it benefits you now and them in the longterm.

theoretica

indiepanda wrote: »

Perhaps I find it hard to judge from the perspective of someone different to me. I think I was prone to being excessively responsible as a child.... I even went to university and spent the first term cleaning up after my 12 housemates. (Eventually went on strike and some of the others started pulling their weight.) Even as a thirty something I had to learn being overly responsible at work was a failing and I had to know when to escalate to someone with more power to fix the issue. Not sure why I was like that but I had a fairly strict upbringing with few indulgences so I don't think I ever was under the impression I could just do whatever I wanted in the moment.

I had some similar experiences - but interpret them differently. I wish the other housemates etc had been accustomed to doing some housework and had had some idea of all the different jobs that need doing.

enthusiasticsaver

Maybe you need to get firmer with your teenager and adult child and relax on the control freakery. Increase the board of the adult child to cover the cost of a cleaner and reduce help/favours to teenager to show what happens when you all just think of yourselves rather than helping the whole family out.

goodwithsaving

I have to admit I had everything done for me - except tidying my room which I re-organised every week anyway. I'd help cook but didn't actually do the cooking. I survived uni perfectly well. I've still been able to organise renovations, haven't starved and can use my own washing machine. I'm also a lot tidier than my parents.
Their attitude was to let me be a child and enjoy myself. If I was bored of an afternoon and decided to mow the lawn or hoover then so be it, but I was never asked to.

When I go home now, I pitch in with everything. Likewise, if I'm up first then they get a tea in bed. If they're up first, I get a tea in bed (I live on my own so I love that treat once in a while!)

maman

theoretica wrote: »

I had some similar experiences - but interpret them differently. I wish the other housemates etc had been accustomed to doing some housework and had had some idea of all the different jobs that need doing.

I think many posters are assuming that the reason people who don't do housework or much housework or pay for it to be done is because they've never been trained.


It's also possible that people welcome the opportunity to just please themselves and maybe a tidy room or clean work surface or whatever doesn't figure highly in their list of priorities. If, for example, they'd spent years with a parent or a partner who was obsessively tidy they might just be enjoying the freedom.


Someone I know was really fed up with his ex who would clean obsessively (especially when her ex military father was due to visit) although the place was fine as it was. She wouldn't allow their child to play with toys or him to read newspapers or books. It was a miserable household, but it was clean.:D

Fireflyaway

So the kids do help a bit. You mention they wash and iron their clothes, that's pretty good from what I know of many teenagers! I agree with the others that a family meeting is a good idea. Maybe give your kids the choice of which jobs to do. If they pick their favourite ( least worse!) Then it won't be so arduous and they will probably do it better. Get everyone to agree and write it down and put the list in a prominent location. Also try not to stress too much. A lived in house is fine!

Mojisola

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I agree with the others that a family meeting is a good idea. Maybe give your kids the choice of which jobs to do. If they pick their favourite ( least worse!) Then it won't be so arduous and they will probably do it better.

And if you don't think it's up to your standards but everyone else in the family thinks it's fine, then back down and accept it.