Sharing household chores

enthusiasticsaver

I agree having a family meeting is a good idea. Also perhaps setting aside an hour or two over the weekend where everyone mucks in and the housework, laundry blitzed. Everyone has a job and it would be difficult for one reluctant person to be sat relaxing while the rest of the family all busy. Even young children can be given a job whether it is dusting, sorting socks or tidying. You need to start them young;)

maman

If you going back to work full time and your DH working long hours has increased the budget then I'd agree with getting a cleaner. You need to value your time and it sounds like you and DH don't have much.

If your teenagers are clearing up after themselves does that mean they're getting meals for themselves or is that just because it's the school holidays? What happens in term time?

I'd start by expecting them to be responsible for their own rooms. I don't think separate washing is very practical so I'd do their washing provided they put it in the laundry basket. You might want them to do their own ironing.

For meals, again it's more practical to cook one meal in the evening. They could take a turn. You could write a meal plan together and make sure things they can cook are on it even if its pizza? Do you have a dishwasher?

Most importantly, don't suffer in silence. Talk to the family about how you feel and don't excuse your DH. You're working long hours too!

foolofbeans

Just to clarify a few points:
Adult child is vegetarian so prepares most of their own meals. They do wash up quite a few times each week.
Both older children do their own laundry and ironing. This is not without problems though as the machine always seems to be full when I need to use it. I've decided that the new rule will be that they can use it while I'm at work and not when I'm at home. They both have plenty of time they can use it while I'm at work so this shouldn't be an issue.
When I said DH works a lot in summer I mean a LOT, like twice the hours of a full time job and every day of the week. He is out of the house from 7:30am to 9:30pm so practically he is unable to do much in the way of chores. Hours will reduce to normal hours in winter so I shall speak to him about pulling his weight then.
I think part of the problem is that I'm a bit of a control freak and I don't like the way they do jobs so I need to figure out how to get them to do a job to a good standard and be happy with that.
Thank you for the helpful advice, I think the first step will be a family get together to discuss the issue.

BrassicWoman

foolofbeans wrote: »

I think part of the problem is that I'm a bit of a control freak and I don't like the way they do jobs so I need to figure out how to get them to do a job to a good standard and be happy with that.

Lower you standards. Makes for a happier home.

indiepanda

foolofbeans wrote: »

Just to clarify a few points:
Adult child is vegetarian so prepares most of their own meals. They do wash up quite a few times each week.
Both older children do their own laundry and ironing. This is not without problems though as the machine always seems to be full when I need to use it. I've decided that the new rule will be that they can use it while I'm at work and not when I'm at home. They both have plenty of time they can use it while I'm at work so this shouldn't be an issue.
When I said DH works a lot in summer I mean a LOT, like twice the hours of a full time job and every day of the week. He is out of the house from 7:30am to 9:30pm so practically he is unable to do much in the way of chores. Hours will reduce to normal hours in winter so I shall speak to him about pulling his weight then.
I think part of the problem is that I'm a bit of a control freak and I don't like the way they do jobs so I need to figure out how to get them to do a job to a good standard and be happy with that.
Thank you for the helpful advice, I think the first step will be a family get together to discuss the issue.

I think part of the issue here is the control freakery. I think you are fighting a losing battle expecting them to do things to your standards as they simply will see it as a waste of time. In particular, if they are happy having their bedrooms dirty/messy, you should leave them to it. Personally I would use some of your extra earnings to get a cleaner - that's better than paying your children to do it to a lower standard.

As for the comments some posters have made about the children needing to learn how to clean up after themselves.... well alternatively they could learn to earn enough money to pay someone else to do it. If you strive hard to get a good career, one of the nice things about it is you can outsource some of the tasks around the home you don't enjoy doing. Most of my friends in London have cleaners, myself included. Ok, you still need to tidy up if you want to be able to find your stuff and for the cleaner to be able to their job properly, but dusting, hoovering, emptying bins, changing beds, cleaning bathroom / kitchen... I don't do that. Or ironing come to that.

Mojisola

indiepanda wrote: »

As for the comments some posters have made about the children needing to learn how to clean up after themselves.... well alternatively they could learn to earn enough money to pay someone else to do it.

It isn't an either/or thing - not many 18 year olds earn enough to pay for a cleaner (neither do younger children who should be doing their share of the household jobs).

Being able to keep your home clean and maintained is a basic life skill.

Choosing to pay someone else to do it when you do have enough income is a very reasonable use of money if that's what you want.

maman

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Lower you standards. Makes for a happier home.

Tou can't have it both ways OP. You're on a hiding to nothing if you not only want them to help but to do it to your own exacting standards too.


I'd be surprised if those advocating a cleaner can't look after themselves, they just choose to spend their money paying someone else to do chores they don't enjoy or don't have the time for because they're busy earning or enjoying some leisure time.


Your children need to learn the basics of how to do laundry, cleaning and cooking (sounds to be as if they already have to an extent) and then focus on working towards getting good jobs to give them choices in adult life. I'd add sorting out their own rooms to their current list and helping in some way with meals. Personally I wouldn't advocate getting themselves their own separate meals (I'd prefer the family ate together) but it sounds like that precedent has already been set by the vegetarian albeit only in university vacation time and dad being out all hours.

indiepanda

maman wrote: »

I'd be surprised if those advocating a cleaner can't look after themselves, they just choose to spend their money paying someone else to do chores they don't enjoy or don't have the time for because they're busy earning or enjoying some leisure time.

Well exactly. I am more than capable of vacuuming, but I rarely get the urge to do! They are called basic life skills for a reason - they are basic, i.e. not hard to learn

I think some people make the mistake of thinking some young people live like slobs because they don't know how to look after themselves, but I think the reality is most of the people who live like that do so because they don't care about their home environment as much as they do going out and having a good time.

I don't think I'd used the washing machine before I went to university, and I definitely hadn't used a tumble drier or a microwave because we didn't have them at home, but I worked out how to use them a lot quicker than I got to grips with the challenges of econometrics.

By all means encourage your children to share in jobs around the home on the grounds of fairness, but making out you are doing them a favour in teaching them life skills I think is a bogus reason.

Top_Girl

I think you need to speak to your OH first.

He shouldn't be spoken to on the same level as the children - he's an adult and their parent and should require/expect less nurturing than any offspring. Also, it'll be an easier family meeting if he's onside first.

You might like things done a certain way, but there's an awful lot people can do that's standard - laundry and ironing in loads not for individuals, mowing grass, washing up, general tidying, bin emptying, even things like vacuuming. If they're not done properly, the person supposed to be doing it is extracting the Michael and should be dealt with accordingly. Once you've got OH on the same page, draw up a rota with blank names sections and instruct the children to fill the gaps between them.

I work fewer hours than my OH and thus, I tend to do most of the housework. I was on my own with my son for a long time and am quite used to doing it. Because his company open seven days per week, to my five, he often has days off when I'm at work and will just crack on with the housework that needs doing, cook and wash up, etc. He was also on his own for a while before we moved in together.

My 12 year old needs a kick up the jacksy to do anything, but I'm pregnant and due in January, the month before he is 13, so he'll be getting one on a more regular basis then.

System

avogadro wrote: »

I'm not sure I would go down the route of paying the children to do household tasks. After all, they are not going to be paid to do their own housework when they leave home and get places of their own!

Totally agree, its their mess too. One thing i did insist on with my lot was that they did their own washing up at meal times. Ok, they never did their knives and forks but i didnt mind that. At least i only had to wash them with the pots and pans.