Sharing household chores

foolofbeans

I have a teenager and two young children, also an adult child who lives with me when not at uni.
I used to work part-time and assumed most of the responsibility for the household chores but am now working full-time and would like everybody to step up but not sure how to do it:(
How do people get their children to help out?
I give pocket money to the young children but not the older ones. The adult child pays minimal board money which barely covers the food cost. I don't want to pay for chores as I feel everybody should assist because we all live in the house.
My teenager decide they will only wash up any items they have used....and nothing else :eek:

DH does nothing around the house which annoys me but he does work long hours in summer.
Feeling very disheartened and disappointed right now so any advice gratefully received.

LannieDuck

Does DH also do nothing around the house when he's not working long hours (3/4 of the year)? If so, I suggest you start there. What may have been a reasonable division of labour when you were part-time, needs to be renegotiated now you're full-time. You and DH should be splitting the majority of the chores between you.

Does the adult child have much coursework to get done while he's home with you?

How young are the younger children?

theoretica

Whenever a group of people share tasks it seems to only reach a more or less equal distribution when everyone thinks they are going more than their fair share. Perhaps point this out? With your DH not being a chore role model you might need to include the working long hours in his contribution.

Rather than paying for tasks you can make existing pocket money and family privileges (including the low keep for the adult and anything the teen gets, such as lifts to places) depend on being a good member of the family and contributing to the work.

System

I'm not sure I would go down the route of paying the children to do household tasks. After all, they are not going to be paid to do their own housework when they leave home and get places of their own!

How about sitting down with them all and discussing who should do what?

suejb2

Start at the top of the pyramid, dad, and filter down the rest.

trailingspouse

Stop thinking of yourself as the cleaner, and start thinking of yourself as the Managing Director. You know what needs doing, and you delegate accordingly.

Have a family pow wow - sit everyone down, switch off all screens, and ensure you have their full and undivided attention. Tell them what you do - everything (I saw this done very powerfully on a TV programme by writing each task on a small box and piling them up until they get so high they fall over).

And be very clear what you expect each member of your household to do. For example - each child to tidy/clean their own room on a specific day each week (the day can be up for negotiation, but the task can't). Point out that you are now working full time - spell out how many hours that is, and what difference it will make to how much you are prepared to do in the house.

You will have to be determined and consistent - and include your husband as he is a powerful role model to your kids. If he doesn't feel that he needs to step up, you (and he) can't be surprised if the kids don't do anything either.

svain

Get a cleaner .... saves all this hassle. Life is far to short to have these type of worries

rach_k

If the teenagers have decided they'll only clean up after themselves, I'd start from there. Tell everybody they need to clean their own rooms (and can't have visitors unless they're decent) and get everybody to do their own laundry - give them each a set day when they can use the washing machine and dryer/airers. They'll soon catch on when they run out of clothes! If they won't help clean up after you've cooked, just cook for yourself - they're old enough to make their own food and wash up everything. They'll soon realise that they have less to do if you work together! You can apply the same idea to most chores - if they want to use the garden, they'll have to cut the grass. If they want a bath, they can clean it too!

meer53

svain wrote: »

Get a cleaner .... saves all this hassle. Life is far to short to have these type of worries

Sort of agree but it's not really setting a good example is it ? Kids move out and expect someone else to do all the chores ? They need to be taught that clothes/bathrooms/floors/plates etc don't magically clean themselves. Both my kids (17 and 30, 30 year old is currently between flats) know that if they want clothes to wear and things to eat their food off, they need to know how to use the washer/dishwasher and that they don't live in a hotel !

hazyjo

You've made a rod for your own back which is very hard to remove once it's in place.

It may unfortunately take a bit of a public meltdown for anyone to take you seriously.

Just stop doing things and tell them that's the case. My sister is the same, does everything for everyone them moans they don't pull their weight. Makes no sense to me.

Good luck.

trailingspouse

When my daughter was 16 we got her to fend for herself for a week - had to do all her own cooking, shopping, laundry etc etc. She learnt a lot!!

And a friend of mine got her kids to look after the entire household for a week before they went off to uni - had to make sure food was on the table, shirts ironed, clean underwear, place clean and tidy. Again - it's a steep learning curve.

We owe it to our kids (female and male) to ensure they are capable of looking after themselves before they go out into the world. It doesn't do them any favours to do everything for them.