Should I ask friend to host a Baby Shower.

POPPYOSCAR

Batman2017 wrote: »

Hi All,

My Wife is 31 weeks pregnant this Saturday. At present my mother and sisters are having a get together with my cousins to have a bit of a baby shower and afternoon tea for my wife. My Family havent invited my Wifes mum or any of her friends. Years ago when we were married there were issues between my sisters and my Wifes friends and Family.

My wife seems to be disappointed that her mum or friends are not coming. I do feel a bit uneasy that her mum hasnt been invited but I can understand why my family are trying to keep it small due to previous problems.

Do I let things just be and see who does what? afterall why havent my wifes mum or friends initiated anything so far?
Ask my Mum to invite MIL.
Speak to wifes friend and see if she will throw a baby shower?

This is the most important part of your post.

What does your wife want?

justme111

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

This is the most important part of your post.

What does your wife want?

She can have what she wants if she organises it. Expecting others to organise the event which you know they would want without certain people but want them to invite those people is not nice or reasonable. To answer your question- you keep out of it.

Batman2017

This is my first child and within my small circle of people that I know who have had baby's they have all had baby showers so I assumed this was a normal precedent. Apparently not, I don't think I did help things by referring to it as a baby shower, I will be referring to it as afternoon tea from now on. My MIL has already bought lots of gifts so i'm thinking maybe me and my wife could take her for afternoon tea somewhere and invite a few close friends and just keep quiet about the other afternoon tea.

Pollycat

Batman2017 wrote: »

This is my first child and within my small circle of people that I know who have had baby's they have all had baby showers so I assumed this was a normal precedent. Apparently not, I don't think I did help things by referring to it as a baby shower, I will be referring to it as afternoon tea from now on. My MIL has already bought lots of gifts so i'm thinking maybe me and my wife could take her for afternoon tea somewhere and invite a few close friends and just keep quiet about the other afternoon tea.

Do you think your wife could and should keep quiet about it?
Do you think it's fair that she doesn't/can't talk about it with her own Mum?

POPPYOSCAR

justme111 wrote: »

She can have what she wants if she organises it. Expecting others to organise the event which you know they would want without certain people but want them to invite those people is not nice or reasonable. To answer your question- you keep out of it.[/QUOTE


I disagree.

Who is this event supposed to be for?

You do not organise something that will make someone unhappy as just what is the point!

Pollycat

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

justme111 wrote: »

She can have what she wants if she organises it. Expecting others to organise the event which you know they would want without certain people but want them to invite those people is not nice or reasonable. To answer your question- you keep out of it.[/QUOTE


I disagree.

Who is this event supposed to be for?

You do not organise something that will make someone unhappy as just what is the point!

I think the bit in bold is key.

Trying to put myself in the OP's wife's shoes, I think if I were in the last few months of a pregnancy and my in-laws had organised something relating to the baby, I'd feel pretty awkward about being expected to keep it quiet from my Mum.

KxMx

Maybe OP you could hint to your Sister & Mum about the need to keep good relations between the families, sharing in the baby once it is here etc.

euronorris

Pollycat wrote: »

I think to not invite them is to continue and maybe further the issues that happened years ago.

^^ This.


If you're going to have a baby shower, I really do think they should be invited.


I didn't want a baby shower (for many of the reasons other posters have already provided), but if I had had one, I would have been upset if my mum, sisters and friends weren't invited. And so would they.


And no, you can't ask a friend to host it. You're putting a financial, and time consuming, responsibility on someone. That isn't fair. Whenever it is done, it should be volunteered.

TBagpuss

Batman2017 wrote: »

This is my first child and within my small circle of people that I know who have had baby's they have all had baby showers so I assumed this was a normal precedent. Apparently not, I don't think I did help things by referring to it as a baby shower, I will be referring to it as afternoon tea from now on. My MIL has already bought lots of gifts so i'm thinking maybe me and my wife could take her for afternoon tea somewhere and invite a few close friends and just keep quiet about the other afternoon tea.

Why keep quiet? It seems like that's just over complicating things.

Just invite you MIL and anyone else from your wife's side of the family and say that you're holding a pre-baby [ladies]afternoon tea and would they like to come? Ask you MIL if there are any friends or family on her side of the family she thinks your wife would like to have invited, and if there are, invite them.

If anyone asks about your family then you can simply say 'oh, we decided having everyone at once would be a bit much, so we're having more than one tea' which has the advantage of being true, and avoiding any other reasons for keeping the two sides of the family apart. (this is assuming that it is now either too late to add her family to the original group, or that you don't want to because of the bad blood between your relations)