Should I ask friend to host a Baby Shower.

Marvel1

I find it cheeky to expect one and very to even ask for one.

Pollycat

I think I've read something very similar before.
On my phone so searching isn't great but I'll look for the thread over the weekend.

On the general subject of baby showers, why are we importing such rubbish 'traditions' that coerce people who can't afford it to spend money on a pregnant woman?

warehouse

Sorry, I must have missed becoming American.

System

cjdavies wrote: »

I find it cheeky to expect one and very to even ask for one.

It is, it meant to be offered.

Red-Squirrel_2

Your wife's family and friends are probably just not people who 'do' baby showers, lots of people don't like them for a variety of reasons. You can't really ask somebody to have one for her, that would basically be asking them to spend their time and money on your family, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to do that! Most of them are probably planning to give their baby presents after the birth anyway, which is really more normal in this country.

If your wife's mum were invited to the gathering of your side of the family is there likely to be tension and/or arguments? Or will it end up causing awkwardness for your wife if some of her family and friends are invited but some aren't? It can be easier to just avoid the politics altogether rather than trying to navigate the issues!

Pollycat

Pollycat wrote: »

I think I've read something very similar before.
On my phone so searching isn't great but I'll look for the thread over the weekend.

It was this thread - the OP didn't want her partner's Mum at the baby shower.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5405588

As far as the OP's situation goes, I'd ask whose benefit and enjoyment this baby shower is supposed to be for?
The OP's Mum, her sisters and some cousins?
Or his wife?
The wife wants her friends and family to attend the baby shower.

I think to not invite them is to continue and maybe further the issues that happened years ago.

PasturesNew

There's no need for one set of family to include another set - there's nothing to stop your wife's family from holding the same event themselves, which'd be a better bet.

She'd have more enjoyment from it being "just her people" on a separate date, than to be caught in the middle of any mis-matches of people.....

Indeed, as her "loyalty" and familiarity is with "her lot" it could cause some upset with "your lot" if they felt she spent more time speaking to "her lot", or "preferred their presents to your family's presents".

Indeed, they might feel that "their event" had been hijacked.

Keep them separate. More space for everybody ... nobody's "awkward" as they'd already know each other.

Without "your lot" being present, at a 2nd event, she'd also be able to "relax and get to know your lot" at their event without feeling pressurised to include and spread her time evenly between the two sets.

KxMx

Personally I think both families should be included in such events.

Equally, there is nothing wrong with your MIL arranging a similar gathering.

Gloomendoom

I had to Google "baby shower" as it isn't a term I'm familiar with.

I like this bit from Wikipedia...

"Modern Era: The modern baby shower started after WWII during the baby boom era and evolved with the consumer ideology of 1950s and 1960s"

Jenniefour

Batman2017 wrote: »

Hi All,

My Wife is 31 weeks pregnant this Saturday. At present my mother and sisters are having a get together with my cousins to have a bit of a baby shower and afternoon tea for my wife. My Family havent invited my Wifes mum or any of her friends.

Did anyone think to discretely check this out with your wife first, before any arrangements were made? In your wife's shoes I certainly wouldn't want someone else initiating something that's being called a baby shower without checking it out first, regardless of how kind and well intentioned. However, it's done now.

Agree with Hazyjo about labelling it "baby shower" - labels like that often define/influence expectations, no wonder your wife isn't happy about it. It's not usually helpful to use such words, unless what's about to happen meets the expectations of the most important person, your wife. Pollycat is right - who is the baby shower for? Surely, it has to be your wife, so what she wants is important. I would also expect any individuals who have had issues in the past in these two families to do the right thing, and behave appropriately on the day.