Should I ask friend to host a Baby Shower.

Batman2017

Hi All,

My Wife is 31 weeks pregnant this Saturday. At present my mother and sisters are having a get together with my cousins to have a bit of a baby shower and afternoon tea for my wife. My Family havent invited my Wifes mum or any of her friends. Years ago when we were married there were issues between my sisters and my Wifes friends and Family.

My wife seems to be disappointed that her mum or friends are not coming. I do feel a bit uneasy that her mum hasnt been invited but I can understand why my family are trying to keep it small due to previous problems.

Do I let things just be and see who does what? afterall why havent my wifes mum or friends initiated anything so far?
Ask my Mum to invite MIL.
Speak to wifes friend and see if she will throw a baby shower?

cheeky-peach

The concept of a baby shower is still relatively new, similar to proms really (we're starting to get Americanised!). I've never been to one or known any of my close friends to have one so maybe her family / friends aren't necessarily aware that this would be something to organise. Would you consider organising one for her and inviting those you see fit to invite?

hazyjo

Your family should never have stuck a label on it and just said 'it would be nice to get together before the baby arrives'. Doesn't need to be called a 'baby shower' as it does become something where everyone the bride is close to should be there.


I don't blame her for wanting her friends and family there, I would too (probably way more than my OH's family).


tbh I wouldn't actually have had one in the first place. Just another thing people feel obliged to attend and give a present for. Also I've had two friends and a cousin lose babies (2 stillborn, one with Downs who didn't live for very long) so it's never something I would choose to celebrate until after they arrive (sorry not trying to worry you, just a huge reason for me not to have something like that!).


Jx

sooty&sweep

Hi
To me it sounds like your mum & female relatives wanting to spend time & have fun with your wife before the arrival of your baby.

You can't invite everyone to these things & if there is a tension between yours & her family then probably it's best they're not there. It turns it into a political nightmare! The focus should be on your wife & the impending new arrival not on past family history with people muttering in corners about what happened 5 years ago !

Does she know / get on with your female relatives ?

If she needs morale support then maybe suggest one or two close friends are invited.

Maybe also have a word with her mum or friends to see if they're planning to organise anything.

Jen

System

My daughter hosted her own. Her friends were going to do one for her but my daughter wanted to invite me and her husbands family who none of her friends knew so she decided to host it herself.

onlyroz

If you're going to do it (and it's not something that I would want for myself in a million years) then I think you really do have to invite the appropriate people from both sides of the family.

geminilady

I was not invited to my son's partners baby shower though her mum and sister inlaw was.I was quite hurt to be honest as both mums were going to be grandparents

lika_86

I think the 'shower' term is misleading, it's an opportunity for your family to get together with your wife, have afternoon tea and give her a few presents in advance of the due date.

If her friends and family want to do the same then they can.

Showers are a load of American nonsense anyway.

Art_Deco

Dont understand why anyone wants a baby shower , theres plenty of time after the birth for people to give gifts ,etc, we never even brought the pram into the house until baby was at home .

TBagpuss

Showers are American and there, it is considered impolite for them to hosted by family, they are suppsoed to be hosted by friends.

However, since you have stuck that label on it and you know your wife is disappointed that her family and friends are not invited, the obvious thing to do would be to invite them.

What were the issues with your sisters and your wife's family? I think if these were so bad that you can't trust trust them to be civil to each other, of if any of them would feel unsafe around the others, then don't invite them to this event, but suggest to your MIL that as your family came over for some pre-baby bonding, why doesn't she come, and invite some of your wife's friends and family for a similar gathering.

Don't ask your wife's friends to host a shower, that puts them in a really awkward position, particularly as showers are not really a tradition here, but if you put them on the spot it is hard for them to say no. Since the whole reason for a shower is to get gifts, it's particularly crass to put someone in a position where they feel they are being told they have to organise a party and get others to bring gifts.

If you think your wife would enjoy a baby-focused event with her friends then why on't you invite them? As long as you don't call it a shower or suggest that they bring gifts then there's no reasons for any awkwardness.

bagpussbear

I think your wife's mum and friends should be invited.

I understand it feeling a little hurtful that distant relatives such as your cousins are invited, but not your wife's own mum!