Complex family situation

Mini_Bear

I hypothetically broached the subject of calling SS with OH the other day, he was adamant his mother must be the one to do this and that our interference would be severely punished by MIL! If I was to call anonymously he said he would know it was me since I have said from the start MIL needs outside involvement and that the guys needs are too complex for anyone without disability experience to deal with.
We are due to move about 7hrs from MIL in a few months so this will put distance between us, however I do not want to take the out of sight out of mind approach with this guy.
FIL is at breaking point, husband has never seen him so depressed. FIL cannot stand up

Mini_Bear

To MIL, she is a v tough character. I am tempted to call SS, tell my husband that he will thank me one day for it and At least get the ball rolling. My initial thought with SS was that if a family member was caring for the guy and basically refused outside help they would just leave them to it. MIL would be too proud to admit she needed external help.

ampersand

op - saw your post while closing down.

The situation must become a NO GUIILT zone. You presently cannot achieve this as individuals or any family dynamic.

This is your priority:
''We have a 7 week baby and I am currently on maternity leave, and we have a spare room technically.'

Skimming all the well-meant replies here, some more perceptive. less judgmental than others,this is your next lifeline.
'We are due to move about 7hrs from MIL in a few months so this will put distance between us'

Take that literally.

It is the line of your life, not guy's, or mil's. OH should place this to the family forefront, inviting f-i-l to avail himself of your new home as respite, ditto mil eventually.

You need impartial outside negotiation, which Social Services are trained for and required to provide, even under this government. You are near London, which means their load and your waiting time may be greater, but take that step, please.

FWIW, you have a sensible overview and SS will be relieved that one core person, at least, has this.
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re: 'I will no doubt be struck off the Christmas card list.'
One Christmas card the fewer is no great loss and I'm sure you'd send one anyway:-).
I hope you'll make that initial contact as a couple.

Valli

I feel so, so sorry for you OP.

I also feel sorry for your FIL, who is being so severely impacted. I hope it doesn't reach crisis point anytime soon.

The anonymous 'what are our options in this situation' without naming names, call to SS might be a start. Then you can go back to your husband & MIl with some information which might be a start. Thanks to whoever suggested this, BTW, it wasn't my idea!

Clutterfree

I feel sorry for the young man who seems to get abandoned due to his special needs.

He didn't move to Australia until he was 19, why did none of the family try to help him before then?

ampersand

[QUOTE=Clutterfree;72994649..............
He didn't move to Australia until he was 19, why did none of the family try to help him before then? [/QUOTE]
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Please read #1, then read it again.
Your question is redundant.