Money Moral Dilemma: Should I keep forking out for my friend's hen do?

heartbreak_star

Mojisola wrote: »

But it is for the bride's benefit - if I had had a hen do I would have talked it through with the organiser and made sure that she realised that not all my friends had money to spare and to keep things reasonable.

I would too - but not everyone's that sensible *sigh*

HBS x

Bristow

Just give your 'friend' £10 as a present for her wedding and kiss her goodbye. You don't need this sort of stress.

happyinflorida

You don't say if you're finding it all too expensive and that's why you want to say no. If that's the case, then say no and explain the honest reasons.

If you're not struggling, then I think you're being a bit mean as it's only a fiver and that's not a great deal for a friend of yours.

pearl123

I even try to avoid weddings as they cost too much to attended too.

Pollycat

pearl123 wrote: »

I even try to avoid weddings as they cost too much to attended too.

I try to avoid weddings as I find them crushingly boring.

eastcott5

I would worry that I was also expected to fork out for her part of the night out in the city. How is this costed? Is it equal whatever you do? Pay the £5 and draw a VERY clear line.

Penguin8410

definitly don't feel bad about saying no.


i've had this over and over again (i've been bridesmaid a lot of times) and each hen do has been a few hundered each! one had 3 hen dos and when i said i couldn't afford to do one of them the other bridesmaid made me feel so bad about it that i ended up forking out for it. most recently a family one cost me near on £800 for the hen do and then anothe £500, possibly more for the wedding. i don't have this sort of money!


i'm planning on getting married next year and all we will be doing is a night out in town as i don't want everyone to feel how i've felt about it all the last few years.

pearl123

Somewhere along the lines businesses saw that they could make money out of stag and hen do's. Suddenly, drinks down the pub would not do!

Pollycat

Penguin8410 wrote: »

definitly don't feel bad about saying no.


i've had this over and over again (i've been bridesmaid a lot of times) and each hen do has been a few hundered each! one had 3 hen dos and when i said i couldn't afford to do one of them the other bridesmaid made me feel so bad about it that i ended up forking out for it. most recently a family one cost me near on £800 for the hen do and then anothe £500, possibly more for the wedding. i don't have this sort of money!


i'm planning on getting married next year and all we will be doing is a night out in town as i don't want everyone to feel how i've felt about it all the last few years.

Pollycat wrote: »

It's OK to say 'no' to anything that you can't or don't want to afford.

If more people did it there'd probably be less debt about.

This ^^^^ is my first reply on this thread.

£1300 on somebody else's wedding?
That you can't afford?
That's madness.

Pmarmalade

lika_86 wrote: »

I think it's difficult. Saying no to spending upwards of £150 on the whole thing is much easier than saying no to £5 for your friend (which most people could probably save by cutting back on something elsewhere). The annoying thing about hen dos is obviously you're going to have to see all these women at the wedding and to an extent maybe it's better to get on with them than not (for the sake of £5). However, in agreeing to pay I would put down a marker, say you opted out personally because it's already a lot of money for you and that you expect that there won't be any further little requests now.

I agree. Put up the £5 if you're able, but stress that you're already beyond your budget and can't spend any more and if costs continue to rise you'll reluctantly have to pull out.