Online Dating Tips

Misslayed

I met my second husband online. We were both widowed in our 50s, I was his first date, I had been having a fabulous time dating for about a year. Met and chatted with some lovely chaps, some toyboys (!), a couple of eejits. I found the most consistently successful dates came from a paid site connected to a newspaper I read. The chaps I met had similar outlooks, backgrounds etc, which was a good start. The eejits all came from the free or cheap sites, some seemed great fun online, but were incapable of communicating in real life. I met one who assumed that we were already in a relationship because we had been messaging online!
I too would definitely advise against a kiss on the lips on the first date, although having said that, there was such a strong attraction when I met my husband . . . We're celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary this week, and couldn't be happier. Yet we nearly didn't meet because he had six children (thought he was looking for a housekeeper, he wasn't ), and he lived 60 miles and a ferry crossing away.
Don't give up! Have some fun and I hope you find The One.

Pay_me

Hi, so sorry about the delay in replying....work and life has been mental last few days. Today is the first day I have been able to really read the thread.

Some great posts above, with lots to think about. I think my issues just relates to the annoyance factor of writing messages (unique based on profiles etc.) and hearing nothing back. Should destroying and time consuming.

The update is that I have recently arranged another date for this wednesday so I will keep you all updated.

Thanks

mintymoneysaver

From a female point of view. Show me that you've read my profile by mentioning something from it, be polite, not too pushy. I don't object to a kiss on the lips on the first date, I can always turn my cheek away!
And I'm a success story too. A few ' just one date and that was enough', a few 'cancelled at the last minute' ( them, not me) two ' three dates, lovely man but no spark' and then my success story. His first message was 'Hi, I've read your profile, would you like to meet for coffee?' I already had a date lined up so told him I was busy that week, but we chatted and met a few weeks later. 3 1/2 years later we're very happy! (Oh, and like the lady above, you'll know whether it's going to be a kiss or not!) ��

System

z1a wrote: »

" Online Dating Tips" - Don't. - Get out into the real world & meet real people.

I would probably never met my bf if i;d followed this advice, We met online 2 1/2 years ago and couldn't be happier

indiepanda

Pay_me wrote: »

So been on online dating for a few months now and having absolutely no luck what so ever.

Literally had about 3 messages in that time one I set a date up (the girl who turned up was not the girl in the photos) the other two matches 1 fizzled out quickly after few message the second girl scared me lol. I had to block her so she couldn't phone, text, watsapp etc.

For the last 6 weeks I have not managed to get a single girl to reply to my initial messages. I stick to the rules, i.e. personalise the messages but nothing.

So anyone have any tips? (I'm 33)

Thanks

I've done quite a bit of online dating so I can tell you what things make it more likely a guy will get a message, a date or a second date. Obviously I've not seen your profile so don't know if you have committed any of these "crimes" so apologies if any of this is a bit close to the mark!

Photos
Make sure you have decent, recent not fuzzy pictures of you, lay off the filters. Your main profile photo should be one where you are not wearing sun glasses and no hat, and keep your top on! Make sure you are smiling in the photo - the majority of men seem to post photos that make them look like a serial killer they are so grim looking.

If it's a selfie, make sure it is not in a mirror, or one where you look like you've contorted yourself into an awkward position to take it. I have a selfie for my main profile photo, but it's been road tested as a Facebook profile photo first, getting plenty of likes, my Dad even thought it was a professional photo.

If you can add photos of yourself doing something you enjoy that's indicative of how you spend your time then do that - I have a photo of me from a hiking trip - as am hoping to meet someone that shares that interest. Anyone who just wants a glamorous city girl to trip from wine bar to fancy restaurant won't be for me. But remember a photo of you in ski gear hidden behind goggles and helmet doesn't tell someone what you look like, so don't make it your main photo.

Profile

Do not do any of the following:-
- !!!!! about what you don't want in a partner, makes you sound bitter and makes me less likely to respond even if I am not remotely like what you are objecting too.
- Say "if you want to know about me, just ask" - nope, I can't bothered wasting my time on someone who can't be bothered to think about their profile.
- Make it excessively long - I am a fast reader but even I get bored reading some guys waffling on for ages.
- Have too many long lists. I use OKCupid and in the section where people say what they like in the way of books, films, music etc, some people just have massive lists - I just talk about genres and one or two favourite examples and keep it shorter.
- Say "I hate writing about myself".... yes, no one really enjoys it, just get on with it.
- Mention sex - yes, we know it's an important part of a relationship but talking about it makes you sound like a sleaze.

Do
- Talk about how you enjoy spending your time and make it specific not generic - yes, everyone enjoys the odd quiet evening at home snuggled on the sofa sharing a bottle of wine and watching a movie with their loved one. If you are sporty, arty, musical etc, talk about it - what makes you unique.
- Sound a bit passionate about your life. If you sound like you are bored and waiting for me to fill your life you are in for a disappointment. I am looking for someone who will make my life a bit richer and I am always looking for evidence we enjoy some of the same things so could do them together.
- Check your spelling - I read somewhere the more mistakes a man makes on his profile the less replies he gets and I know it's true for me. (And yes, I know that is really unfair on dyslexics - although I am meeting one for coffee next week and I wouldn't have guessed it from his profile)

Messages
- You say you are personalising which is a good start - guess it depends in what way. I don't honestly like it when a guy comments on how pretty / gorgeous / sexy etc I look in a particular picture and it's not an easy reply to write - what do you say apart from thanks? So then the guy has to have another opener to follow with.
- The most likely opener to get me chatting is to ask me a question like where's my favourite place to hike, my favourite gallery etc. Basically picking up on an interest on my profile. Better still if it's a mutual interest so you can reply with your favourite and get a conversation going.
- Don't start by talking about work. I am never going to go to work with a date, I prefer to chat about life outside of the office. What I choose to do when I am not being paid for it says more about me than what I do for cash!

Ongoing messaging

- Don't message back and forth too much before suggesting a date. If you haven't suggested it within a month I will lose interest, a week is fine.
- I would suggest not asking for a date within first day of talking unless it's been one of those evenings where you chatted loads and it was obvious there was a connection. I ended up in a two year relationship with a guy I suggested meeting up with as a parting shot when I was off to bed after trading dozens of messages. We met two evenings after I first spoke to him. (We aren't together now, but are still friends.) Oh, and just to prove there are no hard and fast rules, his profile pictures were lousy, but he did have a decent written profile and the questions we'd both answered on OKC showed we were quite a close match (I ignore people who are a low match).

First date
- Keep it simple - a drink. If you hit it off you can always carry on drinking or head off for dinner, but booking dinner in advance is too pressured and presumptuous.
- Don't stress too much about finding the "perfect" venue. Ok, if I ended up in a really ugly estate pub with the football on or an overcrowded too noisy pub where I couldn't hear my date unless we got too close for comfort that might put me off. However, whether I meet someone again is not that influenced by venue. The 2 year relationship guy we went for a walk along Southbank and then just looked for a quietish pub where we could get a seat. Others have made more effort to impress me, but without the spark it doesn't matter.
- Do not ask for a second date while on the first. I can be perfectly friendly to someone but that doesn't mean I fancy them. I don't want to have to put them off face to face or agree to another date to avoid being mean!
- Do not try to kiss them - the cheek is fine (both cheeks if you're in London) but not lips.
- If you enjoy it, message them afterwards to say you enjoyed meeting them and you'd love to do it again. Don't leave it too long to do that. They will almost certainly have other dates lined up and if you play it too cool you might lose out.

Good luck with your date, hope some of the above is helpful.

justme111

Pay_me wrote: »

Hi, so sorry about the delay in replying....work and life has been mental last few days. Today is the first day I have been able to really read the thread.

Some great posts above, with lots to think about. I think my issues just relates to the annoyance factor of writing messages (unique based on profiles etc.) and hearing nothing back. Should destroying and time consuming.

The update is that I have recently arranged another date for this wednesday so I will keep you all updated.

Thanks

Change your perception of the fact they are not replying. You would not expect to find The one from a few messages you sent . Women do selection a bit different to men ; they do it earlier in a process. So those women did not think you were for them or they are not interested in meeting anybody. If you do not like something about you then change it if you can. Show your profile to some women friends , they would be able to advise if you are selling yourself short with your photos/description. Otherwise just keep doing what you are doing.