KonMari 2017 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

catshark88

I'm basically done, MK wise, just trying to keep on top of new stuff as it floats through (mainly outgrown kids clothes).

I am completely stuck on 2 items though. I have 2 pieces of furniture that belonged to my Grandmother. They are thin veneer, over a hardboard type thing (money was short). Both are very worn. One was badly damaged by a b*st*rd burglar after she died. Neither spark joy, indeed they spark sadness as they remind you of the worn outness of one and the burglary of the other.

I have other items from my Grandmother, even another piece of furniture in good nick, which makes me smile. My Mother is happy for me to let them go. But for some reason I'm finding it so hard to. I don't want them, I just feel guilty getting rid (they are in no state to give away, it would be a Viking funeral in my garden).

I know getting shot of them in no way reflects on my love for my Grandmother, but something is stopping me. I don't know what and I don't know how to get past it and give my husband the go ahead to deal with them. Help!!

daisy_1571

catshark88 wrote: »

I'm basically done, MK wise, just trying to keep on top of new stuff as it floats through (mainly outgrown kids clothes).

I am completely stuck on 2 items though. I have 2 pieces of furniture that belonged to my Grandmother. They are thin veneer, over a hardboard type thing (money was short). Both are very worn. One was badly damaged by a b*st*rd burglar after she died. Neither spark joy, indeed they spark sadness as they remind you of the worn outness of one and the burglary of the other.

I have other items from my Grandmother, even another piece of furniture in good nick, which makes me smile. My Mother is happy for me to let them go. But for some reason I'm finding it so hard to. I don't want them, I just feel guilty getting rid (they are in no state to give away, it would be a Viking funeral in my garden).

I know getting shot of them in no way reflects on my love for my Grandmother, but something is stopping me. I don't know what and I don't know how to get past it and give my husband the go ahead to deal with them. Help!!

Perhaps even these negative emotions are a strong link to your grandmother. I assume they are empty of things but if not I reckon you should empty them then literally drape yourself across them giving them a hug, thank them individually for being affordable useful pieces of furniture, used over a long time and giving the family much joy. Maybe do the damaged one first and thank it for being there when your grandmother had gone and thankfully never had the distress of seeing her furniture damaged in this way ?

Perhaps something like that will help you with the final let go ?

Hugs daisy xx

silvasava

Catshark - I wonder given the state of them now if your Grandmother still had them would she have replaced them? Everything has a finite lifespan and they have come to the end of theirs - have your viking funeral and thank them for their past usefulness and toast to your Gran for her gift.

PollyWollyDoodle

I've got a little mass-produced Edwardian desk that was left to me by my granny, it's not veneer but it had been damaged in a fire, had woodworm at one point and was pretty ropey. I filled the holes and painted it a nice pale duck-egg blue (to my sister's horror - 'it's antique') and it's now my work desk. Before MK this would have been unthinkable as I believed I needed a filing cabinet and a full-on desk, but now it works perfectly for stationery and a few current projects and can be closed up when the 'office' needs to be a spare bedroom. Although irritatingly Edwardian designers didn't think about the size of a laptop, and I can't quite fit that inside!

From the sound of it, your furniture is not salvageable. Trouble is - unless your ancestors were well-off - a lot of furniture that's handed down was factory-made or utility, and doesn't wear that well. Think of it this way - would you want your grandchildren to be keeping Ikea furniture in sixty years' time because it belonged to you?

I agree with the above, say thank you - take a photo if you need to - and then give it a jolly good send-off. You could even write down why you have liked it/things about your grandma/thanks for what it's given you and your family, and put that in the drawers before you light the bonfire!

[Deleted User]

KM and psychology are so interwoven. Catshark, will it help to say that I had a similar dilema last week, something that my (deceased) husband had made. Should I keep it as a dust gatherer, because he crafted it from wood? I kissed it goodbye and it went. I didn`t dither because dithering would have stopped me. I have some lovely smaller things that he made, things that make my heart sing. Your furniture is acting like lead around your neck, release it and feel light. I felt light afterwards. Energies need to keep moving or we get stagnant and weighted down

catshark88

daisy_1571 wrote: »

Perhaps even these negative emotions are a strong link to your grandmother. I assume they are empty of things but if not I reckon you should empty them then literally drape yourself across them giving them a hug, thank them individually for being affordable useful pieces of furniture, used over a long time and giving the family much joy. Maybe do the damaged one first and thank it for being there when your grandmother had gone and thankfully never had the distress of seeing her furniture damaged in this way ?

Perhaps something like that will help you with the final let go ?

Hugs daisy xx

Thank you SO much Daisy, that is such a beautiful way of thinking. Bless you.

Karmacat

Catshark, some good ideas here already. My two pennorth is that, since you know you've got feelings you can't identify about the furniture, write about it somewhere private - a draft email you never send, a word document that stays on your computer, a paper exercise book that you put back on the shelf, whatever. Just keep writing about that furniture, and you may find out what's going on for you.

But what Daisy's suggested might well resonate more for you!

daisy_1571

I love what everyone has come up with here, it's such a simple idea to ask if she was still here would she still have it or would it be out the door? Also about whether we would be the least bit worried about somebody disposing of something of ours or if we would be more upset by the thought that bit of stuff was causing them even a moments pain. Let in the lightness and I agree jotting things down privately can help release feelings.

Well done guys, great to hear the points of view

Daisy xx

short_bird

The "Life Changing Manga..." appears to work on teenagers :eek:

A comic strip version, who'd a thunk it!

https://offspring.lifehacker.com/the-manga-version-of-the-life-changing-magic-of-cleanin-1818513618

catshark88

I don't remember ever seeing any item at my Grandmother's house that was broken beyond repair or worn out. Well used, mended, cheap when they had little money or better quality as they got a bit richer yes, but nothing actually worn out. She wouldn't have stood for it...

I have my answer lovely people and I thank you all. I shall write about it, thank it and definitely hug it and possibly shed another tear. Then when (if!) it stops raining, I'll let my lovely but rather bemused husband do his thing.

My house is quite linear and this has been the literal and emotional plug stopping the completion of my km process. I can almost hear the water bubbling once the blockage has gone.