KonMari 2017 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

minnie2

The hubby is a distaster.i really dont know what to do with him.if i manage to get him to do something he doesnt do it well or right and makes more work for me.he is adamant that hes not doing everything so poorly so i dont ask him.i have no idea how someone can be so rubbish.he has two jobs vacuuming as i physically cant and washing up again because i physically cant and he does a very poor job of both.the crockery becomes even dirtier and i can not tell difference when he vacuums theres still loads of bit he blames it on the hoover so i then go round and sweep up.i have asked hubby to clean the dog bed that was in the bath several times but he hadnt.the bathroom is full of his dirty clothes dumped on the floor from all his baths.

His washing skills are equally as bad to the point now that i have said he does not touch mine or the kids washing and he has to do his own from now on.he shrinks everything puts the tumble dry on for like 4 hours and only washes on a quick wash anyway.he is bad!!! I have to rewash everything and he wastes so much electricity and nothing is ever clean.he is also now not allowed to touch the tumble dry function either.he never looks at where the point is on the dial so does the wash opposite.yesterday i heard the washing machine and looked i said have you put a wash on he said yes...i said well the washing powder and fabric conditioner are still sitting on the side in their tubs!!! We put our into the drum in the lids.At the old house i started putting post it on everything usually saying do not touch!!! May have to start this again.

The boys accident in the car was entirely my fault! He has been dry since 18months including overnight.hes now 3 and half.hes a fab boy.

littlegreenparrot

:hello: Just popping in for a few things

A few days ago there was talk of procrastination and I wanted to share this

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator

a funny TED talk that certainly rings true for me. If you havn't come across TED before it is full of fascinating short talks on a huge variety of topics, well worth a play.

Minnie - Please take a breath, I feel for you. You cannot and should not be expected to do everything.
Can you pick a couple of things that bother you the most and just do those? Others can complain/pick up the slack as they wish. Clothes on the floor can just stay there. If *someone* finds they have no clean work clothes its their own look out.

I have a different approach and follow the philosophy more than the method. I'm more mindful of what comes in, and making sure things go out promptly. Gradually, the pile decreases.

If funds allow a cleaner once a week to vacuum/clean the bathroom would be a sound investment in your mental health if nothing else.

silvasava

Cough still with me - I spent the night on the settee again as I couldn't stop coughing, but its perfectly comfortable and warm. Managed to do a bit of kondoing today. Waiting for the hospice people to turn up and collect the table and chairs - they did say between 1 & 5pm. I took down a pair of voile type curtains in the dining room. They're very pretty and look as if they've been hand painted with lillies (they're not!) so I've folded them ready to go in the CS bag.
DH & I got out in the garden as it was so sunny - tidied up a bit in the greenhouse and put my Kumquat in for the winter. DH brought my Christmas Cactus baskets in for the winter - I hang them in my utility room and they always put on a lovely show. We also re-arranged some shrubs - 2 Box bushes are going on freecycle and being replaced with a couple of small conifers that were in the window boxes. Quite a lot of weeding done and some pruning so the garden bin is now full and ready for collection tomorrow. Only trouble is I've now seen what else needs to be done in the garden!!

carrielovesfanta

Hi Minnie,

Your hubby sounds a lot like my ex. He claimed that he couldn't do dishes to "my standard" and was stunned at my reply that "devoid of food residue" was not a standard. He could leave stinking washing up for days, he wore visibly dirty clothes, never threw away rubbish and just ignored all household chores.

Eventually, the only thing I could do was to designate the spare room as "his space" and anything (including rubbish and dirty clothes) that he left somewhere inappropriate were gathered up and dumped in there, and I shut the door on it. He complained that some of his things got squashed and damaged, and I just replied that if he wasn't going to take care of them, then I didn't see why I should either.

I do not recommend this as a way of living. There is a reason that he is my ex.

From his point of view, he had a kind but quite overbearing mother. Saturday was family chores day in their house and she was quite militant with them. He decided that when he move out he did not expect to do chores any more.

The crux of it was that he didn't expect me to do chores for him either. He would have been happy to live in filth. I couldn't live with that, but I also couldn't live with doing everything.

I'll be honest, it sounds like it's time for a heart-to-heart with your hubby. If he honestly doesn't care how he lives, the only persuasion that you will have is that he hopefully cares about you and your feelings.

If he really has no appetite to do these things, or do them in a way that you can live with, then sadly I think that there is very little you can do to change him. I have seen this with my parents and it doesn't improve with age.

On a final note - I find that my hubby responds well to very specific instructions. To him, there's a big difference between "hoover the living room" (for him this means swoosh the vacuum around the main bits) and "please hoover the living room thoroughly, moving the chairs and getting right into the corners". It sounds silly I know, but he seems ok with this!

I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time and I hope that things improve.

VJsmum

When my OH leaves stuff lying round i put it in his side of the bed, at the foot, so he doesn't notice it until he gets into bed..

(I do not recommend this for actual, messy, rubbish - but i put things like shirt packaging for example... )

minnie2

I wrote a reply and somehow it disappeared the page fail.i will have an stern talked once ive managed to kondo everywhere.i do have talks and its fine for a few days and he makes the effort then it just goes back to how it was. He is at home mondays with the kids and when i get home the place is trashed and all the food shopping has been eaten.he says he pays with the children all day.which is a luxury i would love to have but i am always cleaning!! & his idea of playing is loafing around watching daytime tv!!

Hopefully with less stuff will come less mess!!

Wednesday2000

It's strange as I'm sure being ill with flu has given me more time to think about the unnecessary stuff that is still in my home! I feel very clear-headed at the moment.:A

I decluttered some digital clutter today. I deleted some movies and TV shows from my laptop that I will never watch and deleted quite a few bookmarks too.

The bag of clothes and bedding for the recycling is going off tomorrow.:)

minnie2

Vjsmum prob is he does dump stuff there himself then he will just dump it on the floor his side of the bed and thatll be where it stays untill it rots from the damp

MMF007

This may be a radical suggestion Minnie, but can you get him to watch Marie on youTube?? The magic of tidying....
Trouble is, if he is really prepared to live with his mess until you are prepared to try and keep on top of it, he'll let you work yourself into the ground. Can you go on like this? Leaving him notes about not touching things is playing into his hands, isn't it!? I can hear the plaintive voice now, saying, 'oh but I would have done that but you told me not to' ...
Hmm, I couldn't put up with it, but I would want to know how come he thinks he is 'happy' putting so much stress on you.

Sorry Minnie, you sure have a lot to contend with.

silvasava

Woop Woop! Dining room table & 6 chairs gone to the hospice shop - I now have an almost totally bare room to play with Its only taken me from last March to get rid of it all but its GONE!!