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The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

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  • pollyanna_26
    pollyanna_26 Posts: 4,839 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 14 July 2022 at 6:28AM
    Lovely to hear from you nan, I've been wodering if you're both ok.Has your dad always been awkward or is it recent thing?
    Since dropping youngest at her boyfriends knowing she wouldn't cope without seeing him or the cats. Neither us imagined Omicron was waiting in the wings so she is still under Doctors orders.
    I see her but space it out as all three of us have escaped the virus so far so not dropping our guard yet.
    This is the first time I've lived alone in my life and I've found it very strange. There were four children of two generations , their friends and mine so lots of chatter and laughing.
    The house is weirdly quiet and sometimes I feel like Shirley Valentine talking to the walls.
    Do you think your dad may feel the same. I know you invite him to yours or visit him but if his life has changed from the norm perhaps that's making him grumpy.
    I'll catch up tomorrow but forgot something earlierI meant to mention.
    Some may be aware allready but tonight is Supermoon night. The Buck Moon. Supposed to rise in SW England 21.47  tonight so no idea how far it will eventually reach.
    I was born under the sign of the Moon and find moons very comforting shining on through all the generations through good times and bad.
    Feeling cooler now downstairs upstairs still too hot all the bedrooms have dormer windows with flat roofs that hold the heat.
    Just waiting until it goes properly dark then will see if there is any sign of a big moon yet.
    Just watching the news re Rail Strikes. our son firstborn followed in his dads footsteps to become a Train Driver the only thing he'd wanted since he was a toddler.
    He's a member of Aslef the drivers union as his dad was; They've balloted the drivers now. Husband and son  never went on strike but neither would cross an official picket line. Son is a Senior Mainline Driver and Young driver Instuctor with well over 30 years service so he's probably not feeling too good about the situation.
    Still no sign of a big moon. I've bee trying to work out where in the sky it may appear but no idea. Started
    yawning a couple of hours ago so after sleepless nights this may be the night I go to bed and go out like a light.
    Just watching the newspaper headlines on tomorrows papers. Then I'll head upstairs look through all the windows and if there isn't a big moon I'll go to bed.
    pollyx
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.

    There but for fortune go you and I.
  • nannywindow
    nannywindow Posts: 3,669 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic
    edited 14 July 2022 at 6:45PM
    Polly my Dad blows hot and cold. He is always the cheeky chappie to everyone bar his family when he can be quite vicious and hurtful, but he seems even worse now Mum has gone, I think she kept him in check. He has either alienated all of the friends that he has left or outlived them and now he just has one who he doesn't treat very kindly. Poor chap who has the start of dementia, rings him everyday and so doesn't fully realise that Dad is having a go at him, at least I don't think he realises, either that or he's very thick skinned. 
    I have spent most of the day in the garden, mowing the lawns, well what's left as they are turning more brown than green now. I have also been putting some weed suppressant down at the front, only the gravel to do now but I already have it saved in a large bag as I rescued it before the new drive went in. So it's ready when I am, should save a few pennies and I'm happy reusing/recycling it too. DH tried to help but he's having problems with his back so he went into supervisor mode 🙄 Honestly I could have done it quicker my own way 😉 but it's the thought that counts I suppose. I'll not swap him just yet, may sell him though if someone offers the right price 🤣
    Burtha have a lovely happy day tomorrow.
    Grandmanerd we have lots of records too, singles and LP's, as my late DB-in-law ran a disco for many years but DH won't part with any of them and now they fill a single wardrobe from top to bottom, mind you we have both added to the collection from our younger days too. 
    Take care all
    nan
    Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, but this time more intelligently
  • pollyanna_26
    pollyanna_26 Posts: 4,839 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    I do indertand your thinking on the records but as DS3 manages to earn a living designing very good online games which sell well why not use his tech skills to research the records and value for resale. He could print the info for you and you would then only need to check the  results.
    I often think you are too willing to do things for him and beloved at the expense of your wellbeing.
    The landlord doesn't sound good so you're right to swerve that.
    However the fact remains that soon DS3 and Beloved will be moving on. They'll be in the real world facing real life with no one to sort their mess or run around after them  as mum you would be better passing on life skills to prepare them for real life than them facing a massive change when they move.
    A better use of your time than being frustrated and exhausted and should reassure you when they move out that rather than doing you've got them to do instead.
    You're allowing them to live in the home you own. I know they both have difficulties but the times you've mentioned sleeping in the day and being up during the night seems an odd way to live.
    I do recall your son is often online sometimes to USA selling or  is designing his games but how will they function when there isn't anyone to do the stuff they don't
    There comes a time you have to declare yourself retired and apart from online or phone advice let them learn to cope in their way.
    I'm not being critical. I just think you need to step away from First Responder to others problems. My youngest had to learn to deal with things herself over the years. Some things she needed my  prescence in hospitals etc but I never had to clean up after her had a room full of food deliveries , cans etc or a sofa I sometimes couldn't sit on.
    I always wondered how she would cope but since I dropped her at BFs and the cats she has learned to still anxiety over the virus but she found the BUPA dentist herself and went there and back on her own.
    Done bloods and other tests at the hub saw Superdoc face to face on her own. Told him about the intensive private treatment being halted midway.
    We'd disscussed the fact a few years earlier that all the strong meds were damaging her teeth our very good dentist had retired and it was impossible to get on an NHS list. He listened but said sadly medical ethics prevented him from recommending a dentist.
    When she saw him face to face a week or so ago among all the other things meds wise things that were no longer properly controlled etc then told him if her anxiety over being partway through brutal treatment removing a couple of teeth and two weeks later the roots of those which would be a long process before the implants happened.
    He has written now to the Local Dental trust because she is ECV. Didn't get the virus as we were being super careful but may end up with a very difficult to fight infection.
    I did all I could iver the years to make her able to cope sometimes took a long time and the lovely young couseller she engaged with.
    We aren't going to live forever so we need to prepare those like your son and beloved for life in the real world.
    Sounds as though my second husband and your husband were a coiple of lifes charmers.
    When the letters came pouring in from the pension service his different work and union pensions, sipps, savings accounts etc. I was unaware he had died.
    Big effort convincing them I wanted nothing. Nothing but pain and worry was what he brought us so I said if it could go to charity in his name if possible and suggested Womens Aid who helped us uner the radar and others having a tough time.
    The fact he never paid towards any bills , food , his two childrens clothes etc was a worry as I struggled to pay all the bills out of my pay. Not a bad teachers salary for those time but I was the one who'd taken on the mortgage before he came on the scene and all of us who bought these new builds had been mis sold endowment mortgages by the ever so helpul sales manager based down the road.
    All as we later discovered pointed to particular building society and found ourselves paying endowment payments with the monthly mortgage  payments. Salesman took himself off when challenged the icing on the cake was when I made the final 25year mortgage payment I like those who didn't sell and move elsewhere had to fork out an final settlement on the endowment to release the deeds.
    That's when I knew the ex wouldn't be able to challenge my will if the time came as he had no financial tie to this address over the years he was here but did have a hefty police record.
    Is it hot over your way MN? It's been oddly tropical over here on the coast did manage to grab some sleep in the early hours of the morning woke about seven and it felt cold upstairs which is weird.
    Started to heat up again but doesn't seem so bad now.
    Hope your PIP gets sorted soon. I've had to trawls through paperwork and diaries . No response at all to youngests assessment form sent back quite a while ago. Something was niggling at me so I went back through the paperwork and noted her last awaard the next assessment was deferred to 2022 due to the virus situation. The diary for then confirmed that. Some more research and that date has been moved further on agian.
    She;s been panicking but I told  her if your money doesn't appear in the bank let me know and I'll phone them as your appointee as I did when the ESA SG payment didn't get paid.
    From what I've been told all the extra staff to handle the backload are actually improving the tech system. Hopefully that robotic voice will go .My  bank is now using a similar system for phone banking and I've come to the conclusion the staff are all robots!
    pollyx


    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.

    There but for fortune go you and I.
  • grandmanerd
    grandmanerd Posts: 1,274 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Second Anniversary Photogenic Name Dropper
    It has been very hot here polly. The master of ceremonies for the fan parties kept telling everyone that the weather is always like this here - hope we don't get lots of disappointed tourists in the next couple of years. Next one is tomorrow, I hadn't got it noted because I got my dates from the list of when the library is closed (for crafts and football card swapping sessions) and they hadn't put tomorrow's down because they are shut on Sunday anyway. 

    I've been to see the baby and she's lovely. DS2 was letting me choose today or tomorrow but I was worried about him being able to get in and out of town tomorrow, especially after he'd dropped me back at home - had visions of him sitting at the traffic lights as thousands of fans marched to the stadium following a big orange bus accompanied by a couple of brass bands (to keep them all in time). DS2 and his Beloved were discussing strategy for this week's heatwave peak, they've definitely got first time parent jitters, very sweet. Baby is good nearly all the time but hates nappy changes.

    I've had a lazy day because after washing my hair, scrubbing my nails 3 times to get any soil residue out etc, i didn't want to do anything that might get me dirty again - not sure I had another set of clean and presentable clothes (as opposed to 'put on's). 
  • pollyanna_26
    pollyanna_26 Posts: 4,839 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
     So glad you got to visit your little Grandaughter MN. Looks like you chose the right day to do the journey not as hot here then but hotter the next day.
    The master of ceramonies giving the visting fans the impression the Manchester weather was always hot and sunny made me laugh.if I was Paul Heaton I'd have wandered in grabbed the mike and belted out the "Manchester" song.
    There may be some very disappointed visitors next simmer.
    Looks as though it may be hotter near you over the next few days. It was another cool night last night here  I'd remade the bed with the coolest of that carefully kept over the years made in Lancashire cotton bedding it's amazing how it's lasted decades. I'd folded the duvet at the end of the bed but as the night got cooler had to throw it back on the bed and put my warm pyjamas on.
    Woke  up at 6 and shortly afterwards was watering plants and flowers in the back garden . Rather than use the hose which wastes a fair amount of water I;d filled every watering can people used to buy me lovely metal watering cans as gifts so qiute a collection. Lined them up by the outdoor tap to fill then soaked all the fruit veg and flowers.
    Picked some litte french beans, spring onions tomatoes and other veg and herbs planning to cook for the freezer today. The discovery apples look ready too , lots of blackberries.
    Garage freezer is years old but huge and will hold the cold for at least 3 days if there's a powercut. The one I owned in the 70s had nowhere to live when I moved here as like the present one was a very big chest freezer I left that for the family that moved in to our former home home and had a half and half fridge freezer umtil the garage was built in 2001. It's saved me a fortune over the years by cooking in bulk and freezing.
    I've followed the advice given by the BBC NW weather forecaters and opened all the windows let the air in- Hayfever wont like
    that!  Then closed the curtains. TBH it wasn't hot indoors, sun is out now Met office are saying  28 degrees today here BBC NW
    27. BBC have been taking the forecasts from Squires Gate in Blackpool which often aren't what we have here. Thankfully they've just switched back to our local RAF airbase  which are pretty accurate.
    Give yourself a day of taking it easy MN and .all the Fencers if you can,  Here we're forecast heavy rain and thunder on the 4th day which should clear the air and really water the plants.
    Burtha was wise choosing Friday for her wedding day I hope she and the family had the best day ever.
    Nan step away from the gravel if you have any plans in the next few days of laying it yourself in hot weather. Repeat after me " We are no longer Spring Chickens"
    Take care all I'll probably be back later. Laptop doesn't like hot but hopefully it isn't going to be bad here. There was a gentle sea breeze when I was in the garden . No doubt the beaches will be packed over the next few days but the sea breezes are why they come.
    pollyx

    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.

    There but for fortune go you and I.
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