Son to visit other parent advice pls

kelpie35

Has your son told his mum that he will only be able to visit if she can help with transport expenses.

That, to me, would show him how willing she is to have a relationship with him.

He is a 15 year old lad and I would think he is wise enough to make important decisions.

It is not his fault that your relationship broke down with his mum so you either have to be the bigger person and support your son.

Does your son know the address that he is going to?

I am sure your son will have a mobile phone so he will be able to contact you 24/7 so that should give you peace of mind.

Mojisola

If you can arrange a meet-up for him with his mother in some way now it would probably be best.

If he can see for himself whether she's really got any interest in him while you have a say in how his life is run, that will help him.

If you fight his request (providing that social workers pass it), he may just wait until he's 16 and head off without asking you.

mutley74

Mojisola wrote: »

Get back to Children's Services and ask for their advice on the new request for a stay with her.

The previous BF problem would worry me - and the fact that his mother wouldn't let him use his phone.

I already have spoken to them, and they made it clear as he is under 18 I am fully responsible for his care as main carer. Therefore, need to know details of where he will be staying, and have the right to refuse if she does not cooperate.

Oakdene

I think the best thing would be for you, the mum & your son to meet at a mutually convienent location for a couple of hours & you go off & do your own thing whilst they maybe have lunch.

mutley74

Mojisola wrote: »

If you can arrange a meet-up for him with his mother in some way now it would probably be best.

If he can see for himself whether she's really got any interest in him while you have a say in how his life is run, that will help him.

If you fight his request (providing that social workers pass it), he may just wait until he's 16 and head off without asking you.

on my solicitors advice, she can see him in the local area, but he cannot visit her residence.
She did see him by this arrangement in December for 1 day. She never replied to my solicitor nor taken any professional advice herself to come to any agreement on contact back at her house.


Children services tell me I am fully responsible until 18 years age (not 16).

Mojisola

mutley74 wrote: »

I already have spoken to them, and they made it clear as he is under 18 I am fully responsible for his care as main carer. Therefore, need to know details of where he will be staying, and have the right to refuse if she does not cooperate.

And does your son know this so that he can see that your insistence on an address isn't you being awkward but coming from the social workers.

mutley74

Mojisola wrote: »

And does your son know this so that he can see that your insistence on an address isn't you being awkward but coming from the social workers.

he did before, we discussed it last week, will talk it through to him again.

pinkshoes

Could you in invite his mum to come and visit, pay for the train fare, then pay for a hotel over night?

I know this would involve you coughing up money, but it would remove the stress of having your son stay at an unknown address where he might not be happy, which would be worth it.

That way they get to see each other, she doesn't need to pay anything, you avoid the stress, and your son doesn't have to be uncomfortable either.

Mojisola

It's a horrible situation.

On the basis of what happened before, all my instincts would be to keep him away from her but, if he needs/wants to see her again, it will happen at some point. Better to do it under your supervision and protection than on his own.

I would try to work out something where she has to make an effort to see him such as traveling half-way. If she can't be bothered to do that, it will say a lot to her son.

If she does, the meeting will take place on neutral ground and your son can judge whether he wants to visit her, her BF and her family at home or whether he'd like to keep the contact to her alone.

scd3scd4

I would want an address unless there is a real tangible reason why she can not give it. Only you know the answer to that.


Why she or others think you have to pay for he's travel. I have no idea. Would I still pay for my boys sake...yes. But be careful your tolerance now............may encourage her to dictate more in the future.


She has already proved to be dishonest and you need not do all the bending!


Explain to your boy you are happy for him to go..........but things are not all on her terms unfortunately. She has been the absent parent not you.