Separation Telling the children Yes / no

jayII

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

Woah for a second there I thought I'd stumbled into mumsnet not MSE. So many bitter responses. Times have changed. People don't stay in unhappy marriages anymore for the sake of the kids. It doesn't do them any favours. Being around unhappy parents is not a nice experience

Not sure if OP has responsed or not, I must have missed it in a sea of man haters but be honest with your boy. He'll work it out for himself anyway so better you're upfront about it than hear of from his upset mum. Things can so easily be said in the heat of the moment whilst she's still coming to terms with it

Lol, I'm not sure who you think are man haters, but I'd have responded the same if it was a woman posting the original post.

Leaving a spouse (who is reluctant to separate) with two very young children and moving 10 minutes away, then popping in to see the children when you feel like it is bad enough, but add reluctance to share the burden of explaining why daddy/mummy isn't there like they used to be, is selfish behaviour. The parent who has been left with the children will already be hurting enough without the added burden of having to lie to potentially very confused children.

I also read it that people (including me) only mentioned the ages of the children because it indicates a fairly short marriage and it's a shame to 'give up' so quickly. Children being involved doesn't mean they should 'stay together forever' but children are a good reason to try very hard to make things work.

FYI, the OP said he is now considering telling his children the truth.

Robisere

TBagpuss (#27) has the best advice here, completely agree with it.

Many years ago I was in a similar situation , OP. But our break up was acrimonious and I still can recall with shame the tears of my 5 and 7 year olds as I walked down the path. I did not have the chance to tell my kids, it was forced upon me. I learned much later that they have no contact with mum and have thrown all my own efforts of contact back at me. If you want to keep the trust of your children, tell them calmly together and say something like 'mum and dad are still friends and will still be mum & dad, just not living together. But I will always be here for you both and you can see me and talk to me whenever you want.'

Eventually I met someone else, with children about the same age as my first family. They have become a wonderful, unexpected ds and dd. However, both also became divorced single parents. DD's son is 24 and has not seen dad for many years. ds' 2 have not seen mum for longer.

The problems all 4 of our grandchildren initially had, stem from the sudden break up and no one telling them what happened: it was left to granddad & grandma. Don't let that happen to your family. Can you not give it another go? You have so much to lose.

Unless there is someone else on the horizon... Sorry if that is not the case, but you have not been a family for any reasonable length of time.

LKRDN_Morgan

For some reason my phones not letting me quote but I don't agree the ages of the children reflect a fairly short marriage. They could have been together for 20 years before starting a family. It's so presumptuous to assume someone gets married and immediately pops out a family. It's not like that anymore. At least that's not an expectation anymore. Just like being out of a marriage is better for some than being miserable in one

chesky

I for one was not suggesting that he should stay with his wife if he'd decided to leave (she may be better off without him). No, I was merely string to answer his question, as were most people. And that was he should definitely tell his son, rather than leaving his wife with the problem.

chesky

Oops. TRYING to .. Not STRING.
Useless predictive text.