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The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.
Comments
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Go Sue! :T
You can only get it in the neck if you listen. Pyxis is right. If he complains, tell him that organising kids to "do" father's day is what parents of little children do, and that now they are grown up it's not for you to interfere in his relationship with them, and then yes, absolutely, put the phone down. You are under no obligation to listen to him or anyone else (his family perhaps?) go on about it, so don't let him bully you.
The NP are behind you, believing in you and supporting you.
I'm taking mine to see my dad for the afternoon. DD has sent a card to LNE's dad and will phone him this afternoon. DS prefers not to.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
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Thanks guys...We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
Think the proverbial will hit the fan today....none of the boys have got their father anything for Fathers day.
Middle son outright refused, eldest said he couldn't afford it and why bother and youngest asked me what I would like for Fathers day as he says I have been more of a father alongside being a mother than he has. It didn't help that none of them even realised it was Fathers day today as anything father related goes outside of their radar.
I've always done it for them, either by nagging them or buying something myself and getting it sent off but I decided that now I am not beholden to him with youngest finally leaving compulsory education, that if he wants to have a relationship with them, then he is going to have to actually do something, for example, actually get in touch with them. I no longer have that responsibility to tell him what is going on as my contact/responsibility as a parent with care with him ended when they became adults and he no longer had to pay maintenance.
It'll be me getting in the neck though.....
You can download a Father's Day card from screwfix (free!) and email it to him on behalf of the kids. There's a choice of designs.
We have a saying in our household that 'unfortunately the Complaints Department is closed'. The other day, DS2 was musing that he cannot remember it ever being open.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
You can download a Father's Day card from screwfix (free!) and email it to him on behalf of the kids. There's a choice of designs.
I think that would be a betrayal of her sons. They are adults. If they choose not to send their dad anything, that's their choice. If Sue sends something on their behalf when they didn't want her to, that undoes their choice.
If I had a dad like him, and felt about him as her sons do, and so had, as an adult, chosen not to send him anything, I wouldn't want anybody to go sending anything to him for me.
The screwfix suggestion may be helpful for other NP who like their fathers but haven't been organised this year, though. Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Think the proverbial will hit the fan today....none of the boys have got their father anything for Fathers day.
Middle son outright refused, eldest said he couldn't afford it and why bother and youngest asked me what I would like for Fathers day as he says I have been more of a father alongside being a mother than he has. It didn't help that none of them even realised it was Fathers day today as anything father related goes outside of their radar.
I've always done it for them, either by nagging them or buying something myself and getting it sent off but I decided that now I am not beholden to him with youngest finally leaving compulsory education, that if he wants to have a relationship with them, then he is going to have to actually do something, for example, actually get in touch with them. I no longer have that responsibility to tell him what is going on as my contact/responsibility as a parent with care with him ended when they became adults and he no longer had to pay maintenance.
It'll be me getting in the neck though.....
I'm with the others. I'd keep right out of it.
"Nothing to do with me" and I wouldn't even discuss it.
Discussion is the "enabler" I find.
Your sons are adults, as is their father. What they do is their business.
End of story.0 -
We don't do father's day, mother's day or any of the 'days' that are now made out by retailers to be a huge thing for purely commercial reasons. Easter we do one small egg each and perhaps another bought reduced after the day, Halloween we might do some trick or treat because it is a laugh but as little single use plastic tat as possible.
I can't understand why people decide to let themselves become victims of the advertising industry.I think....0 -
I think that would be a betrayal of her sons. They are adults. If they choose not to send their dad anything, that's their choice. If Sue sends something on their behalf when they didn't want her to, that undoes their choice.
If I had a dad like him, and felt about him as her sons do, and so had, as an adult, chosen not to send him anything, I wouldn't want anybody to go sending anything to him for me.
The screwfix suggestion may be helpful for other NP who like their fathers but haven't been organised this year, though.
You're right of course. I'm going to email a screwfix link to my kids, but we are with Michael about not making a fuss about these days.
I think in Sue's shoes I'd suggest to the kids they send an email. After all, they only have the one dad. I like getting some acknowledgement of my birthday, but I never know what to do with cards. They seem very wasteful.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
On a completely different subject...
Are there any West Midlands NP, (or others with knowledge of the area) who could recommend a nice pub, not too far from the M5 in the vicinity of Bromsgrove, Droitwich, SW Birmingham etc, where you can get good quality pub food in a relaxed kind of atmosphere, please? I'll be meeting up with someone who lives north of Birmingham, and Bromsgrove looks to be approximately half way between where we each live, but of course neither of us knows the area.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
You can download a Father's Day card from screwfix (free!) and email it to him on behalf of the kids. There's a choice of designs.
We have a saying in our household that 'unfortunately the Complaints Department is closed'. The other day, DS2 was musing that he cannot remember it ever being open.
He doesn't accept digital cards or presents, nor does he accept Moonpig cards.
There was one year the boys spent hours designing a Moonpig card including a fully personalised and specially created poem plus got him an Amazon voucher as they thought he would love it as much as I do (guilt free book buying in my case).
Ex was telling everyone the boys hadn't got him anything as (in his words), Moonpig cards and Amazon vouchers do not count.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0
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