The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.

zagubov

That's a useful tip, GDB!

One of the most useful "hacks" I found on the internet was using old kitchen/ loo roll cardboard tubes to organise computer/audio/tv cables when you're storing them.

PasturesNew

I go off at tangents.... somebody posted a photo on Facebook in the village I lived in 10-30 of the little butcher's shop being demolished.

So I started looking into that family tree - mostly because I remembered his daughter had died last year (aged 60). I didn't know her as she was 3 years older than me and had a horse... so was obviously "posh".

It's strange how "posh" people, who think they're "normal", don't realise their family are wealthier than usual and ... where it's from.

At first I thought, "Dad had a little butcher's shop. Must have been a hard worker", as you do. But the deeper I got into their tree the more I could see that it was generations before that where the wealth came from. The great-grandfather had started that butcher shop - and built a slaughterhouse - as he became a property developer, having been a butcher, having previously been a farmer and all that "overseer of the guardians" type of local roles etc.

So her family were always "posh" in a land owning, big farm owning, way. Her grandfather, then dad just worked as a butcher as the family owned a butcher's shop and he inherited it. He didn't wake up one morning and think "I'll save for a shop.... and buy one". The grandfather's will in 1937 left £14,500, with another £10k that appeared in 1975. £14,500 was a lot in 1937 - so to discover another £10k in 1975 was an additional chunk (local 3 bed semis at the time there were about £6-7k, now £5-600k).

Most haven't grown any wealth, they've just taken what was left to them and continued running whatever business they inherited, so just maintained a good income, rather than building it all up themselves. But then, even those who apparently "build it up" are invariably well connected, with a stable/middle class background behind them. They were well connected, well known, had contacts, parents had contacts, nod and a wink, head of the queue for anything that's needed because their family were known locally.

Unless you're very pretty (marry well), or have a special free skill (singers, entertainers, artists), very few really go from nothing to quite a lot.

If anything, that family tree showed a loss of actual wealth potential per individual (which you'd expect as every will slices it all down), but if you've got a shop and family business in a village, you just tick over nicely by opening the door each morning.

My gt-grandfather didn't have a farm, nor a butchery, nor a slaughterhouse, nor was he then a property developer. Mine stole neighbours' chickens when drunk, got nicked for riding a bike without lights and the pinnacle of his success was being awarded a council house tenancy when they did a slum clearance.

michaels

Strange, I have never had money nor contacts from my parents but then I'm not rich but do have valuable assets.

Spirit_2

michaels wrote: »

Strange, I have never had money nor contacts from my parents but then I'm not rich but do have valuable assets.

Too narrow a perspective. You have your underpinning education and values. Some all your own work, some a priceless inheritance.

If you are very lucky; your children will feel this too one day .

Here endeth today's sermon .

Spirit x

Sunshinemummy

michaels wrote: »

Strange, I have never had money nor contacts from my parents but then I'm not rich but do have valuable assets.

and that is because you forensically analyse the best way to use every penny to give your family the best life possible... be very proud of yourself x

zagubov

You're not wrong. In this neck of the woods, and to some extent in the rest of the UK, you need to be aware, switched on and alert to all the costs and benefits of our decisions, and michaels is in the right frame of mind for all of this (he hasn't paid me to say this).

We need to value rationality, frugality, prudence, impulse control,and an enhanced indifference to the "buy everything new now" message the media keep giving us.

PasturesNew

Spirit wrote: »

Too narrow a perspective. You have your underpinning education and values. Some all your own work, some a priceless inheritance.

If you are very lucky; your children will feel this too one day .

Here endeth today's sermon .

Spirit x

I stayed quiet as I had things to say, but didn't know how to word it.

But the above covers some of it

PasturesNew

There was a programme on the telly recently, some chap went about looking at "how the wealthier get on better", why top graduates are being turned down for good jobs because they're from poorer backgrounds.

The stock phrases they use to reject candidates. "Not polished enough" was a popular one.

He interviewed recruitment consultants too.

It came down to: Those from better/wealthier families had grown up in environments where they were shown/taught the different ways of behaving, standing, speaking, carrying themselves. The hidden "social etiquettes" that they naturally absorbed from birth.

They could walk into rooms and command them with confidence, whereas those from less wealthy backgrounds stumble and hesitate, or drop faux pas' they didn't know existed.

Stuff you "can't be taught".

It showed, too, how wealthier people know "what to do/where to go" - their social scene, which gives them the knowledge/conversation to "mix". "The Season" I think it might be referred to..... places "they" all go to, to mingle. Where "they" know they have to go, to do their rounds.

In short: The posh can spot the posh .... from 100 paces. They get chosen, for the cut of their jacket, their clipped voices, their "knowing what to do to greet people".... stuff they don't even know they do - and stuff the poorer don't even know exists.


Here it is:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000772n
Amol Rajan investigates how much class still matters in Britain’s elite professions. What does it take for bright working-class youngsters to break into the elite?

Amol learns that when it comes to city jobs, many employers are looking for candidates with ‘polish’

Getting into the media is a different matter entirely, but Amol finds that this industry has its own inbuilt biases against students from less privileged backgrounds ... the industry’s mystifying cultural codes are also providing an obstacle to many candidates from disadvantaged backgrounds.

While this programme looked at top graduates/top jobs, it really works right the way across the spectrum of all jobs/employers. You'd not employ a part-timer in a posh hat shop if their answer to a customer saying "I need a new hat for Ascot" is simply "What's Ascot? What sort of hat's that then?".

Even seemingly innocuous statements are there to divide. "Smart casual", says and means nothing.... but those with the correct background instinctively know exactly what it means and do it. Those for whom this is meaningless.... will misunderstand and "do it wrong"; a silent space will create itself around them when they enter that room.

ukmaggie45

Ages ago @Ivyleaf asked how I was doing. Life was too complicated to reply! Anyway, we've finally got the stink in the caravan sorted out. But I can't get fully accustomed to sleeping in the main bedroom as it only has a tiny ordinary TV, where the living room where I was sleeping before has a 49" smart TV. Oh well!

I had my 71st birthday yesterday. I had a virtual party for members of another forum I'm a member off... I don't know if you'd be interested, but I took photos across the day.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/liverpool-leftovers/albums/72157710630107603

The photo of my card from OH was accompanied by a "pome" from him.

The government were all awry
The clouds were racing 'cross the sky
The wind it howled, the day was damp
This did not daunt the Hippocampe
Later you can quench your thirst
And celebrate your seventy first

The Hippocampe both refers to his card which you can see in my birthday photos (sea horse in French) and my new all terraine wheelchair.

Hippocampe by field garden by Maggie, on Flickr
I hope you lot are doing as OK as possible.

And dear PN I think of you every day and send you Vibes for completing your sale and finding a perfect for you home.

Hugs to all from Bwlchtocyn... Going home for dentist later this week!

silvercar

“Not polished enough...”

DS1 went to a very selective state grammar school. They compared themselves to a bearby private school and decided that their pupils matched or exceeded academically, but lacked “polish”. So they introduced dinners where alumni came back to talk to pupils, there was a deliberate attempt to show the pupils how to behave at a dinner!