Mixed messages from work colleague

BrassicWoman

dekaspace wrote: »

Thats very strange, people talk about things like friend zone all the time, and I had girls themselves tell me (and others say the same stories male and female about people) that if you don't make a move they move on as assume you are not interested.

The "friendzone" is a concept invented by men to try to explain why women are not interested in them; it's not them, they can't possibly be subpar, they just missed the magic window.

It is them. And that's ok; there is neither a right nor an obligation to be compatible.

It is sexist rubbish used to imply women are irrational; and it is sometimes used as an excuse so as to not hurt feelings.

https://www.vice.com/sv/article/gv3k3j/the-friend-zone-isnt-a-thing-and-women-dont-owe-you-!!!!

dekaspace

BrassicWoman wrote: »

The "friendzone" is a concept invented by men to try to explain why women are not interested in them; it's not them, they can't possibly be subpar, they just missed the magic window.

It is them. And that's ok; there is neither a right nor an obligation to be compatible.

It is sexist rubbish used to imply women are irrational; and it is sometimes used as an excuse so as to not hurt feelings.

https://www.vice.com/sv/article/gv3k3j/the-friend-zone-isnt-a-thing-and-women-dont-owe-you-!!!!

Since you have used the term sexist rubbish I have to assume you are a troll otherwise you are a misandrist.


And if it was sexist rubbish explain how men friendzone women? I have done it as I saw women more as friends than romanticly.

PrinceD

Sounds like she's just not that into you and perhaps wanted something to take her mind off the ex who she obviously is still into. Don't take it personally and find somebody who values you equally as you do them.

parking_question_chap

DonGotti wrote: »

1) Why didn’t she figure out before whether she was physically attracted enough to me before she started talking about something happening and indeed kissing me; and

2) I know for a fact that she’s been with others since splitting from the ex she says she holds feelings for so why is she using that as a reason?

1) Because women rarely think logically.

2) See answer to question 1.

chesky

Bit of an overstatement there.

BrassicWoman

dekaspace wrote: »

Since you have used the term sexist rubbish I have to assume you are a troll otherwise you are a misandrist.

Neither, some things really are sexist rubbish, and I am permitted to call them that.

dekaspace

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Neither, some things really are sexist rubbish, and I am permitted to call them that.

In other words, what you believe correctly or not to be sexist rubbish is automatically valid, yet you think you yourself cannot say sexist rubbish.


The very article you linked to was sexist rubbish by the way.

Sicard

People play games, it's the nature of the beast. Immature people play childish games. This situation sounds like it comes under the 'it's complicated' category.

Move on and find a more mature partner.

DonGotti

I'm just going to have to move on like she's done. I just can't stop thinking about the situation and that's what's annoying. In my logical moments what's happened has happened for the best as we're so different, nothing long term could have come out of it and it's better it happened sooner rather than later when things could have gotten more messy...just wish it would stop occupying my mind.

krlyr

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

When she kissed you, she didn't feel any chemistry. In this case, I suspect that she experienced/felt more when kissing her ex.

You can't know that in advance.

Maybe next time, you'll meet somebody where the chemistry works differently.(in your favour).


There's no mixed messages - she was interested, but she isn't anymore - and doesn't want to hurt your feelings anymore than she has to.

This would be my take too (having been in a similar situation). I don't believe in "the one" and some of my relationships have started off with immediate attraction, others haven't, but you can't rule out the latter immediately - sounds to me like you were getting along and she was potentially interested but reached a point (presumably after the kiss) where she realised her feelings for you weren't of a romantic nature. Better to be told that than messed around.