First wife wants to take control of ex husbands funeral

Bath_cube

The will my cousin has found was dated in 2008 and her husband divorced his previous wife in 1997. He then went on to marry my cousin in 2000 their 17 year anniversary would have been next month, so it wasnt a short marriage. I find it difficult to believe anyone would get divorced but leave a opening for an ex to come back for more should someone come into wealth or die. Not only this I contacted my employers today to ask if I could have time off to attend a family funeral and I was told I can have one day off which will be taken from my annual leave because I don't qualify for compassionate leave because I haven't lost a close relative. I won't have long to spend at the funeral as I will have to travel to Sheffield and back from Suffolk the same day.

cr1mson

Sorry to hear about this hassle but can I play devil's advocate? What if his children want their mother there to support them through their father's funeral? Whilst your cousin's husband may not have wanted her there funerals are a public affair and ultimately for the living. The deceased was both a husband and a father and it may be if she involves the children that they will cause less trouble.

Yorkshireman99

Bath_cube wrote: »

The will my cousin has found was dated in 2008 and her husband divorced his previous wife in 1997. He then went on to marry my cousin in 2000 their 17 year anniversary would have been next month, so it wasnt a short marriage. I find it difficult to believe anyone would get divorced but leave a opening for an ex to come back for more should someone come into wealth or die. Not only this I contacted my employers today to ask if I could have time off to attend a family funeral and I was told I can have one day off which will be taken from my annual leave because I don't qualify for compassionate leave because I haven't lost a close relative. I won't have long to spend at the funeral as I will have to travel to Sheffield and back from Suffolk the same day.

Assuming the will is valid then the ex is unlikely to have any claim. If she should produce an earlier will that willl be invalid if made before the second marriage. The executor of the will should just get on and apply for probate if it is required.

Mojisola

Bath_cube wrote: »

My cousin isn't a very assertive 37 year old and I fear this woman and her children will get their way. What can my cousin do?

Bath_cube wrote: »

The will my cousin has found was dated in 2008 and her husband divorced his previous wife in 1997.

Assuming that the widow has been named as executor, this is one occasion where it might be better to get a solicitor to do the executor's work. It will be worth it because he/she will deal with the ex and children - your friend won't need to have any contact at all. She can stay as executor and sign all the paperwork but keep in the background.

(Always need to ask when inheritance is concerned - the couple weren't living in Scotland, were they? The inheritance rules are different to England and Wales.)

Soundgirlrocks

There are two issues here the will and the funeral, whilst I realise it was your cousins husbands expressed a wish his ex did not attend the funeral, however for his children who are grieving the loss of a parent having their mum there as a emotional support may be beneficial. Ultimately (and apologies if this sounds harsh) the emotional needs of the living have to trump those of the dead. The children have asked for their mum to be there and having lost my own father suddenly I can understand why they would want her there. A close friend should be deployed to keep the ex wife away from the current and if her behaviour is inappropriate she should be asked to leave (and the children should be made aware of that)

The next issue is the estate. It sound as if the ex is concerned that the children haven't been left anything. Whilst it may be the case, it seems like an unexpected death and your cousin needs to ask herself if her husband would have wanted his children to receive nothing. Whilst no one should expect an inheritance it can be very hurtful to be deliberately disinherited. I would imagine the fact your cousin is only 5 years older than his eldest child would add salt to the wound. Ultimately it is up to your cousin weather she wishes to pass on any money from their fathers estate.

It might also be that there were insurance policies taken out when the children were small that do have them as beneficiaries, which from memory of my Dad's estate don't form part of the will.

Mojisola

Bath_cube wrote: »

The house is paid for with no mortgage remaining and his ex is aware of this.

My cousin has the deeds in a safe back at the house.

Assuming that this means the house isn't registered at the Land Registry, that's something else that will need to be done.

geminilady

The children are 30 and 32 grown adults who should not need their mothers support.The first wife should respect her ex husbands wishes and not attend but if she does tell your cousin her husband would understand that there was nothing she could do as legally anyone can attend, she can however refuse to have her at any kind of wake.

Mojisola

geminilady wrote: »

The first wife should respect her ex husbands wishes and not attend but if she does tell your cousin her husband would understand that there was nothing she could do as legally anyone can attend, she can however refuse to have her at any kind of wake.

That's weddings - funerals don't have to be open to the public.

TonyMMM

Churches and Crematoria are public places - if someone really wants to attend, they can. Better to get some sort of agreement in advance.

Mojisola

It sounds as if the funeral has been already been arranged but many undertakers will provide a service like this -
https://mortonsfunerals.co.uk/arranging-the-funeral/what-kind-of-funeral/private-ceremonies/