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Desperate plea for help with a complicated housing situation
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If you genuinely don't need or want the money, then you could transfer the property to his sole ownership. Wash your hands and walk away.
Another option would be to try and enforce a financial LPA now, before you sell the house. Then sell the house and drip feed the money to your brother, ensuring that rent and utility bills are paid.
All depends on whether you feel some responsibility to take on your late grandparents role of looking out for your brother.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
A couple of people have mentioned getting the brother into a private rental if the Council won't take him, but since the brother has no income, he's going to struggle to find a landlord who'll take him on (and by the sound of it the landlord would be wise not to, as it sounds like he wouldn't pay the rent and may wreck the place).
Slum landlords who rent out terrible houses that they don't maintain will take him. Obviously that wouldn't usually be a good idea but if he wrecks wherever he lives it won't make much difference and at least it'll be shelter for him.0 -
As someone who knows. Taking control of a self destructing persons money is like juggling with a live grenade - YOU become the issue and they visit on you, with the self righteous indignation of those that feel they have been wronged, the violence or drama they feel necessary to get to the money they feel they are 'owed'.
THey will drag drama, to your door because they don't understand boundaries - they will lie, emotionally blackmail you or your friends or shared relatives - will sing from the rooftops how badly they are being treated - they only can see as far as the end of their nose or to the next fix - and you can argue that the money is for rent or bills or as they wanted an 'advance' it already had been spent - they want it or NEED it now and you will get it for them or they will take it out on you or yours.
You cant reason or get round an addict - they are listening to a greater need as far as they are concerned - they don't need to pay the rent, but they NEED a hit - right now. Their life is all about immediacy and the concept of planning is not open to them. Everything else is on a 'deal with later' basis.
Even if the person is reasonable (which was the case in this situation) rational and in rehab voluntarily - once they relapse this is all out of the window.
The person who was stood on the doorstep at 2am on a thursday night waiting for the police while watching the person in question break their windows, key cars and scream like the demented that we was stealing from him, it was his F%ucking money and I needed to give it to him now would like to tell you not to do this. just don't.
We were going a good thing, and as the saying goes no good deed goes unpunished. By heck, we were punished (while he took no responsibility and carried on blaming everyone else.Please note I have a cognitive disability - as such my wording can be a bit off, muddled, misspelt or in some cases i can miss out some words totally...0 -
I am not experienced, tygermoth, but was about to comment in a similar fashion.
My late brother-in-law was a drug taker (but not out of control) and in one of her wills my mother-in-law suggested that my husband take on responsibility for doling out his share, but I said he had to refuse as I didn't want him coming to our home, upsetting the family when he wanted his dues (In the end,she left the lot to the brother -in-law,her favourite son,but he pre-deceased her and the grandchildren got the remains of her estate ,after fees for care).
People have suggested that the OP take responsibility for this person's finances,but he is much worse than my brother-in-law was and it would not be fair to the OP's family (upsetting them and stressing the OP).
Another suggestion was that the builder, offering to buy, could let him a property, but having seen what destruction he has performed , the builder would be mad to do this.
Something not mentioned is the man's effect on his neighbours. Have they complained to the authorities about health risks and nuisance , as this could be a lever to remove him ?0 -
Another option would be to try and enforce a financial LPA now, before you sell the house. Then sell the house and drip feed the money to your brother, ensuring that rent and utility bills are paid.
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You can't enforce a power of attorney - any coercion would nullify it. The person has to want to do it and decide for themselves who they want the attorneys to be.All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.0 -
You can't enforce a power of attorney - any coercion would nullify it. The person has to want to do it and decide for themselves who they want the attorneys to be.
I accept this, but in one his more stable times he could agree.
A very tricky situation. On the one hand he is a self destructive addict on the other he is a close relative with mental health issues.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
A potential very serious problem that may present itself in the future is the buildings insurance.
If there is a policy in place on the former family home it may well not pay out if the terms have been breached.
If DJB's brother were to attempt to live anywhere else whilst still drinking and/or taking drugs, might not the owner of the property experience difficulty obtaining buildings insurance?
would've . . . could've . . . should've . . .
A.A.A.S. (Associate of the Acronym Abolition Society)
There's definitely no 'a' in 'definitely'.0
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