Desperate plea for help with a complicated housing situation

DJBenson

xylophone wrote: »

Whether or not he can afford to run the place is irrelevant if you want to sell?

Have you tried social services to see whether any assistance is available?

I know - sometimes I feel so angry that I just want to get it over and done with whatever the consequences, then sometimes I feel guilty that he has nobody else in this world - but the guilt doesn't last long when I think of what he has done over the years.

I have not specifically contacted social services yet, but I have little faith in them considering he was a ward of court until he was 21 and they still failed to support him through his rebellious teenage years when this addition set in.

When I phoned the council today they told me to get him to go to the drink and drug center in the town where he lives to get some support - but I don't think he'll bother - my grandparents gave him so much when he treated them so badly, he's never had to stand on his own two feet until now, and to hear he has no gas/electric, is being threatened by the water company and is living off food from the food bank does stick in the throat a bit - but I'm at a loss what I can do for somebody who doesn't seem to want help.

DJBenson

FBaby wrote: »

His issue is his drug and alcohol problem. Until this is sorted, all aspects of his life is going to be destroyed slowly. There is nothing you can do, nor others, unless he is prepared to make a signifcant change to his life.

You have two choices. You forget about your £25K so he at least got a roof to stay under, or you sell, take your £25k and accept that the consequences likely to be that he becomes homeless sooner rather than later. Of course, it wouldn't be your fault, but still chosen £25k over him having a place to stay.

Very difficult decision, especially when we are not in your shoes and don't know the full history.

Totally agree. Lets put aside "my share" as I don't need the money - but I do believe it's the right thing to do to get him out of that house. I cannot imagine what it's like living there now - it'll be like being trapped in his own nightmare. That's the family home he's lived in since he was a child, he's lost both his grandparents and has nobody now, and to boot he's trashed the house along with his scummy mates - just a dreadful situation - and it's this that is keeping me awake, not the thought of not getting my hands on the money.

DJBenson

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Absolutely Mojisola..

OP has done a good bit more for this brother than he deserves by the sound of it.

Brother is clearly set on self-destruct and has even been physically violent to the grandparents (who, astonishingly, left him 50% of their house despite it).

Personally - I'd have him out of that house and sell it quick sharp (before he devalues it any further) and it's entirely up to brother (and brother alone) what happens to him after that. No point in having someone like that allowed to drag down other peoples lives with them any longer imo.

Yep - it's a tough one to fathom. I used to get daily/weekly calls from my grandma in tears about him, and later my grandfather - I believe he only lived as long as he did as he reunited with a former school friend and they got married so he moved out of the family home.

I had endless conversations with them about chucking them out but he had one ace card up his sleeve - the knowledge that they chucked our mother out and she (totally unrelated) committed suicide years later - somehow they both blamed themselves for her death and my brother has long exploited that.

DJBenson

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Also, the OP was clear that part of the reason for wanting to sell was that the brother cannot afford to/cope with running and maintaining the house.

It won't be much use to him when the power is cut off because he hasn't paid the bill, or when the roof starts falling in because he left a small leak without repair until it became irreparable.

Yep - as above I don't exactly need the money, but I do want to help him at least escape part of the nightmare he is living. What he does after that is really down to him.

The house was spotless when I last went there (probably 4-5 years ago) but the estate agent who valued it (from the outside) said it was in a very poor state of repair, even as viewed from the kerb. A friend of the family has been in the property and has warned me not to go in there

DJBenson

teddysmum wrote: »

The sooner he is out the better, as the property is losing value as it deteriorates and, if he is a wreck, seeing him in the house will put buyers off, possibly fearing that he will squat and refuse to move out.

My main concern about trying to sell the house with him in it is exactly this - or him refusing entry (as would be his right).

My plan was to ask (or get if needs be) him to leave, have it boarded up then let the estate agents deal with it. I also have a private buyer lined up so providing they aren't going to push the price down too much they would be cash buyers and could turn it around very quickly.

Red-Squirrel_2

DJBenson wrote: »

Totally agree. Lets put aside "my share" as I don't need the money - but I do believe it's the right thing to do to get him out of that house. I cannot imagine what it's like living there now - it'll be like being trapped in his own nightmare. That's the family home he's lived in since he was a child, he's lost both his grandparents and has nobody now, and to boot he's trashed the house along with his scummy mates - just a dreadful situation - and it's this that is keeping me awake, not the thought of not getting my hands on the money.

So he didn't grow up in care?

DJBenson

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

So he didn't grow up in care?

No. Long story short, after our mother's death, my grandparents fought a legal battle to ensure we could live with them, he was three and I was seven, and they raised us as their own. We were both wards of court until the age of 21.

Red-Squirrel_2

DJBenson wrote: »

No. Long story short, after our mother's death, my grandparents fought a legal battle to ensure we could live with them, he was three and I was seven, and they raised us as their own. We were both wards of court until the age of 21.

Ok, thanks, couldn't quite understand the contradictions there!

Chapuys

In the end, I do believe in tough love. He might be your brother but some people do not try and change without a giant push through the door (metaphorically). He needs to wake up to the fact his actions have consequences. Forcing the sale may make him homeless but he will have money from the sale which he can rent, buy or put down a deposit for a property. If you are really bothered about it you could give him a larger share etc.

DJBenson wrote: »

... I also have a private buyer lined up so providing they aren't going to push the price down too much they would be cash buyers and could turn it around very quickly. ...

Is this private sale at market rate or at 'mates rates'? That would change my opinion of the situation to be fair. Cash buyers usually pay a cheaper price because of the ability of a quick sale.

DJBenson

Chapuys wrote: »

In the end, I do believe in tough love. He might be your brother but some people do not try and change without a giant push through the door (metaphorically). He needs to wake up to the fact his actions have consequences. Forcing the sale may make him homeless but he will have money from the sale which he can rent, buy or put down a deposit for a property. If you are really bothered about it you could give him a larger share etc.



Is this private sale at market rate or at 'mates rates'? That would change my opinion of the situation to be fair. Cash buyers usually pay a cheaper price because of the ability of a quick sale.

Agreed on all your points above (except giving him more money - I think the last thing he needs is more money, what he needs is someone to budget for him and drip-feed the money to him, not sure I want to go down that route though).

The private buyer is an extended family member who runs a building maintenance and rental business. I haven't explored the option too much but they are keen to stress they won't rip me off. Ideally I need some estate agents to view the property from inside but I certainly wouldn't want them to do it with him around.

Once I get a feel for the market value, I can then set my expectations for a cash sale - to be fair they'll be clearing it out and gutting it so I am prepared to take the hit to a certain extent - he'll just have to accept whatever I can get for it.