Money Moral Dilemma: Is it mean to question my share of the bill?

ButterflyLC

No it's not mean. I don't really drink either and end up driving. I sometimes also order just a main instead of 3 courses. The thing is if the majority are drinking and/or having three courses, they will forget about you. If you say sorry I didn't drink so I will pay for what I had, it will probably end up clicking with them and it will be fine. In my experience, I am usually the only one not drinking so I do get forgotten about but when mentioned the rest of the party agree.

Spendless

well done you on pulling your sister's partner up. I've had similar. We went as a big group for an Indian meal, at the end of the night one person refused to split as their partner hadn't had a main course. That was true, but what had been forgotten about was that the pair of them had spent the night drinking double brandys. I'd been on tap water and was the one who'd noticed. Wish I'd spoken up.

I've said it before to those who don't drink and don't wish to split a bill. Pay for your drinks separately at the bar. You can always take a pic on your phone of the meal you've ordered from the menu, which will have the price on it. Then sorted, you've only paid for the drinks you've had because you've done payg at the bar and you know to the nearest penny or pound what your meal has cost.

Rosemary7391

So long as everyone is happy then who cares? Problems only start when someone isn't happy - often for unavoidable reasons like needing to budget. With colleagues or larger groups I simply wouldn't go if I couldn't keep control of my spending by only ordering what I could afford. With friends it's easier, since we're more aware of each others financial situations and I can often simply invite them to my place for dinner anyway.

Angry_Bear

PasturesNew wrote: »

You need to be nippier with the bill. Keep a mental note throughout the night (not hard if you're sober) and you'll know what you spent.... take out the right notes/coins to be able to toss your spends into the bowl the minute the bill arrives.

I have no issues with splitting the bill or paying your own, but I hate this passive agressive approach you suggest. Especially as I've been in the situation before where a "friend" did this (in spite of the pre-agreement to split the bill). She ignored/forgot about the added extras - it was an Indian and poppadoms etc. were added and not free, and there were a few of us so a 15% service charge had been added - so the rest of us ended up subsidising her. She doesn't get invited out any more.

Much more usually, we agree before we go into the restaurant, or often as we're looking at the menu, what we want to do. Generally, we pay individually if it's lunch and split if it's dinner. If anyone wants to pay their own ("I'm watching my budget, can we just pay for our own tonight" is pretty common) then that's what we go with. Other than that one friend, we've never had any significant issues. And if we get groupon vouchers or 2-for-1 and there isn't quite enough to cover everyone, we usually split the bill to ensure that everyone gets a share of the deal. Again, it isn't uncommon to agree to pay our drinks separately.

Don't try to be sneaky or "get one over" on your friends - tell them upfront what you'd prefer to do and I bet they'll be fine with it.

pollypenny

Thinking back to before I retired, any department do meant we paid our own way. This was because younger staff earned considerably less than we old stagers, managers etc.

Mojisola

This is always asked by the person who consumes less but is being asked to pay an equal share.

I've never seen anyone question whether it's alright for them to split the bill equally when they know their share is usually more than some of the other diners.

The ones who regularly benefit are usually in favour of an equal split - how mean is that?

Pollycat

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

So long as everyone is happy then who cares? Problems only start when someone isn't happy - often for unavoidable reasons like needing to budget

I'm sure that nobody cares when everybody is happy.
But in this specific 'dilemma' the 'OP' isn't happy

Mojisola wrote: »

This is always asked by the person who consumes less but is being asked to pay an equal share.

I've never seen anyone question whether it's alright for them to split the bill equally when they know their share is usually more than some of the other diners.

The ones who regularly benefit are usually in favour of an equal split - how mean is that?

I really am not that mean.
I'd rather pay more than my share than expect someone to subsidise my food and drink.

svain

PasturesNew wrote: »

That is the sort of typical bullying behaviour and response from the sort of person we encounter.

It's not "a few quid" - and if I've only got a few quid then it's the difference between going out or not.

Quite often I've been out and tossed £10 on a table, having spent £8, where the split bill would've been £40. That is a FORTUNE to a lot of people.

Only a bully would go out expecting those with less to subsidise their lifestyle without a by your leave.... it's a special level of "expectation" and sense of entitlement.

I'd not care if eyes rolled... my eyes would have already been rolling when you had the AUDACITY to expect me to pay for YOUR choices.

If you can't afford to pay your own way, stay at home!

Bullying ?? ... Gotta love a drama queen :rotfl:.... Im not suggesting you pay £40 if you have had a £10 burger ... Its quite obviously aimed at a situation where its a lot closer

.... Though kudos for you for tossing that £10 in without expecting your £2 change :beer:

boliston

It would be good if restaurants could introduce "smart" menus where each diner would get a tablet and order via the tablet (or even the option of an app on their own phone) -it would also avoid having dishes on the menu that have sold out and would mean that wait staff would only need to bring out the food and not have to take orders - no more pushing that dish that won't keep and has to be sold tonight! Awkward bill splitting would be a thing a thing of the past as each diner would have the option of paying via the tablet and avoid that tedious wait for the bill!

dekaspace

peachyprice wrote: »

There, corrected that for you.

In many restaurants soft drinks DO cost as much as alcohol,small glass of wine £4.50 bottle of Fentimans £4.00. Bottle of beer £3.50 bottle of San Pelli blood orange £3.50 and so on.

It varies, I have been to places where its like £2 for a small soft drink or £2.50 for a large (which is almost always a pint) I buy the pint of soft drink, some places now like Toby Carvery have free refills for soft drinks.

For me I always remember the first day of moving to student accomodation, flatmates wanted to go to pub and wanted to do rounds, problem being they wanted the premium pints which were almost £3 and I could only afford the £1 pints and there was 4 of them, so one round would cost me like £13, and even pushing it I could barely drink 2 pints.

So if I bought my own I would spend £2, if I bought a round I would spend £13, they stopped inviting me out as they thought I was tight when I had £12 a week to live off.

Im always careful but at same time when I am merry I may buy a pal a pint and not want something back, used to annoy me in my later student years how people would spend like £30-£50 in about a hour then realise I might of spent like £10 at max so had money left and beg me for cash, they would be the ones who had more disposable income than me in the first place

So everything varies.