When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

Hiddenidenity

Toni'sfriend wrote: »

My apologies. I assumed that she had helped you out financially before and that's where the debt to her had come from. I don't think you've let her down. In fact, I would say it seems the other way around. You seem to have had a very difficult childhood and I can identify with that. Nothing I ever did was good enough either and my mother took every opportunity to belittle me but expected me to be at her beck and call. Things happened and she didn't address them at all. I'm much older than you and have moved on to a certain extent but it still makes me angry and hurts. Have you thought about counseling (I'm sensing a particular trauma). I never did but I think it might have helped. Sorry if I'm being too personal.

Thank you for reading/replying and all your help x

No she doesnt/won't help financially despite her husband helping (secretly my mum has no idea about that bit of debt I won't break the promise I made not to tell her when he helped) the amounts are all from things she's bought/spent on the older two when minding them (extra food/bits of uniform/days out etc all things I wouldn't have bought myself but I'm great ful she's there to have them)

I am awaiting counselling and a psychologist appointment, when things really blew up in march the GP made sure the referals where urgent and I do keep chasing them. I feel like I can't use these things as an excuse but these have definitely been a major part of my behaviour with money and trying to fit in etc. I can't keep

Hiddenidenity

On better news..

3 kids bathed, hair done and in bed we are late tonight oops but oh well the girls wanted their hair blow drying etc and we had fun and giggles so one late night won't hurt them DS however was showered and in bed for 7 o'clock he likes to stick to his routine

Finally finished the cleaning, I'm sure when the girls have a bath they have competitions who can splash the furthest

I'm going to have a cuppa then shower and bed myself I think. Im glad I did finish my jobs and ironing though or it'd have just played on my mind stopping me from sleeping I hate I can't just think oh I'll do it in the morning!

I had a letter (yes I'm only just opening yesterday's post ) to say I'd paid for DS school lunches up until tomorrow, although I've been paying the last 3 weeks anyway. I'm going to call in tomorrow and see what's said hopefully that means I won't have lunches to pay for until after half term

Need to make OH lunch for tomorrow speaking of lunches. Although he still buys lunch too so I'm considering telling him one or the other! The whole point of taking from home is to save money not do both!

My sister has a day off work tomorrow so I've made plans to go to hers with youngest after school run. This makes me happy 1. I'm getting out and 2. She's my bestest friend in the world. I definitely haven't been making enough effort to go and visit her since she bought her house at Xmas and this is something I need to do more often. We still speak every day through text but it isn't the same as a proper chat and cuppa she might be 6 years younger than me but she's definitely the more sensible one

Must make a note in my diary to call council tax and fine too. Cannot forget!

Toni'sfriend

I hope your counselling appointment comes soon. Whilst you can't use what's happened as an excuse it will help you deal with the situation you find yourself in now. Your self esteem is obviously at rock bottom. With help you will get out of this. Let us know how you get on tomorrow. Take care. X

Hiddenidenity

Thank you TF I really do appreciate the support x

Withdrawn £30 from PayPal (£10.30 pending still until feedback is received) as soon as withdrawal hits my account I will pay it off the council tax.

Hiddenidenity

No early night then I guess

My alarm goes off in 4 hours *yawn* I'm so tempted to give up and get out of bed. Why can I not sleep!

Hiddenidenity

Well morning again.

OH packed off to work with my last £15 for vape oil and his lunch money for today/tomorrow. I've told him I'm no longer getting up at 4 to make his lunches if he's buying lunch too :mad:

I'm just going to enjoy a hot coffee before waking the kids up to get ready for school.

I'm not sure what me and youngest will do today, her appointments later than usual and I had planned my sisters but it's pouring down and it's a good walk away to hers. I don't want to arrive at the appointment looking like a drowned rat :rotfl:

Can't decide what to do about dinner tonight it's supposed to be burger but I'm tempted to chuck something in the slow cooker this morning so I know when we get back from her appointment that it's mainly sorted. I probably won't be home until 5. Will have a think and look what I can chuck in

OH doesn't know about me having the rent covered tomorrow and still hasn't come up with something to help. He makes me mad sometimes :mad: I'm glad I actually have it covered though.

Bank balance £0 VSP
Change in purse will probably be £0 if I give the kids their snack money today. If not £1.25

So I guess today is a NSD :rotfl:

Have a good day all, hope all is well x

ETA: I've had to go into the emergency on the electric today, first time since March Must remember to top up tomorrow. This is more a note so I can look back

Toni'sfriend

You can't sleep because you're anxious and stressed. Doctors will tell you it's a symptom of your condition.
I can't believe OH has just taken your last £15.00 for VAP oil!! The sooner you get control of the wages the better. He really doesn't have a grip on reality, does he? You BOTH have to give up ALL unnecessary spending and that includes smoking, drinking, tools, holidays and him buying lunches, My OH makes my son's lunch everyday - breakfast bar, flask of soup, filled roll, fruit and two small bottles of coke decanted from a big bottle of Aldi's. I doubt it costs more than£1.50 a day. He has to realize that you need every penny to pay what you've agreed and prevent you from getting into further trouble. But you know that - it's him that's the problem. As a matter of interest does he have family?
Anyway, in the meantime throw something in the slow cooker for dinner. It'll save you time later. Hope all goes well,

tori.k

Can I be rude and ask is any of the household bills in your OH name or is everything in yours if he isn't tied to any debt maybe it's time to share the love, maybe having the responsibilty may make him wake up and deal with it a bit more rather than just assuming you will find a way of managing it, Your not sleeping because your head can't switch off trying to juggle so much and he need to step up and take some of this off your shoulders ( If your anything like me relinquishing control is just as stressful as trying to deal with the issue) but hopefully it would give him a dose of reality on how much you have on your plate.

My own husband had to take the reins for a while after I had my heart attack it surprised him the difference on what he thought I did and actually how much I do, and gave him a whole new apprecation ( seems the frustration of dealing with HRMC does have an effect) mine is very laid back ( I think that the polite way of saying it) and to him now to deal with the hassle is not have any in the first place :rotfl: which works for me, it got us working off the same page better if anything he's now tighter than I am for spending money.

Hiddenidenity

In his eyes the Vape oil saves money :cool: :mad: However I bet he still gets cigarettes and eats lunch from home :mad:

I make his lunch every day. Along with snacks and drinks and a flask of coffee.

I think I need to take his card away! To think I'm the one who had the issue with gambling it seems his issue is wanting and doing things we just can't afford!

Everything is in my name at this house. We moved here after he had been straying from home to try and work things out. I put the house in mine and the kids name and him as living with me so if things went in the opposite direction of keeping in a relationship I wouldn't be expected to leave. While the house needs a lot of redecorating and we haven't many belonging's. I love living here. Everything is close by and the hospital is walking distance etc.

He now knows that we have £0 in the account not even 1p. He thinks this will be like that until Friday when he's paid. Will keep an eye tomorrow to see what his wage should be Friday then check it against his wage slip Thursday to see what he's spent He has next Monday off for his birthday (day in lieu because he works every bank holiday.) He also has the first week in June as annual leave but tempted to cancel this? We have nothing planned other than the weekend of the 9th. So he could really work the Mon-Fri meaning he'll get overtime and bonus so going to push this into him it's a good idea

I think I need to make him aware that while yes he earns the money and he does [STRIKE]need[/STRIKE] want his smoke etc he's going to get X amount left in his account and once it's gone it's gone. Change my bank password and don't allow him access

Hiddenidenity

Older two in school. Youngest playing with dough making me a cake apparently .. yum

Lasagne going in the slow cooker will have with wedges and garlic bread. Will mean I need to pick up some more dairy free milk tomorrow but will look in lidl I think

Tomorrow I need to pick up sausage rolls and pancakes for a school party, can't be homemade as need allergy labels on. Why are these things always given last minute? Wish they could be homemade

Need to call council tax and fine this morning after my coffee. PayPal still hasn't hit bank but does say it can take 72 hours.