Wife doesn't love me anymore

Comms69

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Oh, the joints I've shared with social worker friends when we were all a bit younger!

Even if that's the case, social workers have a framework to follow.


Many social workers deal with alcoholics or recovering alcoholics - they still have a drink after work though.

Tabbytabitha

AndyBSG wrote: »

Maybe but a bit of weed is a slightly different kettle of fish to a regular coke habit...

Once a month may be regular but it's hardly a "regular drug habit".

Tabbytabitha

Comms69 wrote: »

Even if that's the case, social workers have a framework to follow.


Many social workers deal with alcoholics or recovering alcoholics - they still have a drink after work though.

Even real drug addicts don't routinely have their children removed - much less occasional users.

LeesArt

Amazing how "some people" make excuses and allowances for drug taking.

One can only draw the obvious conclusions.

Comms69

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Even real drug addicts don't routinely have their children removed - much less occasional users.

No one is discussing removing kids into care, but in a ‘custody’ battle it would be an indication to a judge for sure.

Scorpio33

Hi,

My wife and I have talked and it is painfully obvious that divorce is inevitable. I am not ready mentally for that yet, so we are going to counselling, if only to confirm things and help me accept things more. I said I will always regret not trying it as I will always wonder what if. They (Relate) also offer mediation which should help us decide who gets what in the split and make things more amicable.

My heart is breaking, but I can't make someone love me.

The only thing is: (a) she has said that she won't move out and the kids always stay with the mother as they are closer to the children (which I said was rubbish) and (b) she has said that she doesn't want things to turn sour between us as she is worried that I will use her cocaine use against her for custody of the kids.

From experience, I can only see this getting messy and I think my next step is for a free consolation with a lawyer to understand my rights a bit more. I know we both want this to be amicable (and we need to try our best to make it amicable) but I have seen others divorce and I can see it getting messy.

Any advice from people that have been through divorce and how to keep things as amicable as possible will be welcomed. I'd love to hear any coping tips as well.

I am not coping very well as my only thoughts are that I am getting my life taken away from me for something I have not had much control over and can't do anything about.

Archergirl

So sorry, but I think you knew deep down that it would come to this. Don't just stall for time hoping things will improve, you need to get on with your life, you may not think so now but you do have a life and it will only get better.
she has said that she doesn't want things to turn sour between us as she is worried that I will use her cocaine use against her for custody of the kids.
Of course she said this and of course you should use it against her, do you want your children brought up by a cocaine addict?
Get advise and start the ball rolling, the sooner it starts the sooner it will be over and you can (and should) start again.
You sound like such a lovely man it is terrible that you have allowed yourself to be mistreated this way xx

Comms69

Scorpio33 wrote: »

Hi,

My wife and I have talked and it is painfully obvious that divorce is inevitable. I am not ready mentally for that yet, so we are going to counselling, if only to confirm things and help me accept things more. I said I will always regret not trying it as I will always wonder what if. They (Relate) also offer mediation which should help us decide who gets what in the split and make things more amicable.

My heart is breaking, but I can't make someone love me.

The only thing is: (a) she has said that she won't move out and the kids always stay with the mother as they are closer to the children (which I said was rubbish) and (b) she has said that she doesn't want things to turn sour between us as she is worried that I will use her cocaine use against her for custody of the kids.

From experience, I can only see this getting messy and I think my next step is for a free consolation with a lawyer to understand my rights a bit more. I know we both want this to be amicable (and we need to try our best to make it amicable) but I have seen others divorce and I can see it getting messy.

Any advice from people that have been through divorce and how to keep things as amicable as possible will be welcomed. I'd love to hear any coping tips as well.

I am not coping very well as my only thoughts are that I am getting my life taken away from me for something I have not had much control over and can't do anything about.

So take control. Document the drug use now.

kelpie35

I think you should definitely use her cocaine habit in the divorce proceedings.

It is your children's lives that are at risk here.

You sound a very caring person and deserve much better.

You and your children will will be in a much better place if you can stay strong and don't allow her to bully you.

AndyBSG

Scorpio33 wrote: »

She has said that she doesn't want things to turn sour between us as she is worried that I will use her cocaine use against her for custody of the kids.

So she's not worried that her cocaine use is completely unacceptable but is just worried you'll use it against her.

No matter how 'amicable' she wants things to be if the mother of my kids was using class A drugs on a regular basis I would be making sure that was a factor in any custody dispute.

As you said, you're having your life taken away from you through no choice of your own so don't end up in the situation whereby in a few years time you're the one who's been taken for a ride while she is living the life she wants in the family home with your kids while you're the one penniless and homeless.