Weight getting me down

Aced2016

I would write your mum a letter. As a parent that's not what we are supposed to do. We are supposed to install confidence and positivity !!! She honestly may not know how much this affects you.

My advice earlier with getting the music on is honestly so good. I do it everyday, all my fav songs and I dance around and get my kids involved. I swear that's how I've kept my figure and it's fun !!

And with digs about owning a house ! Just laugh !! Most people don't own their house, the bank do for 25/30 years while people pay back nearly double in interest. And then most die to then leave it to their children to all squabble over. So that does amuse me when people go on about that. Not everyone of course but a large majority !!

Life is short, so enjoy your food, chose a house your happy in and go places that makes you happy ! End of. And make those small changes for you health and for YOU x

sooty&sweep

Hi

I'm sorry but to me it sounds like your mum loves you & is concerned about you & your health. She is right in that being over weight does increase your risk of a number of health issues. I do understand how hard it is I need to lose weight & I struggle !

Mum's do generally say it as it is & not always what you want to hear not because they're trying to be cruel but because they care !

My son is a teenager & some nights when he gives me a hug I'll tell him he stinks & throw him in the shower ! He'll pretend to take offence but I point out to him it's better I tell him rather than he loses his friends because he smells !

By the sounds of it you know you need to lose weight even though you don't like your mum pointing it out. However you'll never succeed until you want to lose weight.

Jen xxx

KRB2725

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

12/14 is 'normal' isn't it? Especially as we get older.

Yes it's normal, but going up three dress sizes is a big gain regardless of where you started! I accepted a long time ago my size 8 days are over!

I also agree that age makes a (big) difference!

hazyjo

Angry_Bear wrote: »

I don't know if that will help but it might. My mum was the same, and genuinely thought that she was "encouraging" me to lose weight - and I just kept putting more on. Eventually, after I moved away from her, I found my motivation myself and lost a lot of weight. It was only after that that we had a really frank conversation and she finally realised that her comments, far from helping, probably set me back years.

Fireflyaway wrote: »

TShe also criticises my housework ( lack of). I personally don't see my house as messy, but when my mum comes over I often see her looking disapprovingly at things. If I go upstairs to get something or go to the loo etc she will start tidying things. She sees it as helpful but I see it as another sign I'm not good enough.
...

At 20 this wouldn't have happened as I was bothered about appearance, where as now I'm really not. I am honestly more comfortable in a swimsuit now at size 16/18 than when I was a size 10. Strange.

Fireflyaway and Angry Bear, I think we all share the same mum lol.

My mum is tiny and has always had a strange relationship with food and for years used to go on about my weight, even when I wasn't big. I'm a size 18 now and have been for years. I remember getting a printout from scales at the local swimming pool when I was around 19 which said 9 stone 4lb. My mum found the slip and the conversation went something like 'OMG, 9 stone 4? Joanne! How have you put so much weight on!' I had the then-big-trend 'Hip & Thigh Diet Book' and had the same weight written in the front pages where you log it all, and under comments, I'd written 'FAT!!!!!!'. I saw myself as huge.

Mum would look me up and down over the next few years and often say 'When are you starting your diet?' (didn't know I was starting one lol). It took one almighty freakout from me once for her to stop saying it. But I can see her bite her tongue dying to say something about it. When the chance comes up, she's very careful about what she says but will always get in a comment like 'I don't care what size people are, I just worry about health' (and then reels off many diseases, side effects, etc).

She's also the same about my house. My OH does all the housework/cleaning/cooking, etc. We were on holiday once and she was round to feed my cats. She pulled the sofa out and was going on about the state of the floor (food, dust, etc) down the side by the wall, and went on for months about the state of the oven ('clean', but very ground in and stained - although it has recently been professionally cleaned). She often mentions it in phone calls and asks if the oven is still clean then goes on about how it needs cleaning after cooking each time, 'simply wipe it all down with a cloth'.

ARGHHHHHHH.

I'm forty effin' seven.

As for the weight, I'm a bit like you - actually far more comfortable in my skin than I ever was when I was a size 10. But yes if I could wave a magic wand and lose it all, of course I would.

The answer to all this? Nothing. Simply nothing. You learn to live with it and love our mums for how they are. My mum won't ever change. She's like it with my sister, my nephew and twin nieces. Constantly going on about weight and 'healthy eating' (her favourite expression).

If anything, I hope she doesn't notice if I lose weight, and I would never tell her if I'm on a diet as she bangs on about it for ever. My sister is always on and off diets and she's around a size 14.

I was adopted - so who knows what genes I have and whether I naturally have fat legs and a big bum lol!

Jx

powerful_Rogue

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I've tried slimming world / NHS plan but my problem is sticking to it. I don't seem to have the willpower.

No diet will ever work unless you stick to it.

A colleague at work started Slimming World in January 2016 and lost 5 stone and got down to her ideal weight in just under a year.

Myself and the missus signed up on the 4th January this year and so far i've lost 2 stone and the missus 1 1/2 stone.

It's more of a life style change then a diet. My problem before was I was eating little, but of the bad food. Now I eat lots, but of the good food.

As already pointed out, don't think 5 stone. All the little goals add up, but only you can start on that path.

FBaby

I started couch to 5 k and impressed myself by doing better than I thought possible but then got bored and haven't been out in about 4 weeks now. Typical me just don't see anything through.

Habits are by definition boring, that's normal. What makes them give you a kick is by setting yourself a challenge.

The only way to continue with a regime that ultimately demands an effort is to make it such a habit that you don't question doing it. So if you set yourself up to go running every Tuesday, look at it like going to work. You don't question whether you want to or not, you don't tell yourself that you are too tired, too poorly (unless you really are of course), you just go.

I do a lot of training and it is very rare that I feel like I want to do it but 9 times out of 10, it goes ok and then I feel great afterwards and glad that I did. I'm going to go for a run in 1 hour. Right now, I really really don't feel like going, but I just am and it will be fine.

It's good to take a stubborn approach to it. My mind is saying it doesn't want to do it, then I will do so just to show it! The same can be applied with dieting.

Sicard

Try hypnotherapy. It works, or it will if you choose the right therapist. Not only will it assist in losing weight it will boost your confidence and self esteem.

Pollycat

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi

I'm sorry but to me it sounds like your mum loves you & is concerned about you & your health. She is right in that being over weight does increase your risk of a number of health issues. I do understand how hard it is I need to lose weight & I struggle !

Mum's do generally say it as it is & not always what you want to hear not because they're trying to be cruel but because they care !

I agree with this.

The OP's Mum is right - being overweight is bad for anyone's health.
The message is correct even if the way it's delivered isn't palatable.

The OP's mum tells her she should eat less.
Is that true?
Perhaps the OP could describe what she eats, when and how much.

powerful_Rogue wrote: »

No diet will ever work unless you stick to it.

A colleague at work started Slimming World in January 2016 and lost 5 stone and got down to her ideal weight in just under a year.

Myself and the missus signed up on the 4th January this year and so far i've lost 2 stone and the missus 1 1/2 stone.

It's more of a life style change then a diet. My problem before was I was eating little, but of the bad food. Now I eat lots, but of the good food.

As already pointed out, don't think 5 stone. All the little goals add up, but only you can start on that path.

I followed the Slimming World diet 14 years ago.
I didn't go to the classes, just used my friend's books.
I've always cooked most of my own meals from scratch so found it easy to adapt my own recipes.

I did exercise quite aggressively at the same time.

I lost just under 3 stone in 8 months and have kept all but half a stone off.
I still follow the 'red' and 'green' days so if I'm having pasta for dinner, I'll have a jacket potato with beans for lunch.
I still exercise most days for about an hour.

You need to want to lose the weight for yourself for it to work.

Nikkinakkinoo2017

Hey. This is sad to read. You really should only do things for yourself like this!!! Having said that a great app I used was myfitnesspal. So easy to use and you pop in what you weigh and what you want to weigh and it will give you set calories for a day and it's then real simple to keep track as you log it into the app and it tells you how many calls. When I used it I was so shocked by some of the foods I was eating that I picked a better alternative. It's a free app so could be worth a try before paying for any therapies etc. good luck and you will reach your target when you want to.
Xx

seven-day-weekend

I too need to lose weight (and have recently, slowly, lost half a stone ).

Comments like your mum makes would make me just want to give up. I know I'm fat. I know it can be bad for my health. I don't need telling, I am not stupid.

What I need is gentle encouragement, but also acceptance of me the way I am.

If it is the same for you, then I would suggest that you tell your mum that her comments are counterproductive, that you will lose weight when you are ready (and that includes your head being in the right place), but until then you would welcome no further comment about your personal appearance.