Weight getting me down

Fireflyaway

I decided to post on this board rather than health and fitness because my issue is that my weight is now impacting on my family relationships.
As a child,teenager and young adult I was slim. However at around 27/28 I started putting on weight. I'm now 5 stone heavier than when I met my husband. I always thought I'd deal with it at some point but just never had the drive. I'm not even sure why I gained the weight.
However I now feel quite down because of the way my mum looks at me and constantly tells me its bad for my health, I need to lose weight, I should eat less etc. I know she is right but feeling that my mum is embarrassed / disappointed in me, really hurts. The photo of me at my parents house is 14 years old. I'm sure its because they are embarrassed to display a recent 'fat' photo.
I've tried slimming world / NHS plan but my problem is sticking to it. I don't seem to have the willpower. I'm now worried about getting unwell and these years of comments have really knocked my confidence. I feel ugly and as though I haven't achieved anything.
Has anyone tried counseling? Could my gp help or do I just need to man up?!

74jax

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I'm now 5 stone heavier than when I met my husband. I always thought I'd deal with it at some point but just never had the drive. I'm not even sure why I gained the weight.
However I now feel quite down because of the way my mum looks at me and constantly tells me its bad for my health, I need to lose weight, I should eat less etc.
I've tried slimming world / NHS plan but my problem is sticking to it. I don't seem to have the willpower. I'm now worried about getting unwell and these years of comments have really knocked my confidence. I feel ugly and as though I haven't achieved anything.
Has anyone tried counseling? Could my gp help or do I just need to man up?!

To be honest your post doesn't sound like you want to lose the weight.
It sounds like you would click your fingers and lose weight of you could but other than that you don't really want to.
You say you feel down because of your mum. Not your husband, not how you look at yourself.
Comments have knocked your confidence but what if you were slim and you still had comments, do you have a confidence issue in general.
To lose 5 stone takes willpower. You've said you don't have any.

I think you need to lose weight for you.

Angry_Bear

Counselling may help, but I'd suggest (if you can) trying to be honest with your mum. Tell her "I know I need to lose weight, but your comments don't give me motivation, they make me feel like I'm a failure".

I don't know if that will help but it might. My mum was the same, and genuinely thought that she was "encouraging" me to lose weight - and I just kept putting more on. Eventually, after I moved away from her, I found my motivation myself and lost a lot of weight. It was only after that that we had a really frank conversation and she finally realised that her comments, far from helping, probably set me back years.

I wish I could tell you a magic formula to find the willpower, but I just don't know. When you're getting good results it's easier to keep going but a few setbacks and falling off the wagon is common.

For me, I do the 5:2 (and will for the rest of my life). It means that if I overeat on my non-fasting days - they're supposed to be "healthy" but not restricted - I don't feel like I've failed. Provided I always stick to my two fasting days. And I've found that pretty easy. I've combined this with a lot of exercise. At the start I stepped on and off the wii fit for 30 minutes at a time - I couldn't cope with much more. But now I'm in training for a half-iron man. I still do the 5:2 and it doesn't interfere with my training, and (words I never thought I'd say) I get a real kick out of the hard exercise. YMMV of course.

I recognise everything you describe in your post and this was me a few years ago. I really feel like a different person now, bags more energy and confidence. I say that to give you hope that it can be done. And I hope you find the turning point for you!

Fireflyaway

Thanks 74jax. Interesting point. I do sometimes wonder if I really want to lose weight that much or if I feel I should. I think its because it 5 stone, it seems a huge undertaking.
Angry Bear that's an amazing turn around. I have spoken to my mum and she tries to bite her tongue but the odd comment still comes. Or she will cut out magazine articles about now being fat causes cancer or how exercise is beneficial etc! I know its well meant but I feel a failure that she feels that way. Then I feel angry that I'm getting down because after all its my fault I fat to begin with!

pinkshoes

I'd say man up!

Ok, harsh (I'm blunt!), but if well known diets haven't worked, then perhaps you need a new tactic...

Diets suck because they just make you think about food and make you want more.

Obviously you need to either eat less or move more.

Perhaps decide when you over-eat the most (evening munchies??), and find a new activity to replace it, whether it is just going for a walk, joining a dance class, knitting, a book club etc...

Or eat the same, and take up some exercise. Find a jogging buddy?

Good luck!

IAmWales

Don't think of it as five stone, that's far too big a target to start off with. Set out to lose half a stone, then a stone, and so on. And don't set time limits, it will happen in the right time for you (and fast loss tends to result in fast gains and more).

Measurable, achievable targets. You can do it.

Marvel1

I say "talk" to your Mum, when I say "" I mean be stern and say it like it is.

In other words - back the !!!! off.

Mojisola

IAmWales wrote: »

Don't think of it as five stone, that's far too big a target to start off with. Set out to lose half a stone, then a stone, and so on.

Measurable, achievable targets. You can do it.

Another way that works for some people is to chose a percentage of your weight and aim to lose that. When you reach that target, go for the same percentage again.

Once the first target is reach, each new target is fewer pounds and can feel easier to achieve.

arbrighton

As others have said, you're not going to lose 5 stone in one go, it's an insurmountable idea and thinking of it is too scary to contemplate.

Also agree that you sound like you think you should rather than actually willing to, for yourself.

And it's not going to be a quick fix diet but a real, sustained lifestyle change that's needed. Pick one thing to change, e.g. I will have one fewer biscuit, or walk in lunchbreak today and try to build new, better habits

Red-Squirrel_2

I don't think your weight is why you've posted, it sounds like it's your mum that's getting you down!

Does she ever say anything positive about you? Do you generally get on? Do you think you'd be able to have an honest conversation where you tell her how bad her comments make you feel? Would she be receptive?

Let's face it, the articles about weight/diet/exercise etc. aren't going to be telling you anything you don't already know (and I'm sure you've heard every diet tip going a hundred times before too!) The only message your mum is actually communicating to you is that you aren't good enough for her as you are, and that's a really hurtful message from your mum of all people. You have my sympathy.

krlyr

I agree that a word with your mum is needed - if she knew how much it's getting to you, she may think twice about her comments.

On the diet side...I'm on a FB group, it's basically a bunch of dog owners who all wanted to lose some weight so we started a FB group to spur each other on. I'm following clean eating principles (I wanted to eat healthier, and as a by-product lose eight) but there's quite a few members on there following the ketogenic, or Low Carb, High Fat style diet and seeing good results. There are sites with two week meal plans, so you can give it a try, and after that you just need to use an app like MyFitnessPal or similar to track your macros (fats, proteins, carbohydrates). https://www.dietdoctor.com/how-to-lose-weight

Could be worth a try, if previous diets haven't worked! I eat at other people's houses quite a bit at the moment so I didn't want to go on something so strict, but I've found even just with clean eating (cutting out refined/processed foods) that my cravings for chocolate, crisps, etc. waned so much. I've still got a box of choccies in my cupboard from Valentine's day, and I can't remember the last time I bought a packet of crisps.. Once you can break that whole sugar craving cycle, you feel a lot better for it, and my appetite has definitely reduced.