Should I pay my cheating ex?

IgglePiggle1

Resolved, advice appreciated!

annandale

Do you owe him that sum? If you do I'd pay it. It's not for other people to decide if you should or shouldnt

If you don't and it should be adjusted due to the costs you've incurred then you could deduct them but I wouldn't take the advice from people saying you don't owe him anything

If the boot was on the other foot how would you feel

whitewing

In our town, the local solicitors hold a free legal clinic every so often. Maybe yours would have similar. I would have a discussion with them as to where you would stand. (Don't know if they would actually tell you anything useful though). There may be things you haven't thought of.

fuzzything

IgglePiggle1 wrote: »

We worked out the costs fairly soon after we split and worked out that I owe him £6k

Yes, for two reasons:
- It sounds likely he would get the money if he took you to court
- it's a mean thing to do -- really - think how if you didn't owe him any money how it would be unacceptable to take £6000 from him (if he had the money spare). And in this case he probably doesn't and may be in difficultly without it.

IgglePiggle1

Thank you for your replies, it's interesting!

I'm not a horrible person, and I'm not out to screw him over but equally, saying 'what if the boot was on the other foot' and 'it's a mean thing to do' feels a bit, I don't know, kind (not sure if that's the word I'm looking for) to him considering he wasn't really thinking of me and not being mean when he was sleeping with his boss in our bed, and sleeping with some other girl in work, saying he was working late, then being able to come home and act like nothing had happened, for 5 months.

Sorry, not trying to get emotional, but I'm not going to be quick to feel sympathy for him being owed money I paid for everything while he wasn't working and if money was that much of an issue he shouldn't have agreed to get the car!

thorsoak

Who has the car now?

[Deleted User]

Hi,

thorsoak wrote: »

Who has the car now?

IgglePiggle1 wrote: »

kinda begrudge having to hand over £6k, even though I have the car!

seems that IgglePiggle has car now.

FBaby

You invested in this relationship on the basis that it was going to bring you what you wanted, a long term committed relationship. Not all our investment go to fruition, sometimes we lose out and have to start again.

You stayed at his parents for quite some time, so that must have come with a financial saving. You can't just consider what you want and ignore the rest to decide that he doesn't deserve the money that he gave you.

Pay him, move on. Some relationship works, others don't, but that shouldn't crossover principles, and paying what you owe is quite a fundamental one.

annandale

How much did living with his parents save you.

PasturesNew

The debt and the cheating are separate issues.

If you owe the money then you should repay it.

I accept you took on the finance not knowing your circumstances were about to change - and he allowed you to sign up for that, knowing he was dipping his wick elsewhere, so you'd have made a different choice if you'd known at that point .... but the fact is you made a decision to buy a car and there's £6k you owe him.

This is one of those "financially savvy" moments in life when you learn that things DO change and financial decisions need to thought through with more "what if" situations entering the decision-making bit.

Diary

Could you set up a monthly payment plan in writing of the very minimum you can afford? Or does this just prolong your ties with him?

It must feel like he really set you up knowing what he was doing and the relationship would be last.