How to avoid meeting up

Sunny_Saver

takman wrote: »

Why would he say that? You said his wife didn't even have time for you for 3 years so she wasn't really that good of a friend...

That's what I think.

Bridges were burnt.

vacationgirl

Couldn't you contact some of his friends and tell them your concerns? You never know they may have the similar issues with him and could offer advice
Maybe he has to fill his day with activities such as coffee or lunch etc because he's just trying to keep himself busy since his wife died, but as you said, they were too busy to keep in touch during the last 3 years so maybe no change there then.

downshifted

Just to put things in perspective for you, a relative who was the sensible, reliable one in the family has totally transformed after the death of his wife. He has online relationships with women half his age (mostly scams, I suspect he sends them money) he visits a "girlfriend" half his age abroad (poorer country) and is about to go off and see another one. When you are out with him he flirts inappropriately with young women and I'm pretty sure the girls serving in our local pub avoid him like the plague. He's 77 and physically far from the best specimen for his age. He really thinks young and attractive women are interested in him and not just his wallet. He doesn't seem at all interested in women nearer his age - and any that were interested in him have disappeared once they know what he is like. It's very sad, but he is far from alone in his expectations

So I wouldn't discount this man having designs on you and I would not see him if it made me as uncomfortable as it clearly makes you - put yourself first

Sunny_Saver

I have no idea who his friends are vacationgirl. TBH, I don't think they had many. I never heard them talk of any apart from one chap. They just did everything together or with their family.

The 'one chap' lives somewhere quite remote and far, so they used to drive there and stay over in a hotel. When I asked him if he saw him anymore, I was told no, as he's become reclusive because his dog died so he no longer went out and he didn't want to keep in touch.

Sunny_Saver

downshifted: That's quite sad really.

It's funny how different people think.

My grandpa lived till his 90s. He was fairly mobile and did his banking in the local branch. One day one of the ladies in the branch told my mum that she saw my grandpa (in his 70 or 80s at the time) in the street and said hello, wanted to speak to him, but he just said 'hi' and dashed off. My mum told my grandpa this and he said he didn't want people seeing him speaking to young girls in the street in case they thought he was a perv. My mum related this to the bank staff and she said 'For goodness sake, I'm 58 hardly a young girl and I was the one talking to him!'.

annandale

You don't want to hurt his feelings but you're going to mention how little you saw of him and his wife when she was alive.

annandale

If his texts cause sleepless nights why can't you simply block his number?!

Sam_Fallow

Sunny, all the advice so far has on how to react to his proposals. Why not take back control next time he asks for a meeting, just say that you are busy and you will let him know when it is convenient for you and your OH.

Then just let it slide if you wish. He if asks again, because you have the control, you can say 'no, I'll let you know, please don't be so pushy.'

It's all about being provactive, not reactive and wresting the control from him.

annandale

You've posted saying how this man's behaviour affects you. Then you say you could cope with seeing him every few months. If you don't want to see him tell him.

Change gyms if you feel it's necessary and get on with your life.

And if the behaviour is verging on the obsessive do something about that, speak to his family for example.

Sunny_Saver

I don't know any of his family. I know their names, but never met them. His son rang me maybe 8-9 months after my friend passed to say he saw my letter to his dad but don't expect to hear from him.