How to avoid meeting up

spirit

Sunny_Saver wrote: »

I don't know any of his family. I know their names, but never met them. His son rang me maybe 8-9 months after my friend passed to say he saw my letter to his dad but don't expect to hear from him.

I wouldn't involve his family. Just nip it in the bud using any of the ideas we've all given you (or one of your own)


Just don't let it drag on is my advice. It is taking up too much of your life. Why should you change your recreational habits etc just to avoid him?

Sunny_Saver

Yes, i agree spirit. I've been given good advice. Just need to act on it.

Thank you.

pollypenny

If someone followed me to the gym and the swimming pool, I'd consider him a creep.

His behaviour is totally inappropriate, sunny.

Pollycat

annandale wrote: »

Change gyms if you feel it's necessary and get on with your life..

You've clearly never tried to cancel a contract with a gym

pollypenny wrote: »

If someone followed me to the gym and the swimming pool, I'd consider him a creep.

His behaviour is totally inappropriate, sunny.

I did think someone mentioned stalking but I can't find the post (am on the bus on my phone).
I'm not saying this guy is a stalker but I think someone may have said that's unlikely because of his age.
In today's Metro there was a 73 year old guy convicted of stalking.
He was given dispensation to have his (black) cat in court.

Sunny_Saver

OH said he's over 80 he's not a stalker. My mum said he was just lonely, looking for someone to talk too/an audience.

I also said he was lonely, I presumed as he lost his wife, but I bumped into my neighbour who lost her husband. God, she does so much! My head hurts just listening to her activities/social life.

It's wrong to presume people are lonely because they lose their OH, sometimes they get a new lease of life.

itsanne

Sunny_Saver wrote: »

OH said he's over 80 he's not a stalker. My mum said he was just lonely, looking for someone to talk too/an audience.

I also said he was lonely, I presumed as he lost his wife, but I bumped into my neighbour who lost her husband. God, she does so much! My head hurts just listening to her activities/social life.

It's wrong to presume people are lonely because they lose their OH, sometimes they get a new lease of life.

Or they may have to fill the time somehow .... and you can be lonelier with other people than on your own.

I'm not trying to have a 'go' at you, just hoping that you'll maybe rethink making any assumptions in this area. Appearances can be deceptive and I don't think it's possible to know what it's like without experiencing it - I certainly didn't.

Sunny_Saver

No, that's fine, itsanne. I know you're not.

I read a proverb once that you can be in a room full of people, but unless a certain person is in that room, the room is empty.

Everyone reacts differently. Also, no one knows the relationship when both were alive. Maybe husband abused wife or wife abused husband, so it's a weight off their shoulders to be on their own.

System

OH said he's over 80 he's not a stalker.

Your husband is wrong... granted at the age of 80 he's not going to be able to do much I would have thought but he's still a nuisance when the attention isn't wanted.

Quoted from Dictionary.com

Stalker:

1. a person who pursues game, prey, or a person stealthily.
2. a person who harasses another person, as a former lover, a famous person, etc., in an aggressive, often threatening and illegal manner:

Sunny_Saver

I know see Pollycat's post earlier - that guy was 73, not 80, but close enough.