Family drama, 30 & pregnant.

svain

Blimey, my folks live 2minutes away and they never see me on my birthday, and give me card/gift the weekend before. Birthdays have never been a big deal for me.

My partners family however get together for every birthday, shifting heaven and earth to get together on actual day!!. I find it all over the top tbh as they see each other all the time.

Red-Squirrel_2

I'm wondering if the fact that you scheduled the meal for a day you knew your sister was working made your parents feel uncomfortable about coming when their other daughter was excluded, especially as she seems to be very vulnerable at the moment. Birthday celebrations don't have to be on the exact day, most people pick the closest weekend, I think.

Of course, they should have communicated with you if that was the case, but I'm afraid I do think you overreacted and that your behaviour wasn't perfect either, sorry.

LottieLou

Thank you for all (well, most) of your replies. They have really helped.

Sorry to have posted and not answered questions.

I should have made it clearer that the meal wasn't my idea, I dislike birthdays (no matter what number they end in). No birthday is any different to the next. It was my parents ask that they see me on my 30th so hence the plan.

It was arranged before my sister put herself down to work, her reply to me asking if she was coming/wanted to come was -I'm off Thursday and Friday so we can go then. But my parents wanted to go Wednesday, they were upset with her she had rostered to work but I reassured them It didn't bother me.

I think people are right when they say there's probably a deeper reason/underlying issue. My sister is nasty to my parents, my parents have always trodden on eggshells around her, moan to me about it...which looking at it alongside pregnancy has really got me down. So I have always been piggy in the middle listening to them all moan about each other. Everyone has found it hard especially recently, so I have made sure I have been there for each of them at the drop of a hat. That being my nature, I wouldn't have done it any differently.

My sisters attemted suicide/ overdose is of course an important issue. My parents are struggling with how awful she is being towards them and how much 'back to normal' she is with her life whilst they are becoming angry and resentful (she was actually on holiday when we reported her as missing, on her drive home she drove to hospital and took an overdose in the car park). I'm not playing down where she is with her mental health, but now looking back maybe I am angry at certain things.

I think I have concluded, especially after reading some of your advice, that we are just different people. And if I didn't want to do anything to 'celebrate', then I should have made that clearer. Had I done so, all would have been avoided.

I rang my parents later in the evening to talk about it, to stop it becoming a bigger issue. guest101, you made me laugh with your comment. Yes crying 5 hours would be OTT, I should have said I was upset about it from when I realised they wanted to cancel to when I went to bed. I wasn't crying for 5 hours :eek: but I can't talk and cry at the same time hence the sobbing (more like and unattractive choke).

I should talk to them again, but they didn't give a reason why they wanted to cancel so I am not sure. Emmatthews I think you hit the nail on the head. I think me knowing in my gut all day that it would happen, and pregnancy hormones like some of you have said have added to making this bigger than it needed to be.

I hope I didn't come across as sulky in person with the gifts, It felt like an "oh well here's your gifts", but I just felt completely awkward.

I am right to be upset, it is hurtful. Thank you to those who have said that. I'll be taking a step back from them all from now on.

Xx

P.s KxKx I hope your brother doesn't bail.

Loz01

As you've said, I would take a step back and try and concentrate on you and your life for now. Your parents are obviously distracted by your sister and her issues and its normal to feel as though you're being shoved on the back burner, especially when you're in this stage of your life where you're having a baby.

FBaby

I think your parents don't know whether they are coming or going.

I expect your sister is coping with feeling of deep unhappiness and I think she planned, maybe as a change of mind, to work so not to go to the meal, maybe because you have what she wishes she could have, a loving partner, a baby on the way, a stable life and however much she loves you, it is hard for her to see it.

I think your parents know that, so when they realised that's what was going on, they got worried about her again and as such, decided the cancel and focus on her.

All this is supposition of course. Either way, you have a sister who clearly is unwell and you have to accept that as a result, you are not the focus of your family, even on your 30th birthday, which really is not a big deal compared to your sister's health. You could have said to your parents that you would rearrange for the week-end but would leave it to them to see how it went, and just enjoyed the celebration with your parents. Going into hysterics and sending your mum back with her presents sound like a big tantrum.

onlyroz

I'm still not clear what actually happened. Did the meal go ahead or not? Who turned up? Who didn't turn up? Who said they would come and didn't?

Marvel1

You will have another birthday, even then I rate as just another normal day. Never understand why people have a day off for their birthday.

clint_S

jackieblack wrote: »

Some people appear to consider anything ending with a '0' (and in some cases a '5') milestones.


(And some 'Millennials' appear to consider EVERY birthday a milestone!)

I keep hearing about Millennials so looked it up. Any one born between 1976 and 1995 is a millennial, that surprised me.

svain

i would make the effort to pop round to your parents unnancounced for a cup of tea. Make it very casual half hour visit. Do not bring the subject up, or if it really is necessary to talk about it again, just skirt the issue without blame.

Get your relationship with your parents past the Birthday debacle and back on even keel ..... and then take a step back if you wish

tensandunits_2

onlyroz wrote: »

I'm still not clear what actually happened. Did the meal go ahead or not? Who turned up? Who didn't turn up? Who said they would come and didn't?

Me neither, but it sounds to me like the meal didn't go ahead. Did the parents cancel because the sister wasn't going, or something along those lines?