Family drama, 30 & pregnant.

LottieLou

Morning everyone,

I'm really hoping for a bit of perspective on this situation. I was 30 yesterday, and I am pregnant. I'm not generally big on birthdays, I like a chill day and that's that. So what I had planned was an early evening meal with a few close family and my partner.

My younger sibling told me she was working. Fair enough, it's a weekday & I can't expect everyone to be able to come. She only had to work 2 days this week and had self rostered onto my birthday because she wanted to work on wednesday. She has no other commitments - children, partner etc. A tad rude I thought, not something I would do personally, but again brushed it off thinking she doesn't have to come if she can't or doesn't want to.

(Abit of background: A few months she had an attempted overdose following a break up, and took herself to hospital. She had rang a crisis line, so they alerted the police who told us. My parents and I spent hours looking for her. By the afternoon she had taken herself to hospital. I've dropped everything for her whenever she has needed, I was having persistent pains and some bleeding but carried on searching for her. Supported my parents, I've been there so much I was admitted for exhaustion, my partner was furious with my family but is good at biting his tongue. She has since been treating my parents really rudely, but outwardly appears 'ok', inwardly I know she's very angry).

Fast forward to yesterday, I booked a table (country pub that gets busy). Then come the texts that they (my parents) haven't told my sister she isn't eating with us. I reassured them she was aware and when the table was booked for. Which is after she would be home from work anyway, so if she wants to she can come.

But I knew what was coming, so I let emotions get the better of me and got upset (in private). I knew the meal wasn't going to happen. I told them I was upset with the situation, that on my 30th birthday I had spent all day waiting for a returned text or call. A text came later on to say could it be rearranged for next week, followed by phone calls I didn't answer. I felt so let down, a meal in a pub isn't too much to ask especially when you are 30.

Did I over react?! I left it a few hours and rang my mum (I feel like a child saying all this). To let her know how hurt I was, I told her I had to ring because otherwise the way I was feeling, I wouldn't be speaking to them for a long time. I couldn't speak for sobbing.

She came round to speak to me, give me cards etc all of which I sent her home with and said the time with the family would have ment so much more to me. I don't need gifts or cards. My sister really wasn't bothered, she had ordered herself a chinese.

I on the other hand had spent 5 hours crying, and not eaten since breakfast. I keep telling myself I am over emotional due to pregnancy, but I am struggling because I would never have treated any member of my family in the same way.

I need to move past this now, but have woken up this morning still upset over it. Any words of wisdom? (please be kind)

tea_lover

Why did your parents not attend the meal? Sorry if I've missed that part

Guest101

Do you think your hormones could be playing a role in this, given your pregnancy.


Of course it's ok to be upset, but crying for 5 hours would perhaps be OTT in other circumstances.

~Beanie~

I'm confused, why didn't your parents come? You knew your sister wasn't coming so what changed?

Did I over react?! I left it a few hours and rang my mum (I feel like a child saying all this). To let her know how hurt I was, I told her I had to ring because otherwise the way I was feeling, I wouldn't be speaking to them for a long time. I couldn't speak for sobbing.

I think you did over react a bit if I'm being honest. I can get that you would be upset but to the point that you couldn't speak for sobbing?

She came round to speak to me, give me cards etc all of which I sent her home with and said the time with the family would have ment so much more to me. I don't need gifts or cards.

Who came round, your mum? Why did you send her away with your cards and gifts? Sounds a bit over dramatic tbh.

I on the other hand had spent 5 hours crying, and not eaten since breakfast.

A definite over reaction.

I am over emotional due to pregnancy

This ^^^^^

I'm sorry your family are !!!! and ruined your birthday but I do think you have over-reacted somewhat and definitely need to put it behind you and move on.

jackieblack

Just put it down to pregnancy/hormones making you over emotional/over sensitive


(Although I have to add the caveat that I really don't 'get' adults who want/make a big fuss on their birthdays. Even ones that end in a '0'. )

KxMx

I'm 30 very soon and understand how you feel.

Also booked a meal out and I'm pretty sure my brother is going to bail. Since I want his company (rarely see him, his choice) rather than a card with money in I will be upset no doubt, but since I am expecting him not to come, it will be managed upset.

I would start putting yourself, partner and baby first over your other family.

When you are unable to change how someone treats you, you have to look at managing your expectations and changing how you react to them.

Just think of all the good you do have in partner and coming baby.

borkid

KxMx wrote: »

I'm 30 very soon and understand how you feel.

Also booked a meal out and I'm pretty sure my brother is going to bail. Since I want his company (rarely see him, his choice) rather than a card with money in I will be upset no doubt, but since I am expecting him not to come, it will be managed upset.

I would start putting yourself, partner and baby first over your other family.

When you are unable to change how someone treats you, you have to look at managing your expectations and changing how you react to them.

Just think of all the good you do have in partner and coming baby.

The bolded part. Your 'extended' family have shown you can't trust them. I learnt very early on parents and siblings weren't to be trusted with things they said they'd do. Some people are just like that it's up to you to decide how much you want to have to do with them.

onlyroz

I'm a bit confused. Who came, and who didn't come, to the meal? Who was expected to come?

jackieblack

KxMx wrote: »

When you are unable to change how someone treats you, you have to look at managing your expectations and changing how you react to them.

This ^^^^^^, as a 'life rule' generally


You can't change or control what other people do, you can only change how you react / deal with it.

pimento

Since when was 30 a milestone birthday?

jackieblack

pimento wrote: »

Since when was 30 a milestone birthday?

Some people appear to consider anything ending with a '0' (and in some cases a '5') milestones.


(And some 'Millennials' appear to consider EVERY birthday a milestone!)