Family drama, 30 & pregnant.

McKneff

2 things

. How dare you hurt your mum this way. You know exactly how much it hurts and then you deliberately do it to her and probably made her cry too. Shame on you.

A bunch of flowers, a hug and an apology for your mum are in order.

Thats it

Diary

Grow up. You're 30 not 3.

AylesburyDuck

McKneff wrote: »

2 things

. How dare you hurt your mum this way. You know exactly how much it hurts and then you deliberately do it to her and probably made her cry too. Shame on you.

A bunch of flowers, a hug and an apology for your mum are in order.

Thats it

Seriously? :eek:

Well i'm in the camp of Brithdays are special, birthdays are always made a fuss of in this house, 4 kids ranging from 16-23 and i'd sooner wear a vest of bees than let them down on a Birthday or think that any of their siblings would treat them so shodily either.

So i'm in the no, your not overreacting camp, your right to be upset.
However with sending her back with the cards and gifts, maybe a bit sulky, a bit too much there!

lush_walrus

I think it's an over reaction but largely I am sure due to hormones. You have said you aren't bothered about birthdays so they are not likely to have been expecting you to care about this one. But actually you did and were hurt by no one attending. Perhaps next time when you invite make it clear you really do care and see if you can make the arrangements to suit those you want to be there. It doesn't have to be on the day, and once you have children it will be harder and harder to plan mid week things for one reason or other.

If your sister has recently tried to commit suicide your parents are probably super stressed about that and not sure if she lives with them but I imagine if she does they want to keep an eye on her.

A couple of responses are a bit odd, referring to your parents as extended family, well you can't get a closer relationship to parents and children. Your view on all of this and how you deal with parents will chnage when you have your child, for most you suddenly see how much they have done for you as you try to match it with your own children.

Don't be upset it's a difficult time with your sister by the sounds and an exciting time for you with a child on its way.

Hermia

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Seriously? :eek:

Well i'm in the camp of Brithdays are special, birthdays are always made a fuss of in this house, 4 kids ranging from 16-23 and i'd sooner wear a vest of bees than let them down on a Birthday or think that any of their siblings would treat them so shodily either.

I think the problem is that when kids are older it is not always possible to do that. In my family we often celebrate birthdays at a later date or people visit each other individually rather than have a big gathering. There are always problems with work or travel or other commitments. My birthday comes at a time of year when people often can't get time off work so I generally celebrate it a month or two later. Another 'kid' has a job where he constantly flies back and forth to the US so he misses a lot of birthday events. As I said above it is a shame the family did not realise that this was maybe not the best time for the 30th birthday dinner. If this was happening in my family I would probably have suggested the OP have a quiet dinner with her OH and the whole family could have a celebration later on when the sister is feeling better and everyone can get there.

splishsplash

OP, it sounds like you are harbouring a huge amount of resentment towards your sister and parents. Do you feel your parents are more invested in your sister than you?

This birthday episode has just been the valve that blew and allowed you to release some pressure - hence the five hour sobbing session.

I would deal with the subtext and celebrate your birthday later.



Belated birthday wishes .

tensandunits_2

LottieLou wrote: »

Morning everyone,

I'm really hoping for a bit of perspective on this situation. I was 30 yesterday, and I am pregnant. I'm not generally big on birthdays, I like a chill day and that's that. So what I had planned was an early evening meal with a few close family and my partner.

My younger sibling told me she was working. Fair enough, it's a weekday & I can't expect everyone to be able to come. She only had to work 2 days this week and had self rostered onto my birthday because she wanted to work on wednesday. She has no other commitments - children, partner etc. A tad rude I thought, not something I would do personally, but again brushed it off thinking she doesn't have to come if she can't or doesn't want to.

(Abit of background: A few months she had an attempted overdose following a break up, and took herself to hospital. She had rang a crisis line, so they alerted the police who told us. My parents and I spent hours looking for her. By the afternoon she had taken herself to hospital. I've dropped everything for her whenever she has needed, I was having persistent pains and some bleeding but carried on searching for her. Supported my parents, I've been there so much I was admitted for exhaustion, my partner was furious with my family but is good at biting his tongue. She has since been treating my parents really rudely, but outwardly appears 'ok', inwardly I know she's very angry).

Fast forward to yesterday, I booked a table (country pub that gets busy). Then come the texts that they (my parents) haven't told my sister she isn't eating with us. I reassured them she was aware and when the table was booked for. Which is after she would be home from work anyway, so if she wants to she can come.

But I knew what was coming, so I let emotions get the better of me and got upset (in private). I knew the meal wasn't going to happen. I told them I was upset with the situation, that on my 30th birthday I had spent all day waiting for a returned text or call. A text came later on to say could it be rearranged for next week, followed by phone calls I didn't answer. I felt so let down, a meal in a pub isn't too much to ask especially when you are 30.

Did I over react?! I left it a few hours and rang my mum (I feel like a child saying all this). To let her know how hurt I was, I told her I had to ring because otherwise the way I was feeling, I wouldn't be speaking to them for a long time. I couldn't speak for sobbing.

She came round to speak to me, give me cards etc all of which I sent her home with and said the time with the family would have ment so much more to me. I don't need gifts or cards. My sister really wasn't bothered, she had ordered herself a chinese.

I on the other hand had spent 5 hours crying, and not eaten since breakfast. I keep telling myself I am over emotional due to pregnancy, but I am struggling because I would never have treated any member of my family in the same way.

I need to move past this now, but have woken up this morning still upset over it. Any words of wisdom? (please be kind)

I'm afraid i can't follow exactly what's happened here. Did your parents say they weren't going to come to your birthday meal? Maybe you can update us when you're feeling a bit calmer.

Kim_kim

jackieblack wrote: »

Just put it down to pregnancy/hormones making you over emotional/over sensitive


(Although I have to add the caveat that I really don't 'get' adults who want/make a big fuss on their birthdays. Even ones that end in a '0'. )

I'm with this one. I rarely book annual leave for my own birthday - I wouldn't expect extended family members too.

Did you cancel the meal because your sister couldn't go?
Or did your parents not show because your sister couldn't go?

Art_Deco

Put it down to your hormones, perhaps your parents havent got over your sisters suicide attempt and dont really feel like celebrating i know i wouldnt have .

POPPYOSCAR

I understand you being upset but you should have answered their calls at least to find out why they wanted to re-arrange for next week. They may have had a very valid reason.

I get the impression that you feel your parents are more concerned about your sister than they are about you.

Perhaps they are at the moment because of what has just happened.

You should discuss this with your parents and explain how you feel and give them a chance to explain as well.