Fallen out with parents

Pa_Ja

Your parents seem to hold a serious amount of resentment towards your wife.
Why was your mother coming away with a comment such as, "had me right where she wanted me" ?

Was your current wife involved with you prior to splitting with wife #1?

They obviously have a reason for their passive aggressive behaviour towards her. If there's no explanation then get them told!

suki1964

Sounds like my deceased step dad ,a belligerent old sod

Hated my sisters husband just because he was Arab, called him the w*g

When he had to be in his company he just ignored him the best he could,talked over him or if he had to talk to him, he spoke down to him, using that awful way of speaking as if the person you are speaking too can only understand if spoken to very slowly with hand gestures

He didn't have Alzheimer's , he was just pigging ignorant and a rude obnoxious man. We also had nose picking and pocket billiards to contend with

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I would have a frank chat with your brother and ask how they behave around his house, and if they mention your wife at all.

It is sensible to be aware of dementia symptoms, even if it may not be the case in this instance. This might be a good time to talk with your brother about how you both will deal with your parents aging ie if their health rapidly declines and you have to consider stuff like power of attorney and care homes. It is better to have consensus and a plan now, rather than having to deal with sudden panics in future.

mumps

If you have a look at the forum on the Alzheimer's site there is a saying they use, "If you've seen one person with dementia you've seen one person with dementia." This is because it can present and progress very differently from person to person. My aunt has dementia, her presentation isn't exactly like your father's but she has definitely forgotten her manners and it is horrible to listen to how she speaks to people at times.

The problem that people have is that one half of the couple covers for the other, I don't know why I suppose it could be that they are in denial or frightened or they've just got used to the behaviour.

Is it worth forcing your mother to face up to the possibility? Hard to say, if it is early there are medications that can slow the progression down but they don't work for everyone and like all medications they can have side effects e.g. Aricept has slowed down the progression for my aunt but it has also made her more aggressive and unpleasant.

Dementia isn't easy for anyone, the sufferer, their partner, wider family and the community in general e.g. my aunt is a nuisance to neighbours, 999 and 111 not to mention local shops.

Good luck with it.

splishsplash

You may be right, your dad may be in the early stages of dementia. If he is, your mother is going to need all the help and support she can get. My advice is to keep the lines of communication open with her at least while you see how things unfold. I would also have a quiet word with your brother to keep his eyes and ears open.

In the meantime, I would pick him up on his rudeness, but probably quite gently, and with more of a view to seeing what his level of insight is like. But late to say that now, as it doesn't sound like you will see him again any time soon, but bear it in mind for the next time you meet. It may help you to figure out if he is just plain rude or if his behaviour is shifting significantly from his baseline.

jackieblack

bertiewhite wrote: »

As some have rightly said, it's not acceptable behaviour and I've made the decision (the day after they left) that I don't want them back again but the original question was how do I go about bringing it up with my Mum, regardless of the reason?

Just don't invite them.
If they invite themselves, or ask why you no longer invite them, just tell them that it's because your father was so rude to your wife the last time they visited.

arbroath_lass

bertiewhite wrote: »

My Dad has always been opinionated, stubborn and generally set in his ways but this visit was awful. Each morning, he would say good morning to me and walk straight past my wife, he would interrupt her conversations and start talking to me about something completely irrelevant and after every meal he would thank ME for everything when my wife had cooked most meals. On top of this he has appalling manners - I'm not going to go into details but it's the sort of stuff you would pick a child up on :eek:

DID you pick him up on it, though? Each time he did something/didn't do something did you tell him it was unacceptable? I must admit, if my OH had allowed his father to act like that I'd be mad at OH (as well as FIL).