Fallen out with parents

justme111

Well if you did not manage to bring yourself to communicate with her due to being concerned how to broach the subject it means you think broaching the subject is that important as to impact on your communication with her hence hellbent.
She was not keen on discussing your dad's behaviour with you , why you insisting on doing it?
She is free to bury her head in the sand, she is an adult. Specially if as you note I written before dementia has no cure.

pollypenny

The hearing loss is a possibility that's worth exploring. Ask you mother if he shows any sigh at home, eg, not contributing to a conversation then suddenly coming out with something unrelated.

AylesburyDuck

If we are going down the deafness route, what part of deafness makes a person invisible that you walk past them and talk to another person entirely.. Same goes for early Dementia, he'd forget who she was not ignore her entirely!
Rude, pure and simple.

Pollycat

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Do you have siblings?

Yes.

bertiewhite wrote: »

Christmas just gone, I invited my parents to stay which they did. I've asked them to stay for many years but as I live much further away than my brother, they have tended to stay at home in previous years.

I really can't understand why you're not discussing this with your brother - regardless of often you see him.

tooldle

My grandfather had alzheimers and began to behave erratically, simialr to what you describe i.e. Walking down the street, feels the urge for a wee, hence unzips and does it.
My mother has vascular dementia. In the early stages she did withdraw from conversation, as she could not follow what was being said.
I would urge you to raise your concern with your mum. My dad didn't see what was happening with mum until long after those outside of the relationship. My gran was the same with grandad.
My brother on the other hand had to be told of mum's dementia, four years after her diagnosis. Sometimes people simply do not see what is staring them in the face.

FBaby

You can't go and upset people and then expect them to be forthcoming in embracing your concerns. It doesn't work that way. Either you rekindle some form of relationship and as you do so, you observe to see if there are any patterns with your dad an then discuss it with your mum when you feel she will be opened to being able to share her own concerns. Or just stay out of it and wait to hear if it is indeed the case.

How do you think it will go if your dad has no issues with dementia at all? You will turn from the difficult son to the son in hell. Is it worth it, considering that your mum is very unlikely to tell you anything as things stand?

spirit

Did your parents buy your wife a Christmas present this year? Do they normally do this or not? Same question re her birthday?

If they didn't like her, that might be a clue.

maman

I can see that you have some reasoning for thinking possible dementia but the same reasoning could point to other things too like rudeness.

I'm assuming that if your brother lives nearer he sees more of them. What I'd suggest is that you phone him, tell him your dad was even worse than usual (presumably he's used to him being opinionated so he'll know what you mean) this Christmas and ask if he's noticed anything. I wouldn't put it in his head that you're thinking dementia just wait and see what he says.


Even better, you could perhaps go and visit for a couple of days (don't know how far away it is) as these conversations are better face to face and it would make it easier to catch up with your mum at the same time than texting.

Mayflower10cat

Support your wife. If your father is rude to her, pull him up on it. My FiL (pre-dementia) would be as rude and hurtful as he could be if the recipient and or their partner just ignored it. As his dementia worsened, so did his rudeness, cruelty and lack of empathy. He turned on his wife many times and upset me more times than I can remember. Even his own sister, whom he claimed to love, had been cruelly spoken to by him.

You have to stand up to a bully. And if your father does have the beginnings of dementia, trust me, you're going to need every molecule of help, support and sympathy from your wife and family. His behaviour won't improve.

Red-Squirrel_2

happyandcontented wrote: »

Is he like this with everyone or is it just your wife? Does he have reason to dislike her? Is she pleasant and polite to them? You say this is your second marriage, could it be that he regrets how your first one ended (was your current wife the cause of the break up for example?) None of these excuse blatant rudness in your own home but could go some way to explaining it.

Good question.