Would this be a dealbreaker for your marriage/relationnnship?

LabRatty

I'd say the responsibility can be split 50/50. There seems to have been a tacit but effective conspiracy of silence between you both - he has kept trying to fund an extravagant lifestyle and you have taken everything on offer despite knowing of significant debt for a good while.

Time perhaps to review the provider/recipient dynamic in your relationship and replace it with something more down to earth and functional.

All the best,
LR

EssexHebridean

jennyterrier wrote: »

I know that I have been daft. I should have checked that he was managing, I just wish he had made a better job of our money. He should have spoke to me months ago .

Did YOU make a better job of it? I think not. You're right - you HAVE been daft - and you know what, I think the person you're angry with is yourself, rather than him.

Sit down and get a budget sorted - both of you. Accept that he has 50% of the responsibility for this situation, and you have the other 50%. Above all stop wasting time and energy looking for someone to blame - work together and you can fix it.

Happier_Me

jennyterrier wrote: »

Am I also to blame for this??

Yes, absolutely. You are an adult and equally responsible for the household finances. You've chosen not to get involved, have benefited from the things and experiences the debt has funded and have not questioned how any of it was being funded. Ignorance is not an excuse.

Harsh words maybe but responsibility for managing your household finances is 50/50. So don't let this be a deal breaker. Channel your energy into planning your way out of this debt together.

zippygeorgeandben

A problem shared is a problem halved.
Good luck.

jennyterrier

Thanks for all the posts. I have taken a lot of it on board. I accept that I have been naive and in denial. I don't want my marriage to end. I sat up until 2am looking at everything we owe. I sent OH to bed - needed to get my head around it on my own. I have attached a SOA based on what I think we need to do. I haven't included the overdrafts so might update later on.

Seeing it all in black and white is awful and makes me realise what a huge task we have ahead of us, however I want to deal with it now, not in another 2 years when we will owe loads more.

Household Information[/b]
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 2

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1850
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2900
Benefits................................ 82.8
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 4832.8

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 675
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 249
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 120
Electricity............................. 30
Gas..................................... 65
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 30
Telephone (land line)................... 12
Mobile phone............................ 30
TV Licence.............................. 14
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 20
Groceries etc. ......................... 300
Clothing................................ 50
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 10
Car Insurance........................... 60
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 80
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 40
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 25
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50
Haircuts................................ 20
Entertainment........................... 200
Holiday................................. 100
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 2380


Assets
Cash.................................... 10000
House value (Gross)..................... 215000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 10000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 235000


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 145000...(675)......2.49
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 12000....(249)......0
Total secured & HP debts...... 157000....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
tesco loan.....................15000.....364.......5.9
barclaycard....................15000.....300.......0
barclaycard 2..................10500.....200.......6.9
lloyds CC......................3800......50........0
haifax CC......................7500......105.......0
hsbc loan......................8500......201.......3.9
Total unsecured debts..........60300.....1220......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 4,832.8
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,380
Available for debt repayments........... 2,452.8
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,220
Amount left after debt repayments....... 1,232.8

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 235,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -157,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -60,300
Net Assets.............................. 17,700

Money_Rollercoaster

Ok, looking at that, it's a good chunk of debt, but at least your OH has been managing to the extent that more than a third of it is on loans which aren't on the worst rates and at least you know the interest rates won't suddenly change and catch you out.


For those non-loan balances you need to check the offer periods and when they expire. This is where it does get to be a headache and for your OH, must have been quite stressful to keep on top of. In particular, the £15k on Barclaycard at 0% ... if that suddenly went to their standard APR of about 17%, you'd start incurring some hefty interest monthly.


I don't know if anyone has posted this link before ...


http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/snowball-calculator.php


essentially, the idea is that you maximise the worth of every £1 you pay off your debts, by trying to clear debts before offer periods expire and also prioritise the most expensive debts first.


This is a very supportive and knowledgeable community you've joined, so I'm sure you'll get a lot of positive advice and encouragement along the way. Good luck!

jennyterrier

Thanks, I can see now that he has worked hard to keep it manageable. There have been I missed payments or anything, despite the extortionate balance

Karonher

Firstly, you will need to find out what the £1200 you think is leftover is being spent on.

Do you need both cars? Just getting rid of one for a couple of years would make a big saving, although I know there could be reasons why you need them both. Could you get cheaper ones and work out ways to share when possible?

Groceries could be cut a little I'm sure and could you and your husband cut back on clothes for yourselves? The same for haircuts - every other month perhaps.

Finally, entertainment and holiday budgets will have to be cut. There are lots of free things to do for children and if you want a meal out for a treat, look for Groupon or Wowcher deals.

If you took £50 of groceries, £20 off clothing, £10 per month off haircuts, £120 off entertainment, £50 off holidays and aimed to cut £20 off the petrol budget, you would have an extra £270 meaning that by paying £1500 a month it would take you 3 years 4 months not 5 years to pay it off.

If that was too prescriptive, after a year or so you could loosen up and put more into the budget for treats.

nkkingston

You've got good incomes, which means you've got plenty of different ways to tackle this. The first question is, do you really have £1200 left at the end of every month? If not, you need to figure out where that's going by keeping a spending diary. After that, give the numbers a jiggle until you find the right balance for you between a lifestyle you can maintain and paying down the debts. You'll definitely want to think about cheaper cars and holidays for a while, but to what extent is going to depend on how long you're willing to be in debt for.

copperclock

Hi JT. I've just read your thread. I think it's great that you finally looked at all the figures yourself. I suspect that, once the dust settles, your husband will feel a great sense of relief that a) you know now, and b) you're helping.

I also suspect that when your debt was £30k ish a few years ago, even though your husband took full control of the finances, he hadn't had his 'lightbulb moment' as if he had he would have prioritised getting you on board with a new budget plan so that the debts can be paid off. At least this has given you both an opportunity to look at this now before your debt doubles again over the next few years (as it easily could have done).

My main advice is to keep communicating, both of you. Praise him for the good choices he has made (putting things on 0% for example) and acknowledge that the whole thing must have been very stressful for him. Don't now just take over. You must do it - or at least set it up - together. All purchases going forward must be preceded by a conversation as a couple.

Regarding your SOA: I notice you have £10k in cash. What is this for? Not everyone agrees, but I think that having cash savings and having debt at the same time (unless its deliberate for stoozing) is a daft idea. You don't really have those savings. It's the same as if you were to go today and get a £10k loan and then just stick it in an account: you've bought that money and it's costing you money.

I know that people recommend keeping a sinking fund in case the !!!! hits the fan, but I personally think that this fund should be no more than a few hundred or maybe £1000. If the SHTF requires more than a grand then you either have to make a new choice (ie, don't repair the blown up car) or borrow money at that point (ie, for a new boiler) rather than at this point. Hopefully not at all.

If you are able to put the £10k, or most of it, towards your debt, then you could free up near on £200 a month. Re-throw that at the debt and you could clear it more quickly. Definitely use the snowballing link above.

Last small thing: do your cars really require no maintenance or MOTs?

Good luck!

Edit to say: I think sinking funds should be larger once people are out of debt.