Up & Down Relationship With Colleague

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

She's either an utter pain or she's struggling a lot emotionally/psychologically.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I think that you need to speak to HR in the context of being concerned for her emotional wellbeing, rather than a complaint. They can then encourage Occupational Health assessment and perhaps could be the catalyst for her getting some decent help (she may be already seeking treatment, she might not, something horrendous might have happened to her that she's trying to ignore/cope with whilst working - by telling them and if there's a diagnosis either already disclosed or discovered during the process, they then have a legal duty of care towards her).

It might be that it's deemed appropriate to move her somewhere else, it might be that she needs some time off work, she might be able to access counselling, whatever, you've experienced behaviour that isn't 'normal' for the workplace and she could be suffering greatly and concealing it badly. I'd risk her ire for the benefit of her health, as well as my own from having to work near her.



But whatever you do, touching legs is a bad, bad idea, no matter how much she invites it - a hand on a shoulder is nothing like a hand on a knee. It's not professional, which is how you need to keep things, as the last thing either of you need is a blurring of boundaries.


You sound very nice, though. Wish I'd been sharing an office with somebody like you, rather than some of the person I have over the years!

HeavyMetalFan

dancing_star wrote: »

I hope it is bearable for you HMF.

Just a thought, I know you were trying to help with the weight problems chat, but Beat (and I, as a sufferer) would advise not talking about weight or appearance to someone with an ED. Take the focus away from it. Also if she doesn't want to disclose, then she might feel got at, or under pressure.

I'm not telling you off for being insensitive, as you weren't to know! Have you read the Beat info I linked to earlier? You might find it useful. For other mental health issues there are other websites which might help explain things from the sufferer's point of view.

Just that I do get very very uncomfortable and turn away myself when someone mentions weight, including at work. I just try and change the subject (no one in my current workplace knows about my history).

Sorry it's difficult for you. Work takes up a lot of your life to be constantly walking on eggshells.

Yes I did read it - thank you, much appreciated. I don't initiate any conversations about the subject at all but if she brings it up I don't want to appear dismissive. I only told her about my own situation to show a bit of empathy. My own behaviour was quite strange in that I would only be eat three square meals and absolutely no snacks and walked everywhere. However, whatever my mother gave me for tea I would eat whether it was salad, fish and chips or a deep pan pepperoni pizza! This was from being 18-19. I started off just under eight stone and lost half a stone. Then I went to university and grew out of it. To this day I can't explain my behaviour. I had the cheekbones of a catwalk model though!

HeavyMetalFan

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

You sound very nice, though. Wish I'd been sharing an office with somebody like you, rather than some of the person I have over the years!

Thank you for the compliment:)

HeavyMetalFan

I appreciate people advising me to cover myself but she would never complain about me. I am certain of that. She would be blunt enough to just tell me to my face. There is nothing sneaky or underhand about her. Her moods are unpredictable but I am 100% confident of that. On a good day she has told me she knows she is lucky I am so understanding. An hour later the black clouds move in.